S
Savvy September 2021

Bridesmaids

S & W, on February 14, 2020 at 8:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
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I asked a friend of my FH to be my bridesmaid, I don’t have many girlfriends I’m close with and she’s like a sister to him. She has never answered me but he said she told him yes. I’d personally like to hear it from her. We are getting married in Sept and at this time I’m going to say she doesn’t want say no to me. Is it wrong to assume that and move on? Also I’ve been talking with a friend more about the planning and would it be rude (“late”) to ask her to be my bridesmaid at this point?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Angel, on March 31, 2020 at 6:03 PM
  • Neeva
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    I wouldn't assume she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid just because she hasn't told you yes. Has she responded to other messages from you? Has she gotten her dress? If you kick her out, your and your FH's relationship with her will be done.

    I would not ask someone else to be a bridesmaid at this point because they will feel like a backup and likely feel offended once they find out. That's just my opinion.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    It is 7 months out still. Ask your friend. This is actually a good time out for asking, since all definitely BM or MOH stuff happens at under 6 months. Then, talk personally or on the phone with FI's friend. Since bridesmaids dresses don't take long to come in, 2 to ten weeks, by April you should be shopping for them, order in June. Really, until now, nothing a BM has needed to do. But ask your friend . I hope she says yes, and plan things related to them once both are set to do so. FI friend may have been in other weddings, and likely is expecting to hear from you around 6 months .
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would text your FH’s friend and ask her to meet up for drinks/coffee/lunch and ask her about being a bridesmaid again. This gives her the opportunity to tell you if she wants to be in the wedding and also allows the two of you to spend more time together. It is also okay to ask your friend that you have become closer with. You can have both of them. But since you have already offered a BM spot to your FH’s friend, you need to clarify if she is accepting before assuming she is not.

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  • S
    Savvy September 2021
    S & W ·
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    Update!!


    My FH has his friend over and asked her again to be in the wedding. She hesitated and said she doesn’t like getting dressed up. My FH said he would really like it and she said ok if she didn’t have to wear a dress. I asked if she really wanted to be a part and didn’t get a straight answer. I think she wanted to say no but couldn’t find a nice way of saying so. So now I don’t know what to do. I don’t plan on having my maids wear pants and she even admitted she would look odd if she was the only one. But I’m afraid if she suddenly isn’t a part my FH might think it was me.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Is there a reason you could not choose a nice looking , similarly colored or at least compatible pair of palazzo pants and a top? Or ask if she could have a dressmaker make them, if you get fabric from the manufacturer of the other BM dresses? ( They do that, sell it by the yard, for alterations or matching jackets, extra panels for maternity etc , a lot of makers.). Or maybe what would be best, at the heart of the matter, would be to make her a groom's woman. To stand on his side, as primarily her relationship is with him. And she could wear a matching color woman's style tailored pant suit. She need not match the men. Just something compatible. You don't have to have the same numbers on your side and his. And now that you have your friend as one bridesmaid or MOH, and I don't know what else, the most important thing is to respect that your groom wants her part of the wedding, not be your only BM, as you originally thought might happen . Groomswomen may wear dresses, or any suit, as you choose, and in this case her comfort and happiness in not dressing girly girly in a dress could easily be accommodated.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Bridesmaids 1
    So easy to find womens suits to go with mens suits or tuxedos these days.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Bridesmaids 2
    This is made by Azazie, in some colors to go with their bridesmaid dresses, and a navy, grey, and black choice in slightly different styles. Jasmine Bridal has pantsuits marketed as mother of the bride, some more tailored than feminine, in 2 of their lines. Wide variety of colors
    So whether you go masculine coordinate s or compatible with but pants version of a BM gown, you might find something she would like, and you too. But first, settle where she stands. If your FI has not been to a lot of weddings recently, he may not know it has become quite common for men to have a groomswoman on their side.
    I have stood up with a friend who goes back to sandbox days, my former army commanding officer, and a cousin. People do it for hetero and gay weddings, often.
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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    I'd say it's pretty clear she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, she's just not sure how to nicely turn you down. If someone asked me to be their bridesmaid when we weren't that close, I would easily say no but that's just me! I would definitely ask your friend to be your bridesmaid, it's not late at all.

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