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Teresa
Devoted October 2020

Bridesmaids changing out of dresses

Teresa, on September 16, 2020 at 12:18 PM

Posted in Wedding Attire 45

OK ladies, I have a question for you all. How do you feel about the bridesmaids, really just ONE changing out of their dresses right after the wedding? Here's my thinking on it: 1. I told you to pick your dress and encouraged you to get a style you wanted and would be comfortable in ALL day. 2. I...

OK ladies, I have a question for you all. How do you feel about the bridesmaids, really just ONE changing out of their dresses right after the wedding?

Here's my thinking on it:
1. I told you to pick your dress and encouraged you to get a style you wanted and would be comfortable in ALL day.

2. I have said we will be doing the dances and pictures throughout the entire day, so I want us to all look fabulous!

3. Isn't it just sort of expected that if you are in the wedding party you stay dressed up all night?
4. Again, because they are so important to me....PICTURES!

OK fire away just remember I am 17 days from the wedding, and truly not trying to be a BRIDEZILLA! But, I do not want to budge on this matter. Am I wrong here?


45 Comments

  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    You're correct we differ on this. I am not having some super relaxed backyard wedding. If I was I wouldn't care at all. I would expect that the dress I paid for be worn for the evening until the wedding is over. I am more than willing to compromise on it with her but jeans and a t-shirt are not acceptable attire for a formal wedding, in my opinion. I would never tell someone what they had to wear to my wedding but as she is a part of the wedding and not just a guest she has a role to fill and after that she can wear something acceptable for the occasion.

    I guess that makes me seem like a jerk but, I am OK with that since I have done everything I can to make her an the other 3 comfortable in every other way.

    • Reply
  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    I could totally accept the leggings and a nice sweater or shirt. She knows that but she is fighting me on this. I even just asked her to wait until the big events of the night were over, like 8 or 9 at night and then she can change ours will be going til midnight as well. I wanted her and all the girls to be comfortable all day/night. Maybe I just wasn't clear, but I know I did my best to make it clear they would be in them all night. I mention pictures, dancing and sitting...Hmmm IDK I tried I guess.

    • Reply
  • Cheryl
    Dedicated November 2021
    Cheryl ·
    • Flag

    No. You're not being unreasonable. If it were me, I'd just have to have a conversation and let her know what your expectations are. You are the bride and it's YOUR wedding. You asked her to be a bridesmaid which comes with a certain amount of expectation and she accepted. For that reason she should remain in her dress at least until photos are finished. So what? She's going to sit at a table in her jeans and tshirt with the other BMs in their dresses? I'm sorry, but that's a hard no and quite frankly, a bit selfish of her. IMO, when you accept the role of BM, you accept that the bride may have expectations that you have to live up to, a least within reason and asking her to remain in her dress is most certainly within reason.

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  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    Thank you! I truly do not want to be unreasonable at all but I think asking her to give me a total of 7-8 hours which will include getting ready and photos then toasts and dinner isn't too much.

    • Reply
  • Molly
    Expert August 2021
    Molly ·
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    I'm so sorry! It sounds clear to me but, some people can only think of what they want! I don't understand why she wanted jeans when leggings and a sweater at nine would be more comfortable. I'm sorry she's fighting you on this!

    • Reply
  • Cheryl
    Dedicated November 2021
    Cheryl ·
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    No. It isn't too much to ask. It's a wedding for pete's sake! She's not a guest...she's in the wedding party and sorry for her, but that's just part of the job.

    tenor.gif


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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Sooo before I even read this my though was this is something I would maybe want to do because of self conscious/body issues. I get that this is really annoying for you, but I'll give you my experience. I was a BM and had the freedom to pick my dress, etc. But I ordered the dress months prior and pigged out over the holidays and felt so bloated and disgusting at the wedding I avoided as many photos as possible. I would have had such a better time in something I was more comfortable in. I'm a size 2 for reference, so size isn't really the issue. Jeans and a t-shirt is a little drastic, maybe you can compromise with tights and a flowy top or something like that? It really just depends if you care if she's comfortable or not (mentally and physically).

    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
    • Flag
    I was in a wedding where the dress just did not fit. Both tailors I took it to tried pinning many different options and eventually asked if I could buy a different dress (umm what?!). I ended up having them add straps to a strapless dress that I could add after the ceremony and pictures so it would stay in place without excessive tape/shape wear. Yes, that is different from changing into jeans, but I totally get being so uncomfortable that you want to hide from everyone.
    In short, it doesn’t matter if she picked the dress, if she is that uncomfortable, after the majority of pictures let her change so she can enjoy the day. Pictures at dinner and on the dance floor are chaotic anyway. That said, jeans are a hard no. She still needs to be in dress code with the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    I totally care that she is comfortable within reason, if that makes sense. Which is why I do not care for the jeans and t-shirt idea. Other than that, she is free to change into something a little more business casual style. Or jeans and a nice sweater or leggings and whatever comfortable blouse/sweater top she wants.

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  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    I am fine with it other than the time frame she wants and the after outfit. I want everyone to feel beautiful and comfortable as "weddingly" possible. I am just not willing to budge on the jeans unless it is a nice top with them. I am a country girl at heart with huge body issues so I want to be comfy as well but even I have my limits on what is too comfy...for instance the one lady who mentioned a BM wearing PJs! LOL UH NO!

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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Yeah, she needs to compromise then - you're offering a very fair solution.

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  • Sarah
    Super August 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all. I have never heard about a bridesmaid changing, and I think you have evey right to not budge. But is she maybe just not a dress person in general. Like maybe its not that she isn't comfortable in that specific dress, but that shes not comfortable in any dress.
    • Reply
  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    Right! I totally get the not comfortable in a dress period part. We are ALL jeans and t-shirt kinds of gals. But I am hopeful she will come around...I'd hate to have to beat her up JK!!! LOL

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I don't have an issue with my BMs changing into a shorter dress for the reception since I will be doing that too. I'd prefer them to stay in their original outfits but I wouldn't tell them they had to. So for me, changing out of the dress at the reception is a nonissue.

    Jeans and a t-shirt, however, would be a problem for me. I would tell her she could change but had to follow the dress code. If she digs her heels in, tell her she will be removed from the venue.

    • Reply
  • Teresa
    Devoted October 2020
    Teresa ·
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    I don't think it will come to anything that drastic but if she keeps fighting me I will just let the MOH know to handle it as politely as she can. She's like a bounce at a club, good at talking people down and still getting the job done right. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted September 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    1 of my bridesmaids decided to get a 2nd dress. She claims the one she bought she was uncomfortable and hot in. I know I'm being selfish, but I had the same exact bridesmaid dress and was fine with it, but I know its her personal preference. I really wanted them to wear the same dress because now they will be different shades of burgundy, but I kind of let it slide because it was 2 different dates from ceremony and reception.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Super August 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Lmao well I'm thinking if you do have to beat her up people might start calling you a bridezilla 🤣😂
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I personally wouldn’t have a problem with a BM changing but she would need to match the formality of the wedding. If it’s formal or semi-formal, no, she can’t change into jeans and t-shirt.
    • Reply
  • Tabitha
    Devoted October 2020
    Tabitha ·
    • Flag

    I been to a few weddings and lately have watched a ton on YouTube. I've never seen any bridesmaid do a dress change. I don't think that you're being unreasonable at all.

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    As so many say in forum posts, the only requirement of the bridal party is to show up to the wedding and wear the outfit chosen by the bride! I think an appropriate compromise would be allowing her to change into something that is appropriate for the formality of the wedding once dinner and the main reception moments are over. I’d definitely be a stickler about making sure she is within the appropriate “dress code” once changing. If it’s too casual for other guests, it’s certainly too casual for a bridesmaid!
    • Reply

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