S.M.
Expert October 2020

Bridesmaid(s) Causing Stress!!!

S.M., on September 25, 2012 at 12:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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I’m currently in the midst of a bridesmaid-related freak-out!

I have been messaging all of my bridesmaids (I have 5) this morning, to make sure that they will all be able to order their dress by the end of October. I told them in July that I wanted them to order by the middle of October, so this shouldn’t have been a surprise to any of them.

One of them said she MIGHT be able to order. (I view this as unlikely, as she still owes me money from a small loan I gave her back in June).

One of them said absolutely, she’s actually ready to place her order now.

One of them said no, and that she won’t be ready to order until early January, because she isn’t pregnant yet and doesn’t know what size she will need.

One of them said she just needs to go try them on again so she can make her final decision, but there will be no problem with ordering by the end of next month.

One hasn’t replied yet, but she works odd hours, so I think she is sleeping.

CONTINUED

22 Comments

  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    Right now, I’m torn between wanting to cry, and wanting to go bridezilla and stomp my feet while climbing a wedding cake. Over the summer, the dresses were showing that delivery would be 2 months out. As of today, they are showing 3 months out. If she were to order January 10, that would put the dresses in around April 15. My wedding is April 28. That isn’t enough time to allow for alterations, let alone making sure that the orders come in correctly! What if there is some sort of a delay? What if they push it back to 4 months being required for delivery? I’m not going to ask four other women to pay a $50 rush fee, because one woman doesn’t know if she is going to be pregnant, or how far along she will be! I can’t! That’s just all sorts of messed up!

    CONTINUED

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    I called a few bridal shops that carry the line we are going with (Eden), and heard pretty much the same thing… They recommend ordering by late October (which I planned) to early November AT THE LATEST. I explained the situation, and that my ‘maid wants me to wait until January, and they all pretty much said that won’t work. That manufacturers sometimes have delays, and it really does happen, it isn’t just something they say to scare you.

    FINISHED! (for now... still need to write up the issue with the other BM)

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  • Tiffany Morris
    Super October 2012
    Tiffany Morris ·
    • Flag

    Oh no. I'm sorry you are dealing with this! Girls can be so hard to deal with sometime!

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  • ladyvaill
    Super November 2013
    ladyvaill ·
    • Flag

    Ordering in january would be cutting it close for an april wedding. this is something i fear for when our girls buy their dresses.

    i'm sorry i don't have any advice other than saying perhaps the girls who are ready, order theirs now and the last one deal with the rush charge?

    i know they suggest you order them all together due to dye lots changing, but for my friends wedding, mine was shipped in white (instead of violet) and had to get rushed to us (and arrived two weeks before the wedding) and our colours matched. another thought is to let the girls know that the bridal store (not you) needs the orders by end of october due to ship times constantly changing.

    good luck and keep us posted!!

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    So, one of ideas bouncing in my head right now is that if people are NOT ready to order in October, that is fine. They don't have to order.

    But they do have to pay the rush fees ($30 or $50, depending on how rushed it has to be), if they don't want to order it to where it would arrive prior to March 15, so that I'm not hyperventilating come April 1.

    OR...

    I looked at the swatch for David's Bridal awhile back. They have a color that is almost EXACT for the color my girls are wearing. I've already been thinking of allowing them to order from either company. I may go ahead and tell them that they can order from whichever company they prefer, but that my preference is for Eden.

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    Also, I called David's Bridal a moment ago. If she goes ahead and orders now, they'll do whatever they can to track down a dress in our color and a size that would accommodate her pregnancy if she does get pregnant. If she DOESN'T order now, and she DOES get pregnant, she'll have to hope for the best, because they may or may not be able to get a dress in time, as in January, they start quoting 15 weeks lead time, because everyone is ordering for their summer wedding.

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    Okay, the BM that wants to be pregnant is going to order a dress from David's in October. The broke BM is going to go to David's with me next month, once I finish moving and she knows the volleyball schedule for her daughters.

    I'm still kinda freaking out about everything. Part of me wants to say the hell with formal BM dresses and send them a swatch of what I think of, when I think of teal. Then tell them to go out and buy something in a similar color, that would look nice for a formal(ish) wedding.

    I keep changing my mind on things. I'm getting married in less than 7 months. I don't have time for this stuff. I'm on my way to a breakdown, and kinda want to tell all my bridesmaids where to go. Heck, I even want to tell my groom where to go right now. Smiley sad

    I'm just completely overwhelmed with everything. Trying to get packed to move as I close on my new house on Monday, FH is sick and refusing to go to the doctor, and I don't want to deal with anything. Just want to hide online. Smiley sad

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  • Jamie Q.
    Master May 2013
    Jamie Q. ·
    • Flag

    Ugh I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have one BM who I am concerned about. I know my sisters will be alright and my other friend is always super prompt or early on everything. I hope we dont run into this! I dont understand why the broke BM can buy a dress in October for one store vs another... same with the pregnant one. It's really rude of someone to say they wont order their dress becauase they may or may not be pregnant. Even if she is pregnant, she wont be that big unless she goes insane and gains 60 pounds with the pregnancy. I would reason with them. I would tell them you want the Eden dress and they have to order by such and such a date. Why can they not until January? How expensive is that dress that they have to save for 3 months for it?! Tell them to do it by like 12/15 and it should come in the end of March... otherwise they are out of the BP.

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    It isn't that she can't order it until January because of finances... It's because she isn't comfortable ordering a dress that may not fit. She isn't pregnant now, but if she gets pregnant after submitting her order in October, she won't have ordered it with enough room for altering it to fit her 6 months pregnant body. If she waits until January, she'd only be around 4 months pregnant, and it's more likely that she'd be able to order a dress that would fit properly (or be more easily altered).

    And as for the broke BM, dresses at David's tend to be less expensive, so she'd be more able to afford it... That, and I bought my gown there, so any BM's that order from there get $20 off their dress.

    I want them to have their dresses before late March, as I'm prone to freaking out (as my posts here probably indicate LOL). It's for my sanity that I want to know that they have their dresses, as I'm one of those that plans for the worst but hopes for the best?

    • Reply
  • Ana
    Super October 2012
    Ana ·
    • Flag

    I only have 2 BM's, I took them to the shop...tried and ordered them myself!

    Didnt want the stress of having to remind them to order or pay for it!!

    • Reply
  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    I have five, and they are all over the place.

    One BM is local (Elkhart, IN area - near Notre Dame, if that helps). The others are in Chicago, IL; Minneapolis, MN; Atlanta, GA; and Houston, TX.

    • Reply
  • Shameka
    Devoted March 2013
    Shameka ·
    • Flag

    Don't freak out! I know easier said than done. I can tell you I ordered my wedding dress from David's Bridal on Aug. 28. They told me the dress wouldn't be in until around Oct. 15. The dress was back in less than 3 weeks. So hopefully they'll be able to get your bridesmaid dresses back in the same amount of time, especially for the girls who need to order a little bit later.

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  • FutureMrsC.
    VIP May 2013
    FutureMrsC. ·
    • Flag

    Oh man! I can relate to you soooooo much right now. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. Girls can be a headache! I told my girls by the end of Oct to have their dresses ordered as well. I have been saying this since june or July. I picked Oct because of the holiday season when I thought about everyone's budget & I said at least they could have the dresses ordered & out of the way so at the beginning of the year they would have time for alt as well & everything won't hit them at once. Not to mention DB said it takes 10-12 wks for the dresses to arrive. Now between the time I picked my bridal party it has changed 30 times over! Thank God I have a large family & I'm close to them all. I thought FH twin sisters would be in it....no for financial reasons which I can understand. So one of his sis will be in it. I had 2 great friends on the list then envy started to hit them &before I could ask they were taken off the list (long story) then a cousin that was a BM got pregnant she's 6 wks & will be due 2 wks after the wedding. (I just found this out last weekend on FB) when I meet up with the girls last weekend for a dress fitting one never showed up...& because of her unstable life situation to say the least she will not be in it. FH has 10 guys & I didn't want an uneven bridal party...but if it happens that way I'm at the point of oh well! I think I may be one girl short. I just put it to all the ladies this way.....if you don't order your dress in time (since the dress is limited stock with DB & they discontinue dresses) & you wait on your own time...the dress is discontinued or it won't be here in time for the wedding...then you won't be in it. That sounds a little mean but if I worry about your situation then I take away from my planning process & the focus is not on what it should be. I've done all I could do. I chose a month before the holiday & I chose DB because I thought of everyone's budget & I know they have nice affordable dresses. Not to mention I have BM in other states & cities & DB is everywhere so they could go to their local store & try on the dresses & get a feel of what they are wearing & would be able to order them in store if they wish. I thought about all of that so you have to meet me halfway. It will all work out trust me. Just focus on another part of your planning & it will all come together. That's what I had to do. Oh yeah, men never go to the doctor! You will be dragging him to see the doctor for the rest of your life! I have to do the same thing with my FH!

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  • Carrie
    Devoted December 2012
    Carrie ·
    • Flag

    Ok I don't want to scare you, but about David's finding another dress if she orders and then gets pregnant, GET IT IN WRITING!!! I've seen various companies (I'm not going to put this ALL on David's) tell you almost anything to sell a dress and then turn around and tell you "tough" when the very contingency you were concerned about arises. Also make sure that whomever made that promise has authorization from a DM or higher. (this may require you actually speaking with DM, a store manager can't really do anything but talk.)

    • Reply
  • K
    Master October 2012
    Kat ·
    • Flag

    Take a deep breath. I know how stressful this stuff can be but it's a going to work out. I have a BM who was planning on TTC soon after we picked out dresses but she obviously didn't know if/when she would get pregnant. All my girls ordered their dresses back in Dec and my wedding is not until this Oct. My BM decided to just order her dress in a larger size than she normally wears in case she got pregnant because that way she could have it taken in if she didn't. You can always have a dress taken in but there's only so much you can take out. DB also assured her that if she needed to exchange the size and the dress hasn't been discontinued, she could do it. Another BM of mine was able to do that with no problem.

    Good luck!!

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  • Sunshine Girl
    Devoted December 2013
    Sunshine Girl ·
    • Flag

    Good luck...but anyone causing you this much stress doesn't deserve to be in your bridal. Party!

    • Reply
  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    Okay. I talked to one of my 'maids this afternoon, and I'm feeling calmer.

    I AM thinking about changing our colors though, and FH is okay with it.

    The first photo is our original color scheme, and all the 'maids were going to wear teal. Now I am thinking of changing the color scheme to the colors in the second photo, and using any color for the flowers (but probably mostly yellow).

    The middle tone on the second photo matches the fabric swatch I have. I have several of the rosettes like that, as I bought them for my 'maids when I found them.

    Now I am thinking of sending them to each of them, and telling them buy a dress in any of those colors (or that color family), knee length, sleeveless, solid, and dressy, and then they can buy their dress in March if they want, or they can buy from a wedding retailer. Whatever. I just want them to feel pretty in what they wear, look nice, and have something they will wear again.

    Opinions? Have I lost my mind? I'm less than 7 months out...



    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Savvy February 2013
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    David's Bridal will let you return a dress for a different size, style and/or color if need be. A similar situation happened with my bridesmaids and MOH- the girls had all ordered and received their dresses in a special order color that had since been discontinued. One of my bridesmaids found out she was pregnant and wasn't going to fit in her fit and flare size 6 dress that she ordered.

    David's was wonderful. I had to change my color since my last one was discontinued, but I love my new color (Gem). All my girls had to do was return their dresses to the store where we ordered and picked them up, the store sent back the old ones and ordered the new ones with no questions asked and no fuss or extra cost to my girls. They even recommended styles that would be less costly in time and money to alter around my pregnant girl's belly.

    I know David's has mixed reviews on here, but I have yet to have a bad experience with the two I have been to or called.

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  • Michele &
    Devoted June 2014
    Michele & ·
    • Flag

    I reluctantly made the decision not to have a wedding party, but after yours and others stories about BM and MOH drama...I am starting to be glad I decided against it. It really is awful that so many of you are having drama with the wedding party. I am going to hire someone to be there to help me with my dress etc...rather than dealing with the drama that seems to unfold Smiley laugh

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  • S.M.
    Expert October 2020
    S.M. ·
    • Flag

    Shannon, what was your original color at David's? I'm glad they worked with you on changing things around!

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