Bridesmaid won’t respond...

It sounds like you're doing everything right by giving her the deadline for the measurements. If she does not respond she can attend as a guest and whatever you do, do not replace her. Never sides are perfectly fine.

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Then You tell her "hey I totally understand you're not in a place right now to be a bridesmaid but I'm still looking forward to you coming and celebrating our wedding with us! It will be so much fun!"

...... then you just move on with planning. It sucks that she won't get back to you about dresses, but you don't replace someone in your bridal party because someone else can't participate. Just don't spend the money on her dress, and leave your bridal party as-is.

It astounds me when someone has "backups". You either ask your nearest to be in your bridal party the first time around or you don't.

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Take opinions with a grain of salt; you are not going to like them all. Bridesmaids have a choice whether or not to say yes to being by your side and know there are expectations. That doesn't make they are your work horses, but they do have to have a certain amount of respect for you and your planning. I am not saying to or not to replace her that is only a decision you can make. I mean if she never responds to you then I don't think she really has any reason to be upset if you have a friend who is willing to step in. Sides do not have to be even, but some brides like it that way and that is perfectly fine.

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This 100%. Do not ask someone to be a backup. Just like "firing" a bridesmaid is a friendship ending move, asking someone to step in and be second fiddle can have the same effect.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. THANK YOU. I’m so glad someone on here actually seems to understand instead of judging me for this. I definitely agree that bridesmaids should be your workers. I just feel like I’m giving her every opportunity to be in the wedding when she says she wants to, but then doesn’t respond to my messages. Again, thank you for being kind.

View Quoted Comment I definitely won’t “fire” her if she feels too stressed to be in the wedding. Her mental health is obviously very important and I don’t want her to do this if it’s too much for her. I have told my other friend the situation and she completely understands. She will already be there for the rehearsal dinner and is getting ready, the only thing she isn’t doing is standing up there with us.

View Quoted Comment Well my other friend knows the situation and has no problem with being a “back up”. She’s involved in everything else, she’s just not standing up there with me.... yet.

She is "ghosting" you, it's a popular (immature in my opinion) thing to do when someone doesn't want to confront something. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do except stop asking her about it and accept that she probably won't be in your wedding. I know that's upsetting to hear, but I see that your wedding is in June and you're running out of time. Your friend is going through something personal and doesn't want to make decisions so she's avoiding them, and all you can do is let her go through her time. Tell her you're there if she needs you, but let her be. If she wants to be in the wedding she'll contact you regarding the dress. I know uncertainty sucks, but I don't think you're going to get an answer from her unless you explode on her which I don't recommend doing if you want to keep the friendship.

View Quoted Comment Well, I’ve been chill about it for 6 weeks, but it’s time to order dresses Friday. I definitely won’t explode on her, and if she is too stressed to be in it, I totally understand, and I’ve told her that multiple times. I just wish she would say something to me.

So why wasnt the back up chosen originally?

She has until Friday, unfortunately if she doesn't get the information to you in time. Shes a guest. It sounds like maybe thats what she wants.

View Quoted Comment No ones judging you. We are just suggesting not kicking your BM while she's down.

Just let her bow out if she can't get you her measurements in time.

View Quoted Comment No just let her attend as a guest.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure why you think I’m “kicking her while she’s down”. I’m doing quite the opposite. I have given her weeks to get me these measurements... if she can’t do it, I completely understand. I’ve even offered to pay.

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Unfortunately, she's probably not going to straight up say that she can or can't be in the wedding. She's "ghosting" you because she doesn't want to make a decision. It's not a good way of handling life but I know a lot of people who do this. You can politely tell her one more time that you know she's going through a lot and you are here for her but for your own mental sanity you need her to make a decision about being in the wedding. Tell her if she doesn't text back by x date you'll have to assume her decision. Good luck! I'm sure this is pretty stressful and I hope it works out.

I think the kick her when shes down is about replacing her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! You have been very helpful.

View Quoted Comment Why would you even consider replacing her? If you replaced her you would just be showing her that her relationship is replaceable. That's kicking one while they are down

View Quoted Comment Yup! (Min)

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t consider it replacing her when she doesn’t respond to any of my messages or if she backs out.

View Quoted Comment Just curious, when would you consider it replacing her then?