Bridesmaid rant - Am I being selfish???

I'm still trying to figure out in what World a person asks someone who treated them so poorly to be in their BP, honestly.

Sounds like you should have learned your lesson when she first showed you what a selfish bitch she is.

That said, I also wouldn't take funds away from a vacation with DF to attend someone's bachelorette, and I think it's crappy of you to expect her or anyone else to go for a weekend trip when they're already spending a crapload to be in your wedding. I get you're not planning it, but you could also say, "Hey, let's just have a fun night out."

So let's see, ultimately, you should have, by now, learned to believe people the first time when they show you who they really are, and you just have to suck it up with her until the wedding is done.

Nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do, and having a wedding doesn't mean you get to decide how others prioritize their spending. Can you be disappointed? Sure. But honestly, you ought to just be glad more of your BP didn't say no.

Honestly, I think you are being selfish. You already have experience the disdain of having to pay a ton for a friend's wedding. So, don't force it on her.

Also, vacations always trump unimportant wedding extras. Just sayin.

Right, LeahH, I agree. OP should have set boundaries and said no to the hotel thing when it was her FH's birthday, among other things. But now she's expecting her BM to do the same, which isn't right.

She spent way too much effort trying to make someone happy who, from what it sounds like, was treating her like crap.

Yes, it's okay to be sad and frustrated over the situation, but you're expecting too much, OP. And you're only hurting yourself with these expectations. All a BM has to do is show up to the wedding in the dress agreed upon.

I'd be hurt. But you have to understand that not everyone shares the same heart as you. You cant expect others to act/react the same way that you do. I learned this the hard way with my sister. It sucks, but you just have to accept that.

(I also agree you could've skipped a lot of what you did for her. She didn't need a shower, her family could've thrown her one, etc).

I would be pissed off but I also wouldn't do all of that shit that you did. You're a great friend and she isn't. Now you know! Honestly, no one cares about your wedding more than you. Butttt if I did all of that for her and she didnt come to my Bachelorette party then I would definitely put it in her face. But hey, I'm a bridezilla. lol

I disagree that she shouldn't have to do it for you. A good friend should not have expected you to do those things if they were not prepared to return the favor. Granted, I think in retrospect you could have said no but I think she should know what you did for hers and step up to the plate like you did (unless she has one seriously good reason and I don't count a vacation as a good reason in my book). Yes, you don't have to go above and beyond but she knows what you did and that's crappy that she doesn't care enough to do the same. Now you know as a lesson learned unfortunately that that is just who she is. I wouldn't say anything to her but you'll know what she choose to do (or not do)

Gotcha, LeahH.

I have a friend like this, so I feel for you. While yes, you could have said no to some of the things she asked of you, it would be nice of her to reciprocate since you went above and beyond for her. It's not like you're requiring things, it's just nice when you've done so much, that they return the favor, at least in whatever capacity they can. I understand people's financial situations are different, but she could make an effort to do something that doesn't require money. If she can't afford your bachelorette party, for example, she could at least nake an effort to offer doing something less expensive, just the two of you (like a dinner or spa day or something). Girl, I'm with you on this one!

I should probably be clear....I didn't do anything expecting reciprocation. I did so much because part of me felt bad that no one else was..... And no one should spend their wedding feeling like the people you've built friendships with don't share in your joy. I agree, no one cares as much about your wedding as you, but a little generosity and thoughtfulness goes along way.l (it doesn't have to involve money).... And I felt bad that she wasn't getting that from anyone.

In addition, once her wedding was done, she's the one that told me how much it meant to her for me to have done what I did and that she wanted to share in my day (and all festivities that go with it).

So it's just disappointing that she's been completely non existent (even from a "hey- I just went through all this, let me offer advice standpoint) and then to see someone shelling out mounds of money for al sorts of things with not a flinch, but then immediately turn down my bachelorette party was just upsetting. I would never EXPECT anything from anyone.... If she were being a better friend in other ways, I would never feel the way I do about the Bach weekend. But it just feels like she completely quit giving a shit about our friendship once her wedding was over and she was done taking advantage of my generosity.

Yep, now you know what effort she's willing to put in. So adjust your expectations of her. Also shocker that no-one else was willing to help her, they probably knew her better.

FWIW, these multiday bachelorettes are a money suck and often lead to trouble when the effort is not reciprocated. I've seen this countless times here. You can't judge someone on their willingness to participate in something so expensive and to incur the financial loss. She has a budget for her money, and her vacation is more important to her.

Oh man I can totally relate to this. I planned my MOH a huge weekend in Nashville. When it came down to my wedding I got $30 in cash at the wedding. Live and learn. We could have said no.

^Also you "could have" not judged someone's wedding gift. Seriously? That's like the rudest comment ever.

While I think it's shitty that she expected all that stuff from you and isn't willing to do anything in return. It's your fault for getting taken advantage of. I'd have laughed if someone told

Me I have to stay at a hotel in the town where I live. Unless she had you kidnapped and held a gun to

Your head you could have said no. Same to spending all the

Money you did.

That said I would probably distance from her after the wedding. She sounds very selfish.