Bridesmaid rant - Am I being selfish???

She also REQUIRED that I say at the hotel the night before her wedding, despite it being in our town, costing $200 and it being my fiance's birthday. (which I did) Overall ,I think i spent $2K plus from the bachelorette/bridal shower and wedding gifts (not including my dress/hair/makeup

Now... fast forward to my wedding... she's my BM and basically flat out told me she can't come to my Bachelorette party because she's going on a 2 week vacation with her husband and needs to save all of her money.

I guess I would have just thought that after all I did to try and make her wedding experience special for her, she would at least be more involved or at bare minimum come to my bachelorette weeekend

Seriously... copy and paste.

While I understand that you expected her to do the same for you that she "required" of you... you know the drill. BP is required to buy a dress and look pretty... that is all.

Have you talked to her about this?

I see a lot of things you could have (and should have) said no to- which is partly on you.

But I'll wait.

Edit- she's a selfish bitch, but she doesn't HAVE to come to your bach- but- are you planning it yourself? and what are you doing that it costs her so much money she cannot come?

You went above and beyond for her but, she is not obligated to do any of those things for you.

You had the choice to say no just like she does.

Does it suck? Yeah. But there's nothing you can really do unless you want to end this friendship over a party.

You learned your lesson.

Wait.

You said bach weekend?

BAW HA HA HA HA HA

nope.

Not that I'd ever 'require' any of what your friend asked of you, but obviously she is a close enough friend to you that you felt compelled to do so much for her and her wedding planning/festivities, and I would feel hurt that she doesn't feel inclined to be there for you in similar ways.

Unfortunately, I would think that a vacation trumps your bachelorette party. I mean, that's a pretty understandable 'excuse' and there isn't much around that.

@jorocka no, I'm not planning it, my MOH is. It is a weekend out of town... we're doing wine country and renting a house so that everyone can stay together and it be less costly. I completely understand that it's not as inexpensive as going out in town, however, with her having a weekend bach party and knowing all that went into it cost wise, i would have at least thought she would be a little more apt to go

I can get that you are hurt- if she's a close friend that you jumped through hoopes for- and how it would sting- but she doesn't have to go.

it's still a huge expense if you're trying to save- I work weekends- so for me- every day that I"m away- costs me money.

It sucks but now you know. We all usually expect people to do for us as we would for them but unfortunately that doesn't usually happen. Now you know.

I would suggest speaking to her about it. Telling her how you feel, how out of the way you went for her and how it's making you feel that she isn't. See where it goes. ETA: I don't think you're being selfish. Your contributions to her were pretty selfless. But keep in mind the most selfless acts are done when we expect nothing in return.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm expecting a weekend either... a few of my BMs all got together and decided it was something I would like and basically started planning. Contrary to the friend in reference who planned her own and just asked me to coordinate and pay for stuff

I'm more disappointed than mad.... I just hate that the one person (next to my MOH) that I thought would be with me through the fun wedding stuff is basically non existent

She has better boundaries than you do. Work on your boundaries and try not to be resentful when people say no to you.

ETA: Unpopular opinion.

She sounds like a shitty friend.

You have a right to be hurt by the one sidedness.

But she still isn't obligated to come.

Wow, I can't believe you did all that for her-- I definitely wouldn't have had agreed to half of that. That being said, PP's are right... She isn't required to do for you all that you did for her. But I think your annoyance at her is definitely justified. Can you sit down and talk with her about how you feel?

Is it possible that she is pissy that she is not your MOH? You said you were the MOH in her wedding, but she is a BM for you. Some women get very petty about that type of thing and may react in the way you're describing.

I get that it sucks but there is really nothing you can do other than accept her lack of participation and move on.

I totally can see why your hurt and upset. You went above and beyond and she just isn't. Unfortunately it seems like she is all about herself and she isn't required to attend. Lesson learned. Next time maybe you'll say no. I'm sorry she sucks.

Your feelings are valid. I would be kind of ticked off too that you went above and beyond for her and she didn't for you. Like the other poster mentioned...do you think she might be jealous that you didn't make her MOH?

I went above and beyond for my cousin's wedding as her MOH. Her bridesmaid's didn't really help much and it cost me a lot. I thought I had to do all those things and hadn't discovered weddingwire yet.

bottom line she is not obligated to do anything other than get a dress and stand next to you.

Oh man that's terrible! I completely get where you're coming from and I think your hurt feelings are totally reasonable. It sounds like you are a very giving person, but realize that that is a wonderful trait that not everyone around you shares. I doubt your friend is intentionally blowing you off, but that may be a conversation that you need to have with her. Sometimes you just have to clearly and calmly tell people what you need!