Bridesmaid Financial Problems

Have the BM not attend. Bachelorette parties, especially ridiculously over the top destination ones, are not a required event to attend.

So don't pay if you don't want to? If she can't afford to go, she doesn't need to go. The end.

The bachelorette party isn't mandatory. Yes it's a bummer if she can't go but life happens.

If she can't afford it she can't afford it. We all have our own bills I couldn't imagine adding more to each one's plate.

One of my bridesmaids will not be able to go out of town with all of us so we agreed on doing a nice dinner and girls night in town with all of us so she didn't feel completely left out.

Annnnd this is why destination bachelor/bachelorette parties need to die. They're a huge expense on top of the already huge expense placed on your wedding party.

If she can't afford it, she doesn't go. I think it's kind of rude for the rest of you to make her feel obligated to go by pulling together the money, KNOWING she can't get one of the days off of work. What happens when you buy her ticket and she still can't get off? Are you all going to expect her to get fired in the name of the parrrrrrtyyyyyyy? Gross.

Leave the poor girl alone. If she can't afford it, it shouldn't have been planned this way in the first place, and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty because of her financial situation, which is incidentally, none of anyone else's business.

A destination bachelorette party is an optional thing.

If she cannot afford the flight, then she cannot afford the flight. Also, you state that she cannot get one of the days off work. Her job is more important than a party in another city.

You state that your bridal party cannot afford almost $100 to pay for the ticket. If that is the case, why do you find it hard to believe that the bridesmaid may not be able to fork out over $400...plus all of the other expenses a trip would involve?

I think you may be reading too much in to this, and not considering her pocketbook.

It would be a destination wedding no matter what for her since she lives almost 5 hours away from the rest of my bridal party. Apparently during the bachelorette planning process, she was completely down with the idea and made no comments when asked about financial/travel problem. I understand that situations change. We NEVER went around making her feel obligated to pull together money. It was my MOH suggestion to help her out. Also, the main thing was that she has to work on a Friday and would have to leave after work. So we wouldn't sacrifice her job for the party, that would be dumb.

Then what's the issue?

She can't make it. Let her know it's no problem and grab dinner with her when you get back so she feels like she had some special time with you.

She can't make it. Let her know it's no problem and grab dinner with her when you get back so she feels like she had some special time with you.

The issue is that my MOH suggested everyone help her out. Which both my MOH and I can help her out financially, but not the other two girls. So if the other two girls didn't pay, then it would be up to my MOH and I to pay almost 400 dollars collectively. Thats when it gets way to expensive for both my MOH and I. I guess I will just have to suggest to the bridesmaid that we can pay for part of the flight, but not all of it. If she can't go, then she can't go. We will try to plan another event with her.

It was a suggestion, not a requirement. If you can't pay for her to go, don't. She's a grown up, she can handle not going. I'm seriously failing to see the great tragedy here.

I didn't go to my sisters bachelorette party when I was her bridesmaid and it was a bummer, but it happens when you have bridesmaids that live far away.

If she can't go, she can't go. Bachelorette parties are optional, not mandatory

I would be extremely embarrassed if I found out my friends took up a collection for me in this way. Let it go.

Not all my bridesmaids will come to things because some live 3000 miles away. Life's more important than a wedding.

Why do you need to plan another event for her? And why are you harping on this. Make like Elsa and let it go. It's not a big deal and any more discussion about it makes it seem like you're pushing. I'd be mortified if I was her, frankly. I'd expect my friend to simply say "okay" when I said I can't come. No questions asked. Instead, everyone is now privy to her financial situation and you're debating the pros and cons of taking up a collection for her. Mortified.

It's fine for her to miss it. Life happens. Just be respectful after you come back and don't talk about it nonstop and make her feel worse for missing it.

Making her feel bad because now you can't afford to cover her and bringing it up YET AGAIN is going to make her feel like even more shit. She can't afford to go. Period. Let it go and plan something else for you two.

If it's too expensive for you guys to help her then it's probably too expensive in general. Not only does she have to get out there, then she had to pay for all the things you'll do there. Should have had a more low key thing... not a fan of these ridiculous Bach parties. Because weddings and being a bm aren't expensive enough.

Im not the one who planned the bachelorette party so I wasnt in charge of whether it was a destination or here in town. All the bridesmaids decided collectively to have a destination bachelorette party. I would have been fine with either. Also, I wasnt trying to pry into my bridesmaids financial situation either, but the bridemaid was the one who told my MOH she couldnt attend unless she had some financial support. Then my MOH was the one who reached out to all of us to help out. I will just plan something for the two of us soon.