Bridesmaid etiquette! Am I crazy???

It's plenty fair if all she has to do is show up in a dress. If 6 bridesmaids want to host a bridal shower and one doesn't how is it fair to force the 7th to host it too? You asked her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, all she has to do is be at there in the dress you picked.

She has the option of being a guest.....and I actually wasn't as rude to her as I felt she was to me, yet I told her if this was too much for her she didn't have to be a BM. And she said it was.

My question has obviously been answered, maybe I did expect too much from her. But I will say that I'm grateful to have family and friends willing to throw me a shower, it's unfortunate that she couldn't agree with everyone else.

The fuck do you have your panties twisted for? Six of them are involved. Even if it was only one you should be just happy. You won't miss one person and it doesn't mean she loves her brother any less.

Stop being a snot and let it go. Be like Elsa and Let. It. Go.

That's the problem JoRocka, her panties are twisted. I'm fine! My problem is how she handled it. Why be rude just because she didn't agree with what they were planning. "My bridal party shit" really???? She should've just said Fuck your shower! Cause that's how I felt.....

It only take one to throw a party. Not 7. Also you said because she didn't contribute, it is being downgraded? That is very selfish. What kind of bridal shower costs $700? Seriously, what is the money for?

I would assume hall rental and food....like I said, I live in NYC.....that's pretty average......again, the other bridesmaids were more than happy to pay extra so she didn't have to. Contribution doesn't mean $$. There are alot if other things she could help with

Sorry, just because you asked her to be a bridesmaid doesn't mean she has to throw you a party. Remember it's an honor for YOU that they are standing up to support you, not the other way around.

Here's how her side likely sounds:

Brother's fiancee asks me to be in their wedding. I agree since she's going to be family. Turns out, this apparently includes throwing her a shower along with 6 of her friends that I don't know. Had I know there was so much work and stress involved, I would've said no. Apparently now I'm the rude one and I've been kicked out of the wedding party. Welcome to the family, sis!

Actually Zoe B, I've been with her brother for 14 years and she's not a complete stranger in this wedding party.

And she wasn't kicked out. She was given the option and she decided she didn't want to be in it any more

Ok, I'm going to be unpopular but I think if the other BMs ask her to contribute (not the bride) that's different. All the other girls are splitting it and she's going to be there and eat the food but not help? That would make me upset if I was a BM and spent a lot of money on it. For example I was part of a bachelorette party this year and the bride wanted a boat cruise. Everyone agreed on it and the price. I purchased the tickets and it was like pulling teeth to get people to pay me back and split the brides ticket cost. It's not MY party. It's for the bride. So I can see why the BMs reached out to the bride because from their position they might feel upset.

You've known her for 14 years and you're going to trash that relationship over a shower? That doesn't exactly make the situation better...

What you're calling an "option" most would consider to be a request.

Why is it that I'm trashing it, lol 6 people ask you to be involved in your future sister in laws shower and you go ballistic and I'm trashing it......the only thing I did here was say yes to her brother!

I asked her to be in my wedding, she agreed....but when it's time to discuss wedding events you don't want to be involved???

Okay....maybe something has changed in her personal life or in her financial situation and she doesn't feel comfortable doing it anymore or talking about it. Let her gracefully bow out. No reason to call attention to it or make her feel bad or blast it on a forum. Let it go.

Ok Mrs. S-- she doesn't HAVE to do any events except your actual wedding. I do feel badly for your BMs though. It's hard to plan something and have someone back out. Usually all BMs contribute to joint gift or shower PLANNED BY ANOTHER BM, Not dictated by bride.

At this point just cut your losses and stop dwelling. You have 6 people who want to plan a shower, and presumably a bachelorette party. Be the bigger person and tell FSIL that you're sorry the wedding became a burden and you understand no longer having her as a bridesmaid and you wish her well. She wants out and you don't want drama. Don't make it me or dramatic. Problem solved.

Thank you all ladies. This was just me venting! I wanted to get another point of view since clearly we were both on seperate pages. And just because I'm upset with how this played out doesn't mean I want drama with her

FH and I are ok with the fact that this is too much for her. She's still invited to the wedding as a guest and I plan on enjoying my future shower.

The sense. . You're not making anyway. Whatever- it's your party. Complain if you want to.

Team FSIL. Buy the dress and support. That's it.