Bridesmaid duties and shower costs

The MOH should not have put anyone's name on the invitations as a host unless that person had agreed to be a host already and even then, agreeing to host means agreeing to a budget you are comfortable with.

Stay strong!

@FutureMrs.Mash I know the bride is not supposed to know, but if my MOH was making demands out of my BMs on my behalf, I'd want to know.

Ok so here's the thing - I 100% think bm should contribute to the shower if asked. What bothers me is that they didn't ask you, they told you. That's not ok and completely unacceptable and flat out rude.

But contrary to general opinion on WW, bm often contribute to the shower imo and I always expect this when I say yes to being a bm. I would respond back and say that you cannot afford that amount but you can contribute X amount and are willing to help out the day of. I personally feel $100 - $150 would be more appropriate. As for hair and makeup, speak up to the bride and let her know it's out of your budget. But keep in mind, if you're not doing it for hers, don't expect her to do it for yours when it's your turn. I always do hair and make up bc I want to be there to support my friend and bc I knew one day they would return the gesture

As for the names on the invite, that's the moh's fault. She needed to ask first

Whatever you do, be thoughtful of your friend, the bride. She probably has no idea this is going on and would be devastated I'm sure to find out. I would not share this with her, she doesn't deserve the stress

Eta - actually in reading your comments im wondering if you got told that number bc they were hoping you would just volunteer and when you didn't that's why they did that. Like they brought it up, sensed your hesitancy and rather then give you an option - just told you an amount. Not saying that's right. But I'm wondering if that was their thought process.

It's very common where I'm from for the bridal party to host the shower. My bridal party is hosting mine (when tho I tried to tell them I didn't want one). My sisters and maid of honor all got together and planned things, including a budget before they did anything. My one sister is mad other people couldn't afford what she wanted to do.. but they did the mature thing and planned something they could afford. They are all very excited to be hosting it.

I'm sorry the maid of honor was not very forcing with you. Maybe talk to her and tell her what you are comfortable contributing? Hopefully she is mature and understanding.

As for the hair/makeup.. that has always been the bride's responsibility if she is mandating it. I've been in a couple weddings where the bridge paid, so I'm doing the same for my girls.. altho they can choose to do their own if they want.

It's not at all strange for the BP to host the shower, but it's cooperative endeavor ands 416.00 is a lot of money on top of the dress. If the bride wants pro makeup and hair, she covers it.

This probably isn't even the end of it; why do I think there is a multi-day bachelorette in the wings?

I"m thinking I"d bail and be a guest. It's not your fault the MOH took it upon herself to spend your money.

Out of curiosity, how many BMs are there? Did I miss that part?

What the hey! If you were to contribute...you should have been asked n budget discussed/approved first.

You're not obligated to be in the wedding. The BP isn't obligated to throw the bride a shower or bachelorette party. If the MOH & MOB want to throw the shower, they should cover all of the costs. If anyone else wants to chip in, then that's ok. For them to "make" you ladies pay for it without consulting you is ridiculous! The price of the dress is ridiculous! To tell you that you "have to" use her hmua is ridiculous! Honestly, I'd talk to the MOH & MOB & say that you can't afford it. If they jump down your throat about it, possibly talk to the bride or drop out of the wedding.