Bridesmaid duties and shower costs

$416 EACH? Wow. I'm sorry! I would let her know you due to purchasing your dress, alterations and HMU you are unable to pay for that since you were not consulted or asked about costs/input prior. That would piss me off. I wouldn't have the money for that.

The only requirement for the bridesmaid is to buy a dress and show up at the wedding. The bride should have asked each of you privately what your budget was for the dress and then use that as a guideline. If she is making you get your hair and makeup done then the bride should pay for that. You are not required to throw a shower nor are you required to help pay for it if you didn't agree to it. Sorry, this bride sounds like a bridezilla.

No is a complete sentence. You're only job is to show up on the day semi - sober in the chosen dress.

That's pretty crappy. Also, just an FYI - if the wedding is in CA, the hair and make up will be way more than $60.

I would seriously step down as a BM over this. No real friend would treat you like this.

Well the bride might not know about the shower situation so I wouldn't jump to bridezilla. I'd talk to the MOH and Mom about it

$416 each for a freakin bridal shower? Ridiculous.

That really stinks you guys weren't consulted about costs. Different cultures and geographical areas have different "rules"about this. I was caught off hours the first time I was told bridesmaids pay for the shower since in my family the brides family always pays.

If the wedding is in October when is the shower? I would say that's an awful lot of money for you right now and ask if there is a way to cut costs. Offer too help find cheaper alternatives for flowers favors and invitations. If they say it's set in stone say you really wish they asked you to begin with since you're expected to contribute. Then decide what you are comfortable giving, the whole amount or something else

I would be PISSED OFF!!! No bride should plan her own shower. I only need my girls to get their dresses and shoes and get ready with me day of and indulge in a few mimosas!! Sorry you are being faced with this. Pretty shitty!!

"No is a complete sentence ".

416 dollars just for the shower? I'm sorry but no, contact the maid of honor and say there is no way you can afford that. Offer to contribute what you can, but simply say with the dresses you cannot afford to put that amount towards the shower. ALSO- if she is requiring hair and makeup she needs to foot the bill. I told my girls it was optional and I'm still paying half their hair!

That is fucking ridiculous. You need to say no. If the MOH, wants to throw a shower then she needs to take financial responsibility for it. It's not your problem to pay for a shower you didn't offer to host. Also, the bride can't make you get professional hair and makeup if she's not paying and that dress price is outrageous. She should have first asked your dress budget.

Wow that is a tough one! Just tell MOH you can't afford that. Other posts are right- what's next a $500 each bachelorette contribution?

Lol nope. I'd email back and say you aren't paying it because you were never consulted on what you could afford. And I'm assuming since you were just given a pretty specific dollar amount that most or all of the shower was already planned without your input? Abso-fucking-lutely not. That is so beyond out of line.

This is worth considering stepping down and out of the wedding party for, IMO. If the MOH is doing this, it's likely this wedding is just going to get worse for you and your wallet.

In my circle, it's customary that the bridesmaids do a shower, but we all work TOGETHER to come up with the budget and what we are going to do within what we all can afford. What this MOH and MOB are doing is WRONG.

Thanks for the input! This helps!! The bride is insisting on the hair but it is the mother of the bride that keeps saying it is tradition that all maids split the cost of the shower. When I told her that I can't afford it her response was that it is not cheap to be in a wedding and it to straighten it out with the girls

First and foremost, you are under no obligation to host any events. Second, before her and the mother planned the shower, the entire BP should have been consulted about all of the plans. Considering they took it upon themselves to plan the shower, then they should pay for it.

If the bride wants your hair and makeup done then SHE is to pay for it.

The dress, did she ask you what your budget was or just tell you that was the dress she chose?

Bridal showers are nice to have but she is not entitled to it. If her MOH (and it sounds like the mom is helping plan) want to have a shower then they can pay for it!!!

I would tell the MOH that it's great that she wants to host a shower for the bride but she should have asked the rest of the bridal party if they wanted to help host it and then discuss what everyone's budget for this would be.

Personally, I'd tell the MOH to shove her bill up her ass.

That's awful. The MOH should have put forth all the costs before booking. $416 is very steep. Have you spoken to the other BM? I would definitely talk to the MOH and let her know that you can't contribute/participate in the shower. I would also just make sure the bride knows you won't be attending so she isn't offended and offer to take her out to brunch or something.

Yeah, I'd be pissed! Tell her no - since you were not involved in ANY of the planning and were not asked a budget, that you cannot contribute that much

Been there done that. Twice I've paid $300 for showers I couldn't even attend (out of state.) Maybe ask if you could pay the MOH over the course of a few months? I had to do that once.