Bridesmaid dilemma

Since your brother already told her, I don't see any way NOT to ask her, without hurting her feelings. If you care about her and want to share your day with her (which I assume is the case since you were going to ask her), I would ask her and trust that she can decide for herself if she can handle it. Closer to the date, it's fine to inquire about babysitters for the getting ready portion of the day.

Would she be open to leaving her child with her parent(s) the day of the wedding?

View Quoted Comment Her mom will be there, as well as mother in law and father in law. Father in law is an usher and mother in law is my ceremony procession organizer. My concern is if she’s nursing, she’s going to need to be near the baby. I’m just worried it’s going to put stress on all the family that’s already apart of the wedding and it’s definitely not something I want to take on or worry about the day of.

Could she get ready at home with the baby and then come just before the wedding and have her mom watch the baby while she’s participating in the ceremony? The baby needing to nurse will be true if she’s in the wedding or just a guest so I think there’s ways to include her without stressing anyone out.

View Quoted Comment I don’t see how I can’t ask her now either. She nursed my nephew for a year so I’m sure she’ll still be nursing at that time as well ( which I’m a huge fan of!) I call her my Russian princess because she can be pretty needy and with the entire family involved with the wedding I’m concerned that I’m going to have to be figuring stuff out for her that day instead of just being apart of my day selfishly. Her mom will be there but doesn’t know hardly any English ( just moved from Russia). My fiancé and I are paying a pretty penny for the event and I don’t want other people’s drama the day of. I guess when I present her with the proposal I’m just going to honestly tell her where I’m at and let her know I love her but have been waiting for this day a LONG time and want to soak it in.

First of all, how dare your brother ruin the moment for you! He had no business telling her that. Second, even without the rest of her family being in the wedding, it sounds as though you were already set on asking her, so why not? I understand being hesitant with her now expecting; one of my bridesmaids had just had a baby when I asked her, and I was worried that with the care and possibly feeling the need to lose weight, she'd say no. Instead she said yes with no hesitation and immediately wanted to plan the bachelorette party! If you were dead set on asking your SIL even before she got pregnant, regardless of what your brother told her, I still don't see how it can hurt to ask her. It will probably be just the break she needs!

This is too early to ask!!! When the time comes (6-9 months out ideally), reassess. Talk to SIL about not wanting a baby involved in the day and allow her to graciously decline if need be.

You have to ask her, and don't worry about logistics right now. As it gets closer talk about your concerns and the options available. I had a friend in a similar situation, her friend was pregnant when she asked (baby would have been about 3 months old at the time of the wedding) and the mom ended up declining being in the bridal party so she could care for the baby and not have to worry about being in the wedding. Everyone was happy.

My future BIL and his wife are trying now too, and she is one of my bridesmaids, and my future BIL is the best man. I am definitely a bit concerned about if they get pregnant now or soon what that means for our wedding (we are also doing no kids under 12, so the baby would not be able to attend)

But right now none of it matters! Those things all need to be addressed later on, and as the situation changes

My SIL who was a bridesmaid also had a baby shortly before our wedding (the baby was just shy of 5 months old at the time of our wedding) and she did what many people with babies do: she hired a babysitter for the day! I think she may have stepped out at one point while we were getting ready to check on the baby and one more time before we left the hotel to go to the venue but otherwise she was fully present the whole day while the baby was safely being cared for by the babysitter.

View Quoted Comment We’re also doing no children other than the ring bearer and flower girl. But given our entire family will be at the wedding that would care for the baby and she’ll be nursing, I’ll of course be making an exception in this case. Good luck with your future SIL and potentially becoming an aunt soon. I agree it’s too soon for all the logistics but my fiancé doesn’t want to ask his groomsman until he knows for sure how many I’m going to have in my party Hopefully she just declines.

View Quoted Comment We’re asking our wedding party this month so we can lock down the room block since there’s two other brides staying in the same small resort. Anyone needing a room outside of our block will need to jump on it.

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Ahh, gotcha. Yeah, I mean, She might say yes now, and decide against it later on. But I feel like having an extra groomsmen isn't the worst!

I asked 7 bridesmaids, and SIL might not be in it. My FH asked 8 groomsmen, but 1 is moving to Asia in November. So we will have either 7 girls+8 guys, 7 girls+7guys, 6 girls+7guys, or 6 girls+8 guys. Luckily I don't care if they are uneven. It stressed me out until I looked at other wedding pics of uneven parties and honestly, I think it looks fine in pictures!

Update us on what happens! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Will do ☺️

View Quoted Comment I’m curious, If I waited 6-9 months to invite my wedding party how would 3 months before the wedding give them time to even order dresses? Plus my matron of honor is planning on hosting our engagement party in May, which 11 months is ideal compared to timelines.

In her shoes, I would appreciate not being asked to be in the bridal party with a child that age. And did turn down doing it if asked after I knew of my pregnancy/ having a little one to tote.

View Quoted Comment They would have 6-9 months to order dresses, not 3. And your MOH doesn't need to officially be the MOH to throw you a party. Anyone can throw anyone a party at any time

View Quoted Comment I think it’s what works best for everyone. My matron of honor is my next door neighbor and wishes to host the engagement party at her house since we live on the intercostal and she just finished having major renovations done to her backyard. In FL, the weather is still bearable in May which is why we’re scheduling that month. With all the Covid brides rescheduling the Club we’re getting married at has already booked all the weddings for our chosen weekend and I wanted to get on it with booking rooms. Our bridal party gets first dips on the 8 room block we were allowed to have but some will need to quickly book any overflow rooms available if they wish to stay at the Private club we’re getting married at- hence the need for the early proposals.

My FSIL just had a baby (literally today!) and she's in my wedding party! So baby will be 6 months by the time of the wedding. Her husband is also a groomsman, so they will arrange for a sitter! It helps that they also had a child free wedding so they get where we are coming from when we say no kids please. That said, she did politely decline to be in her friends wedding, which is in June I believe? Baby would have only been 6-8 weeks at that point and she felt that's too soon.

I see no reason why your SIL can't get a sitter for the day. If she works, a baby at that age would be old enough to be in daycare anyway. If she's breastfeeding, she can step out of the room to pump as needed. You could also offer for her to join later - if your girls are convening at 8am to start getting ready, she could join later in the morning or just get ready at home and meet you at the venue.

I'd definitely still ask her and offer to help her find a babysitter for the day. Thousands of women with young babies are able to be bridesmaids without bringing their babies along. That's what babysitters are for!