Bridesmaid Cost - how much can I ask them to spend?

You need to ask them what they're comfortable spending and then go from there.

Ask them what their budget is for the whole outfit, including alterations. Make sure the total comes in lower than the lowest response you get. Your MoH doesn't need to come to town for anything other than the wedding itself, which she has time to save up for.

$0. If you can't afford bridesmaids, then oh well. All your bridesmaids should pay for is the gas to get themselves to the wedding. You should foot the bill because it's your vision for your wedding. Anything else is presumptuous and rude regardless if it is the way things are done now.

I suggest asking privately what they are comfortable spending. What we (pps) may personally be comfortable with your BMs may not.

Can you have your BM dresses be something that they already own? Like a little black dress?

You ask them what they can spend and then budget to the lowest response. Also please remember your bridal party are humans, not glitter covered salves. While it's nice that they do "extras" showers, planning anything, they're only real "job" is to show up day of in appointed attire.

And you may not fire your wedding party once you ask, so be POSITIVE about your choices.

ETA: I completely disagree with Rachel. I have NEVER heard of the bride paying for the entire bridal party's outfits. That seems asinine to me However if you require a specific on hair and make up you pay for those, they do not. If you are not paying hair and makeup then it should be a choice for the girl on if they want/can afford it.

You need to ask them what their budget is... in private and separately.

Rachel- wtf? Brides only foot the bill if they can. Bridesmaids are only required to purchase their dress and show up to the wedding.

What are you asking them to pay for? Anyone who agrees to be a bridesmaids should know there are expected costs. The dress. If you want them all in the same dress (color, cut, etc) then find out what they're comfortable spending (privately). Don't ask in a group text or in front of all of them. In group settings people are more than likely going to agree to higher amounts so they don't feel like the odd-man out.

You could give them the option to buy their own dress. Tell them the color, length, style, etc and have them go on their own to find a dress. One BM could be comfortable spending $200 while another could be comfortable with $50. If this isn't an option then figure out the acceptable budget and call dress stores/boutiques. David's bridal and other dress shops will be able to tell you what dresses they have in the price range you're looking for.

As far as hair, makeup. If you are requiring it to be professionally done, you should be paying for it. If you're not requiring it, then it's up to them to decide whether or not they can afford that added expense.

Everything else, shower, bachelorette... Is optional. They aren't required to participate in these things.

ETA- same for shoes & jewelry. If you're requiring a certain piece of jewelry or shoe you should foot the bill.

I don't know why everyone gets in a tizzy over paying for their bridesmaids' clothing. This is how it's been done in every family wedding we've hosted and definitely the norm overseas (ex: UK). And honestly, a person's budget is none of anyone else's business. There's been times in my life that $50 would have been a big deal for me to spend - and you're not going to get a bridesmaid getup for less than $50 with shoes.

You're asking people to be in your wedding in certain outfits. You should pay. Otherwise, have them be regular guests.

Rachel, please now.

They need to purchase a dress. The end. If that would put them in a bind, let them be guests.

Rachel most bm's pay for their own dresses here. i brought my bm's out to a non bridal store and had them find dresses. only advice i gave them was long and black. they ended up getting dresses for only 40 dollars and loved them. if you dont want to ask what their budget is because you think it'd be too personal a question, try just bringing them out and seeing what theyre ok with spending.

@Rachel correct me I'm wrong but don't you also hate the fact that the grooms often get their tux free?

Most of us aren't in the UK, we're in the US. And actually one of my bridesmaids found her dress for under $50 and sh'es wearing shoes out of her own closet. Not too mention many of us would help our friends if needed and we were able to. But frankly if you can't afford to be in the bridal party you politely decline.

Oh well then that settles it Rachel. Since you and your family have always done it that way it must be so.

I was never asked what my budget was in both weddings I was in, so I got stuck with $300+ for dress, shoes, hair etc. So I chose not to have BMs in my wedding, so I wouldn't have to pay for dresses I can't afford or make anyone pay for something they may not be able to afford. But privately ask, or you can buy their dresses yourself as their BMs gift

Thanks for the input everyone (except Rachel). I don't think my whole message posted - I found hair and makeup for $100 and I'm covering my MOH's H&M. For dress, I asked them to get any style and any shade of grey, any brand from any store. I feel like I'm being very accommodating and we're already over budget for the rest of the wedding so I really can't afford to cover everyone's dresses.

My girls found a dress on WeddingtonWay that they all love. It's $280 and I told them no haha. I don't feel right at all having them pay that! We're trying to find a similar style. I'm not making them do H&M through my girl. I don't care how their hair and makeup looks and I don't care about shoes. Whatever they're comfortable with.

Ashley I think you've done everything right. However hair and make up needs to be optional for bridesmaids. If they want and can afford it great if not then they shouldn't have to come up with an extra $100 + tip

I told my girls it was completely optional but I did find great pricing

You can't force them to get hair and make-up. $100 is great, but please give them the option of doing it themselves unless you're paying for it.

I appreciate that you are concerened about the cost. I've always known I would be spending a bit on money on a dress every time I have been a bridesmaid. That's part of being a bridesmaid. In all but one wedding I have just had to wear the dress chosen and pay for it. It sounds like you are trying to be reasonable and your girls will appreciate it!