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B
Savvy October 2020

Bridesmaid +1’s

Brooke, on June 21, 2021 at 11:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
Hi guys!
We are getting married in October and I cannot wait. Since our guest list was not that large, we gave every single guest the option of a plus one. While we didn’t originally have rules on that, I do have a concern. Two of my bridesmaids want to bring their friends (one of whom I’ve never met) as their plus ones. I’m a bit thrown off, because I personally feel that most plus ones are for a date, not your close friend you want to party with. Am I overthinking? Should this be addressed? It’s possible I’m just being sensitive, but I’m especially concerned since it is two of my bridesmaids. I don’t want them to be upset with me, but I’m also not comfortable with them inviting friends like it’s a party. Please give me your thoughts! Smiley smile

16 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on June 25, 2021 at 12:56 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    A true plus one is anyone the guest wants to bring with them. I think you're overthinking it. I had a friend bring her sister as a plus one. If I am extending a plus one, it is not my prerogative to dictate who it is.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    A plus one doesn’t have a name on the invite because it’s open to anyone. As long as you don’t have personal issues against this person there’s no reason it should only be for a “date”.
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    A +1 is anyone your guest would like to bring. I know most of us would prefer a significant other, considering the cost pp, but it's subjective and not up to us to judge if we're leaving it open.
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    If you give your guests an open +1, that is, you didn’t specifically addressed invitations to ‘[Name] and Guest’, then you need to accept that your guests will bring whoever they want to choose to your wedding. In theory, unless someone’s date is broaching the territory of becoming their significant partner, then any date any of your friends bring are just people they want to party with.

    Had you specifically invited significant others only, this would have been a different story, but in this situation, it would not be reasonable for you to define ‘+1’ since you’ve given everyone a broad right to bring any person of their choosing.

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  • Piper
    Dedicated April 2022
    Piper ·
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    A date is not a +1 and should be invited with their name written on the enveloppe. A +1 is a guest's friend or family member.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    A plus one is for anyone the guests chooses to bring. It can be a random date, friend, or family member. And no you don't need to know the plus one. You are definitely over thinking.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Exactly 100% this^^^^^
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Def. overthinking it. A plus one is whoever that guest wants to bring along with them, whether it's a date, friend, family member, roommate. It's their choice who they bring, and although it would be nice, you don't have to know who that plus one is for them to come.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you don’t want people to bring random friends, then you don’t give plus ones to single people. A plus one is whoever that guest wants to bring with them to keep them company.
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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    You're overthinking it. What would be the difference between a guest bringing a friend and a wedding party member bringing a friend? A plus one doesn't have to be someone they're romantically involved with.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Nope, a plus one is any guest of their choosing and you don’t get to dictate who that can or can’t be. Some people use it as the opportunity to bring a date, some people use it to just bring a friend so they know they won’t have to be alone, and some people opt not to bring anyone. Two people brought plus ones to our wedding and neither were actual dates, but rather just friends. It worked out great because our guests they had someone there to keep them company. Not just for the wedding but for the whole weekend. Them having guests definitely made them more comfortable and made them have a better time, so I was thrilled that my guests’ guests could be a part of our day.
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    If you gave them a plus one you don't get to police who they bring.

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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    I totally get what you’re saying, but don’t worry your bridesmaids will be less present with you because they’re bringing a friend. My SIL has extreme anxiety, especially around people she doesn’t know. She brought her friend (without asking) to my bach and then (invited) to our wedding and honestly it helped her so much. She was nicer to me than she ever has been, and was able to true chill at the reception. And honestly, I didn’t care how hard my bridesmaids partied or who they partied with at my reception—I wanted them to let loose and have a great time after all the formalities of the ceremony, photos, etc.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    So you'd rather them bring a romantic date, someone they need to attend to but aren't actually in a relationship with, to your wedding, rather than a chill friend they know well?

    A date is a lot of work. You need to be a good host and you are supposed to be courting the person and getting to know them. There is an expectation that it goes a certain way. You can't bail out of a sucky date halfway through a wedding very easily. And they are your bridesmaids, which means YOU are supposed to be their priority and they will spend a decent chunk of your wedding away from whoever they bring and attending to you. You should be glad they are bringing friends who don't need to be babysat and won't be a distraction and who won't potentially ruin your wedding with some weird behavior your friends haven't yet discovered or by potentially being a sloppy drunk or by uncomfortably forcing your friends do every single slow dance when she's just not that into him/her. Weddings are long, and 6+ hours with someone you don't know well in a romantically charged lovey dovey environment has the potential to backfire big time.

    You don't get to dictate who someone's plus one is, and who they choose only affects you if that person is disrespectful, rowdy, or otherwise endangers your wedding. Personally, I'd rather have a guest bring a friend as their date to my wedding instead of someone they were just getting to know.

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  • anna
    Devoted October 2019
    anna ·
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    Yes, exactly. we had a guest bring her adult daughter (who we had never met) as a plus one. another friend brought his brand-new girlfriend (like, it was literally their second date), which we raised our eyebrows at a little bit, but to our surprise, they are still together almost 2 years later! especially for members of the bridal party, they should be able to bring whoever they want as their plus one.

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    You are overthinking it. Be glad they are not bringing their parents, nieces and nephews. Smiley heart

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