Bride planning bachelorette party

I didn't have a MOH either--we had a mix of genders on both sides of our WP and my brother was my main witness--but my BMs still got together and took over the planning. you should definitely just let your WP members handle this one--for sure you can offer them ideas about what you'd like, if they ask, but in the end it's poor form to plan your own.

I don't think planning your own is rude in any way. People plan their own birthday parties and parties to celebrate other achievements all the time. It's not the same as planning your own shower where gifts are expected. In my circle, bachelorette parties are very very minimal on gifts and mostly just silly/fun stuff. I would say having someone to plan it for your is mostly just nice because it's so close to the wedding and you'll be stressed as it is.

I'm mostly planning mine (getting lots of help from BM and MOH) because I'm really picky about how I like to host people and have had some bad experiences as a bridesmaid where there wasn't a person who had the final say on things and it was SO unorganized due to lack of decisions. I also want to help financially and not have it burden my BMs who are already spending on dresses, shoes, travel...etc.

It's not a party in "my honour" it's a party WITH my closest friends...who I already party with all the time.

To everyone saying it’s rude to plan your own, I’m not looking to change my idea of myself planning it- it’s something I very much look forward to doing and I have no intention of passing the reins onto someone else. I didn’t have a shower and I don’t expect the BM to pay for this- I agree that since it isn’t a shower (which I didn’t have) or anything where gifts are expected, I don’t feel bad about planning it. I trust they’d find things I wanted to do, but I’m extremely picky and I want to plan it. Thank you to those who gave suggestions, I appreciate it! I may present it to them as a “girls’ night” but I think I’ll keep it as a bachelorette party unless I feel a lot of pushback from them. I know the other 2 BM are expecting something like this as they are more laid back and are comfortable with my preference of planning everything.

I don't think it is rude at all to throw your own bachelorette party, 2 of my best friends who just recently got married, planned both of theirs and there were no issues and no one thought it was rude. It wasn't until I came on this forum, that I heard it was rude.

With that said, yes it is rude to throw your own bachelorette party and expect the bridal party to pay for everything. But if you are planning it, throw the details of what you want to do out to your BP and say anyone interested here is where I will be and what I will be doing and pay for yourself & whatever else you want to pay for for everyone, then why not?

How do your friends not know you would rather go hiking than bar hopping? Do you guys not know each other at all? My friends would love a spa day followed by high tea. They also know I would hate every minute of that and will throw me a glorious peen infested party in my honor. You should be able to tell them what you want for a party. I think you just don't trust them to plan it EXACTLY how you want it. Which is not cool

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Best advise!!! absolutely Life will not always go as YOU plan that's when you learn to roll with the punches!!

Anyone besides you can plan the bachelorette. I am having a matron of honor and a maid of honor and 4 bridesmaids. Maid of honor is planning the bachelorette and one of my brides maids is planning the shower. There are no rules and no one “has” to plan it for you. But planning it for yourself is weird.

They do know that that is something I'd like to do, however they have expectations of how bachelorette parties are supposed to go, and they already expressed ideas that are the opposite of what I want for THIS occasion. We all live in different states- if we all lived around each other I may be more inclined for the typical party, but I want to instead spend the time doing things that I don't get to do out here in Florida- like hiking. I don't expect them to read my mind, no matter who close we all are. And it's true that I don't trust (anyone) to trust it exactly as I want it, because they're not me! If it's an event for my wedding and they're not paying for it, I think I have the absolute right to plan what I want to do.

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I don't really see the application of this as a prep for married life in my scenario (it may very well be in your case- I don't know your situation). Of course there will be things beyond my control, but this don't HAVE to be beyond my control- which is why I'm planning it. I also don't want to deal with the emotion that will follow when they plan it- I don't want to have to display my "gratefulness" for what they do for me and how much they care for me- that just sounds uncomfortable and awkward. For this same reasoning, we're not allowing speeches at the ceremony, either. If they love us, great- I don't want some grand display made of it. Their role as BM is exclusively to stand next to me at the ceremony- that's it.

If I found out a bride was hosting her own gift giving event, I wouldn't go. I also wouldn't be giving that bride any kind of gift for her wedding.

If you don't trust them to plan the party then decline them throwing you one. Simple.

I actually will not have MOH either. For the same reason. As for the bachelorette party just say it's the one thing you want to do with things you want to do. The one thing you do not want to be "traditional" about.

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Well it's not a gift-giving event, so I fail to see how this is relevant.

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Thank you! Nothing much about the wedding is traditional- It's in Vegas, no speeches, no first dance, bachelor and bachelorette party are going to be outdoors/sports stuff v strip clubs and phallic decor, father wasn't asked prior to proposal (per my request), we've lived together for years, and the list goes on. I will thoroughly enjoy planning it, as that's something that I love doing!

I'm 100% with you; just plan it the way you want. It's not THAT serious if you don't do things the "traditional" way, no one is going to fall over and die from it. I'm going to do the same thing and I already told everyone straight up that instead of inconveniencing them, I don't mind doing the planning myself and their input/ideas are more than welcomed. No one had a problem, if anything they probably felt relieved lol.

Please don't plan your own bachelorette party. Let your friends do it. I assume they know your tastes, just roll with it!!!

I think there’s no harm in giving them a list of things you want to do, list of things you don’t want to do. Let them plan and keep and say you want an open communication with them with everything. I don’t think it’s rude for you to have the final say in what they plan. I’m planning my cousins right now and she made it clear she wanted no penis props or strippers, she wanted a laid back day at the pool and then to go to this wine festival the next day. I let her pick which air b&b she wanted and then I took care of all the behind the scenes stuff booking it and collecting money from everyone and what not. Let your bridesmaids do the stressful stuff like that so you’re not “planning” it all but I don’t think it’s rude to tell them what you want.

View Quoted Comment Not trying to tear down your idea. I'm just offering a separate perspective. Not trying to make you have a "traditional" wedding. Just letting you know something that has worked for me within my own life, and how I've applied it. Best of luck!

I’m totally with you!!! I’m not having a traditional bachelorette party either. I wanted to go away for the weekend to this hotel down the shore that has a spa and is close to a little shopping/craft store community thing, close to a winery and about 20 mins from a Atlantic City. I knew what I wanted AND wanted my mom, aunts, FMIL, & groom’s aunts there as as well. I knew exactly what I wanted and booked rooms and told people I’d love them to be there but understand if they can’t. I don’t see it as throwing a “party in my own honor”. I see it as planning a weekend getaway with the girls who are most important to me and doing what I want to do. My MOH and BM offered to help but there wasn’t a whole much to do except book rooms in advance. When it gets closer I plan on calling the winery to schedule a tour & make a Rez at their restaurant.
This is the one time in your life where it’s about you and your FH. If you want to plan your bachelorette party, if you want it at a Mountain house, Vegas casino, or pizza place - I say do what you want! You’re making it easier on them! How can they complain about that???

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Why are you friends with them if you can not even trust them to honor you with a party. If I found out my friend didn't trust me with this task I would be hurt. Its a party not life or death. If you think you are prepping yourself for marriage by trying to control and manipulate every situation to your advantage you got a rude awakening coming

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I'm really not understanding the references a few of you are making to "prepping" myself for marriage? We've been living together, moving across the country together, making financed purchases together, having joint accounts, etc for years. FH knows I control everything I possibly can and has no problem letting me take over. It's one of my qualities he likes best. So yes, if there's a party in affiliation with a wedding I'M planning, then I'm planning that party as well unless it's planned by someone else as a surprise. And I'm friends with them because I enjoy their company- I don't want them planning this because I want to plan it. It's pretty simple.