Bridal Shower -- Who should be invited?

"mom, FH's mom, 2 grandma's, wedding party, siblings, FH siblings, and 9 aunts on my mom's side that puts the number at 21 people." invite those people, and the few friends you want to invite. you dont have to invite EVERY woman thats invited!

and @ jessica, no do not invite people to anything weddsing related that arent invited to the actual wedding. itll make them think that they were invited to one just so you could get a present but not good enough to spend the money on to invite to the wedding.

@ Jessica, aslong as they understand they're not invited to the wedding, and are okay with it, sure go ahead!

I invited about 30 and we had 18. These were just my friends, mom, and siblings. I did not invite wives of friends or relatives that I see only 2/3 times a year very casually. It is nice to have it very intimate, but it sounds like yours will be quite big and more family oriented. So no, don't invite the out of state people or relatives that you are not close to....And get your Mom and Aunt's opinion re family dynamics and whether you would offend family members by not inviting them or that they might be offended that you are asking for an additional gift....

I would say not though, unless you are close.

I made a list for my maid of honor who is doing most of the planning for it. I invited most of the women invited to the wedding...moms, aunts, friends, family friends etc. There was only a few of my FMILs friends that we have to invite to the wedding that I didn't want at the shower. You should invite whoever you want there. Its all about YOU! I think my list was about 25 ppl. A few were out of state but I don't expect them to come.

Well my MOH is "throwing" me one so the people that i dont want to invite i am using the excuse that my sister must have gotten confused or ran out of money and couldnt invite all or the people i had down to invite. (i do caution that i am only doing this tactic because my MoH offered) i am having a small shower and dont want a lot of people there. I have my aunts and mom and grandma (possibly there is a lil drama with her) and my cousins and a few friends. there is no set ettiquite on bridal showers except if they come to the shower they must be invited to the wedding. if you dont want them there then dont invite them it will be no fun if there is a group that dosent know anyone and it becomes awkward. There is even one cousin i am not inviting because she is the only female family on my dads side ( a lot of death on my dads side for some reason) and she wont know ANYONE but my sister mom and i and it will be no fun for her.

Thanks for all of the responses everyone!! I hope this thread and everyone's comments will be helpful for other people too.

I just talked to my aunt on the phone this morning and I'm feeling a little better. She basically said "invite anyone you want" but suggested I just send an invitation to my aunts and then if they choose to bring their daughters that's fine too.

HOWEVER, part of the problem I didn't mention was that much earlier I had posted a "Happy Holidays, hey we're getting married" post on our family website and some of my cousins said "hey, just let me know when the shower is" so I don't feel like I can totally leave out cousins. Also, my aunt posted something about the bridal shower a few weeks ago saying my mom and I were in charge of invitations (so now I feel a little put on the spot!! And my mom actually isn't helping with any of it - maybe she'll bring food or show up to the wedding; but that's beside the point).

What I'm thinking as far as extended. . .

Family is to just invite my mom's sisters and the few cousins that posted on the family website that they wanted to come. I think I'll also invite the cousins who friended me on FB. The rest of the women I'll just invite to the wedding. You guys are right -- I don't have to invite everyone and I don't want anyone to feel like I'm only inviting them to get a gift. (Btw, everyone invited to the shower will be invited to the wedding).

Hopefully this will work out. Thanks again!!

I'm inviting all the women who are invited to the wedding (with the exception of dates). My wedding isn't that large - but we're having it at my mothers/grandmothers house (they live near each other).

I have to basicly invite everyone because my MOH lives in the woods in NY and I live in a 1 bedroom apt in DC so there is no place to have it BUT 3 hours away (that's MY time). EVERYONE will be traveling to attend - or they won't come.

My MOH did suggest we could have it at her house in NY (cause fh has a lot of family in NY) but where she lives is like 3 hours from where they live (and a plane ride for me!)

Are all these people invited to your wedding? They can't be invited if they aren't invited to the wedding. That's like saying, "Come buy me a gift, but you can't celebrate what the gift is for."

I would stick with the 21 original people and 4 friends. It can look gift-grabby and a little presumptuous to invite a bunch of random people to a shower.

Yes, they are invited to the wedding and there is a background reasoning behind it (they aren't totally random). The last thing in the world I care about is getting gifts. (I've lived on my own for ages and really just want to connect with people). I guess I didn't explain myself well.. anyway, I do appreciate the advice.

Such a great question and thread, great answers from all too!

I'm just starting this process too. My situation is a family friend, who is more of my mom's close friend than mine, has offered to throw me a shower down in my home town. The limit is about 20 people. I have a lot of immediate family, future-in-law family, a few old school chums, and my mom's close friends and extended family and that definitely exceeds 20 people. There's also a few people I feel obligated to invite (mostly aunts or my FH's aunt and cousin), but I don't particularly want to invite them or I know they won't come due to traveling.

I guess my problem is trying to figure out how to cut down or separate this list...should I just have family, mom's friends and old school chums at the one in my home town and a completely separate shower for my friends and bridesmaids where I actually live?

I also have a bridesmaid that has had a couple of emotional meltdowns because she felt like I was excluding her and assuming she wouldn't be interested in attending various functions or duties...at this point I really don't see being able to fit my bridesmaids into the home-town shower.

And I just realized how old this thread was But at least it was very helpful and good food for thought!