Bridal shower - who pays?!

Ok thanks everyone.

My Mom, future mother in law, sister, MOH and myself all paid for my shower. Maybe that's not the proper etiquette but that's what we did for mine and it was perfect. I've never heard of a shower being a surprise to the bride until I got on this website.

@Future381sWife it doesn't matter what year it is, etiquette still stands. If you partake in planning your shower, then it comes across as tacky and gift grabby.

My MOH is throwing my bridal shower and I was involved from picking the place to the theme. Not that I don’t trust her judgement, of course I do she’s my MOH, but, I also don’t want anything hoity toity. More laidback and affordable. She’s also asking the reminder of my BM to help chip in on expenses; if someone can’t it’s not as if we’re going to judge them or hold it against them either way the shower will happen just any help would be appreciated. I have 8 BMs so being split amongst them and my mother I am not offended and know my BMs won’t be either. That’s just my two cents. I’ve also planned my bachelorette from the get go by myself and I am 100% okay with that🤷🏻‍♀️

I also am not doing a registry. Instead, I’ve asked all attendee’s to bring a bottle of wine or liquor as a gift that will be enjoyed at the reception. 😬

Whoever is hosting is the one who pays. The bridal party usually chips in without being asked....they know it's their duty to host a bridal shower and/or bachelorrete party.

I was in a wedding where it was expected and basically forced of my to pay and participate even though I couldn’t attend as I lived a days drive away. (I’m actually still mad about this). It should be the person who offers to host who pays. The bridal shower should not be an expectation. The bridesmaids can offer to contribute, but don’t expect this. A bridal shower is a gift and an optional one. Be happy with whatever you get!

View Quoted Comment Aww. I left this post a year ago. I've been married for a couple months now. Can't believe it's still circling around. Lol. Good luck to everyone's upcoming wedding!

In the weddings I've been in, the bridal party splits the cost. In the past two, the MOB has contributed more and sometimes the MOH contributed a bit more, but the rest of it was split among the bridesmaids.

I cannot believe the people on here who were bridesmaids and mad about helping pay for the shower? Surprise that’s part of your duty.

View Quoted Comment Um. No. Bridesmaids don’t have “duties”. It is not a job. Sure. Brideamaids should offer to help out. I’m my case I had no issue with contributing. My issue was the expectations and entitlement the bride had. She was “ashamed” of me for not attending her shower when I lived 8 hours away. When I told her I wouldn’t let a person wedding shower rip our friendship apart she responded with “we will see”. After that; no I didnt want to contribute or have anything to do with it. Be realistic. Be understanding. Don’t expect anything. People will surprise you in ways you don’t expect: if my bride friend had just relaxed her expectations and not literally harrassed me for not going to her shower, I would have done sooooo much more for her. Treat people like they are your friends.

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Thank you! lol

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The issue in this scenario is that your friend was a bridezilla. You said it yourself - if she acted differently you would have done more for her. Bridesmaids do have roles. If they are genuinely happy for the bride and the bride is considerate, having this discussion will not take place between them. The personalities and characters of the individuals involved influences the contributions made by all.

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You are dead wrong on that one. Their duty is to pay for the dress, and be on time for the wedding. There are no other requirements and that includes paying for parties. It might be considered traditional but it is not a duty nor a responsibility.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your perspective. In the era of Pinterest- what if you have a vision for the party and the guests (ie a bubbly bar, dessert table) - something that you can’t really orchestrate at your wedding due to venu restrictions. Does it matter if the bride offers suggestions if the family is (gladly) paying for it ?

My mom is hosting my bridal shower and is not asking my bridesmaids to pay for anything. I am in my friends wedding and her mother is expecting the 3 bridesmaids to pay for the shower and she is not chipping in on anything because "it's the bridesmaids responsibility" which I do not agree with at all.

I am the MOH in a friends wedding and it was only mentioned today from the bride herself, that myself and the bridesmaids will be splitting the cost of the venue/Food for the shower. I was ok with contributing to the planning decorations, games and gifts and favors that were originally discussed but was never made aware of the venue. When I mentioned to the bride that this contribution was surprising and unexpected, she said “you are hosts as well and split the food too just like in our other friends shower”. The difference here is that the friends mother looped is in and asked us l versus this bride planning the location and budget with her mom. She then mentioned that she asked a few of the other bridesmaids and they were ok with splitting the cost with her mom. I am comfortable contributing to what was originally discussed but cannot afford to split the cost of the venue. Besides that one shower, I have only known the MOB to cover the cost of the event. I’m afraid that the bride will take this the wrong way and not be okay with my contributions as they currently stand especially as MOH. And more importantly I am afraid this will impact our friendship of 25 years. How should I respond?

View Quoted Comment I love this idea. How did you go about asking for that? How did it turn out?

View Quoted Comment We just put in lieu of gifts please bring a bottle of liquor or wine to be enjoyed at the reception. It turned out great!! We got 33 bottles of wine and 18 bottles of liquor 🙌🏻👏🏻

I completely disagree! I don’t see the need or reason for such harsh criticism either toward Christine (rude!). If someone wants to host their own shower, go for it. You don’t know their situation. Maybe they don’t have anyone who is willing or can, but still want the experience. It’s not all about the gifts. It’s a party with food, games, etc. It’s not any different than hosting your own birthday party, housewarming, engagement party, etc. with the expectation of gifts. It’s a reason to celebrate. And if the bride is paying for everything and feeding all the guests, why should anyone else care?