Bridal shower - who pays?!

The host should pay. I don't think she should be asking the bridesmaids to chip in.

Whoever offered to host should be paying, not recruiting other people to pay for it.

The weddings that I have been a part of we split it, I think the MOH seemed to pitch in a little more then the rest of the bridesmaids. For my shower I have no idea who paid, I kept asking if I could help and they told me just to show up.

My mom MOH and aunt are throwing mine. Grateful for everything they are doing

Whoever is hosting it is the one who pays. It's nice that you want a nice place to have it at, but it's up to the host to choose what they can afford (nice to your standards, or not).

I wouldn't worry about it. My bridesmaids talk about throwing me a bridal shower but nobody has actually made any reservations or real plans. If they don't do it, I won't say anything and just won't have one lol. I'm not going to micromanage my bridal shower and you shouldn't either.

The bride should stay out of planning entirely. It is inappropriate to get involved, even to the extent of giving your approval to the venue. The details are not your business.

Unless your Mom asked the bridesmaids if they wanted to co-host the shower and they agreed, she should not be asking them for money.. If Mom can't afford a shower at a venue, she should host at her home, or someone else's home.

As a bridesmaid, I've split the shower with other bridesmaids, even when I wasn't able to attend (that sucked.)

If your mother is the one who decided to throw you a shower, then she should be prepared to pay for it. She shouldn't be recruiting your sister to ask the BMs to give money. If others want to contribute, they can offer.

Ok everyone thank you for you help! Xoxo

I'm a bride planning a good majority of my own shower because of other unexpected things going on. I was initially planning on not being involved other than having it at my home

You wrote, "wanted to make sure it was a nice place they picked out." Who's they? Is it your mom, or was it your MOH and BMs? Was it some combination of both?

If it was the bridal party, they pay. If it was some combination of both, they (those who are close enough to attend) divide the cost with your mom. If it was your mom, and mom alone, she jumped the gun (or decided, against the group decision, to host a wedding shower for her daughter) and assumed a position that belonged to your honor attendants. If she chose the place, it's on her dime (as is every penny that goes to funding this shower), and she shouldn't be asking any honor attendant to fund her choice of venue..

ETA: Christine, there isn't an excuse under the sun that gives the bride the authority to plan her own gift showering party (something that's routinely funded by other people -- or even by the bride, herself). Your first mistake was assuming that you were entitled to a shower. Your second was examining those unnamed "unexpected things" and deciding that their existence entitled you, the bride, to take the reins of your bridal shower. Etiquette fail.

Cristina, no. You shouldn't be planning your own shower. That can be seen as really gift grabby.

Venessa, the BM's should not be presented a bill for their share of the shower. It's up to the hosts to do it, and also, it's the venue of their choice, not yours.

Going out on a limb here.... this is 2017 and if a bride @christina f, or anyone else wants to help, organize, and/or pay for their shower, so be it!!! I don't believe she shouldn't have a day just because she doesn't have someone else to possibly do it. I don't know her specific situation, but maybe she doesn't have parents, is an orphan, lives in a separate country or what have you... I digress from the OP, sorry. I just read and read about how brides cannot have their own/take part in a shower.

Personally, I believe, it's SAD if a bride has to do her own thing. After all she is planning a wedding. Maybe we should all support them. Okay off my soap box.

ETA: about paying.... its whoever offers to host. If others chip in, wonderful!! If not the host should foot the bill.

My bridesmaid are starting to plan my shower. They've asked me for a guest list and some suggestions as to what I would like. But I just said something simple and relaxed of they choose to do anything at all.

@Future381sWife

No matter the year, throwing a party for oneself where the sole purpose of the party is for guests to literally "shower" you with guests is tacky af.

No one deserves a shower. The wedding is all about the bride, and the guests who attend it show their support that way.

Also, I have no idea what you mean in your appeal to "think about the orphans" unless out of pity they should be excused for being greedy. My mother died last year, but I am certainly not throwing my own shower because of it.

Any friend can host a shower. If a bride truly has no friends or loved ones to host, who would even be invited to give all these gifts she deserves so much that she has to explicitly demand them by hosting her own shower?

In my circle, the MOB usually pays for the venue/food and the bridesmaids pay for the prizes, favors, decorations, dessert, etc. it isnt really a hard fast rule it just seems to be what happens.

I was in a wedding however where the MOB, MOG and all bridesmaids just split the cost of everything evenly. I think it just depends.

I was forced to pay for a friend's shower when I was a Bridesmaid a few years ago. I'm still super bitter about it. If your girls want to chip in, fine, but you definitely shouldn't make them.

The host pays but your mother could ask if the bm would like to contribute. She just has to be ok if they say no.

As a bm this has happened to me, but I was voluntold to contribute by the host. This still upsets me to this day! It's definitely ok to ask but not to demand the BMs help.

I disagree it's okay to ask the BMs to contribute. If a person(s) can't afford to pay for the whole thing on their own, they shouldn't offer to host.