Bridal shower issues

First, make your mom a Valium smoothie. Second, you're on the right track with your MOH - you can't actually make her throw you BOTH a bachelorette and a shower, since, technically, she's not required to do either. She just has to wear the dress and sign the marriage certificate. Third, don't throw your own shower - your heart is in the right place, but it never comes across well.

Can another relative organize the shower? Or can a few of your girlfriends pitch in and throw something simple?

First thing make it fun, so here's some ideas I've used in the past: hula hooping, belly dancing, pole dancing, spa, vineyard, or churrascaria platforma [which is my most requested]

I really don't know about someone else throwing it. The rest of my BM live farther away and they are all in college so they have no money either. I am planning a luncheon for them so I will have to bring it up and ask them then. I just feel bad asking other people to throw a shower so I can get gifts, know what I mean?

I am not doing it for the gifts though, I just want everyone to be together. I realized that is what the other post sounds like

Mistie - If it's less about gifts, and more about getting the ladies together, why not have a Recipe Shower/Potluck? Everyone brings a dish to pass, and the recipe for that dish. You could even have people bring recipes for punches and cocktails so there's plenty to drink.

Ooooh, I really like that idea. I do love to cook...and drink

Mistie - Thanks! My girlfriend organized one before my first wedding, and it was a blast. One of my friends, as a gag, brought me the recipe for Kamikazes, and the recipe card had a little poem about how they were the most glorious of all shooters.

That is a GREAT idea Shannon!

I was going to say, all except one of my BM live out of state (AK/FL/OR yeah not close together AT ALL) and since everyone is spending so much money to go to the wedding in Hawaii we are having a bach/shower combined so everyone can be there (and all the other women traveling for the wedding) We are going to do a showerish thing in the afternoon like brunch sort of thing, do the games, then dress up and do the bach party... I'm telling them all NOT do give me gifts...they are spending enough as it is!

Sean I love your idea! I am getting married next year in Hawaii as well at Turtle Bay.

Actually according to emily post, neither you nor your mom can host the shower. see your parents are already hosting the wedding, which is essentially asking guests to bring you gifts. so your mom can't host a second event where you get gifts, that's not how it's done. it's not like a bday party, so you can't do it yourself. either someone else steps up and hosts you a shower, or you don't get one. tell your MOH to talk to the other bridesmaids or to your aunts or grandma, and maybe together they can come up with the money. but you really shouldn't have anything to do with it.

:UPDATE:

Just got off the phone with my mom (she called me) and her, my aunt, and possibly my grandmother are gonna pitch in and do it for me. I told them your idea Shannon and she thought it was great so i think we are gonna do it. Thanks everyone!

Your mom shouldn't be doing it, and you shouldn't either. It doesn't look good. Can your bridesmaids or other close family members help. My aunt's are taking care of mine.

Christie - I think etiquette-wise it's OK for Mistie's mom to host a recipe shower. If it were a traditional shower with gifts, I'd totally see your point of view.

Anyone who would cluck and disapprove of Mistie getting some pasta salad and recipe cards is clearly not someone Mistie should be worried about pleasing!

Im confused on why a mother cant throw a shower, etiquette out the window. Im paying for my own wedding not my parents, so my mom and aunt are throwing my shower and my BMs are doing the Bachlorette party.

Awwww no. Why not just help the MOH do it... that is a rough spot man... I am sorry. If MOH is embarassed can you help her throw it and then not tell anyone you covered the cost?

Well, my mom, aunt, and grandmother are gonna all pitch in. My MOH is going to help she just will not be the "hostess". I am paying for my own wedding so I see no problem with my family hasting it. I do have registries set up but I am not expecting anything off of them. If I get something, that is great, if not, it's not a problem.

I could be wrong, but I believe it is now perfectly acceptable for the bride's family (including the mother) to host the bridal shower.

http://www.emilypost.com/new-times-new-traditions/129-who-can-host-a-shower

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/top-wedding-questions/qa/can-mom-or-sis-host-bridal-shower.aspx

Why can't her mother do it Christy? My fiance's cousin is throwing mine. She offered to do it to take it off of my plate and I really apprecite it. I think any time someone helps you when you have so much already to do it's awesome no matter where it comes from.

Having a bridal shower at BM home. Bach party is not so much that. Have no interest in the typical bachelorette party idea so we are renting a cabin for two nights and me and MOH and BM are going there for a girls get away and exploring the area. No strippers, no drunken hung over! Love this plan.

My sisters are throwing my shower at my mom's house. We are having the shower right after lunch and then going out later for the bachelorette party. So we're doing them both at the same time. My parents are paying for the wedding and technically my mom is paying for the shower but the invites say my 3 sisters are giving it to me but at my mother's house. The ones I've invited don't really care. They care about me and just want to spend some time hanging out. I think that's what's important. Not who throws it for you or if you get the gifts. Just have fun with your friends and family!