Bridal Shower Etiquette

Generally, it is poor form for your immediate family to host your shower. An Aunt, yes, but your mom, no.

As to your question, only invite those ladies that you are closest to and will definately be attending your wedding. There are quite a few things that can change between now and then and if they drop off the guest list, but attended the shower, it can be perceived as rude.

Everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding. I just invited close family and friends. Keeping the number small makes it a lot easier to not hurt feelings, just like a wedding.

@originalKD it was totally my mom's idea and offer. She isn't playing a very big part in our wedding, for many reasons, so I thought when she asked I'd say sure, but it was totally her idea.

It's traditionally not considered to be appropriate for a mom to hold a shower for a daughter. Having said that, I'd invite close family and friends.

These days, I don't know if the breach of a mother throwing the shower is as bad as it used to be. I think the only hard-and-fast rule now is for the bride or couple to throw her/their own shower. I think most people understand circumstances have changed a lot--my mother threw my shower (financially) with my BMs helping because most of them found themselves in unexpected and unpleasant financial situations. Not what I would have wanted (I tried hard to talk my mom out of it), but she REALLY wanted to do it.... Whatever. The people who came weren't going to judge me anyways.

Previous commenters are right; whoever is invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding, but you don't have to invite everyone to the shower who you're inviting to the wedding. I invited probably +/- 150 women to my wedding; I only invited 35 women to my shower.

I think the first question to ask is what YOU want--do you want a small shower in someone's home? Would you just love a giant shower in a church hall or as a picnic at a winery? Do you want something mid-sized in an upscale restaurant?

Once you have a vision for what you like, make sure your mom is okay with it and/or your BMs can help pull it off. That should help you determine your number. From there, I'd suggest inviting like groups. Are you close to his family? For me, I only invited my family and friends, with the exception of my FH's mother and 2 sisters. Just be consistent. If you're inviting aunts (from one or both sides), you should invite all the aunts from that 1 or both sides. If you extend to first cousins on your side, you likely should invite all first cousins on your side. If first cousins from both, then all first cousins from both, etc. The only exception might be if either family is really dysfunctional, where you totally could pick and choose a first cousin or an aunt or two and no one else in the family would know or care.

Just was tacking that on since you were asking about etiquette. Proper etiquette is that immediate family is not involved in the hosting of the shower. They are generally honored by the host (corsage, etc), and may help in obtaining the guest list and advising as to your preferences.

I think now it's more common for mothers to throw showers for their daughters. Especially if the daughter is paying for the wedding herself without parents helping. It's still technically not not etiquette but it doesn't bother me.

Generally though the list is for close family members and friends.

There's nothing wrong with people being invited to the wedding but not the shower. Usually a shower is for closest family and friends. Ask your mom what number she was thinking for a guest list and go from there.

The mom hosting a shower rule was more for when brides were still living with their parents up until the wedding, so it was seen as soliciting gifts for one's own household. That rule has relaxed a lot since most brides don't live with their parents until the wedding anymore.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with parents hosting the shower if they are not hosting the wedding. Everyone invited to the shower MUST be invited to the wedding. NOT everyone invited to the wedding must be invited to the shower. Decide whether you want women-only or co-ed. Just keep in mind.... don't do a "jack and jill" charging people money to enter and doing raffles. It's totally classless. Hosting is called hosting for a reason.

Your close family and friends.

There is nothing rude or in poor form about your mom offering to host your shower. I know that wasn't your question, but you shouldn't worry about that.

I tried to keep my bridal shower guest list to close family, close friends, and largely people who are local. My MOHs did invite very close friends who are out of town but the danger of doing that to too many women out of town is that it seems "gift grabby."

I had two showers, one on my husbands side and one on my side so neither got too large.

And yes, typically aunt or BP or other family member throws shows.

Not every woman invited to wedding needs to be invited to the shower. But every women who goes to the shower must be invited to the wedding.

Everyone who is invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding, but not all the women invited to the wedding need to be invited to the shower. Although that is the traditional and easy way to do it, you can also end up with a big guest list that way. Honestly, its waaayyyyy too early for you to really think about this. Wait until you have a firm guest list. Also, its possible that other people may offer to throw you showers (typically bridal party or aunts/other family members handle showers). Especially if your FH has a lot of women on their side of the family, they may offer. If no one else offers and its just the one shower, I would do family, bridal party, CLOSE female friends.

According to Martha Stewart's wedding etiquette site, it used to be seen as poor form for immediate family to host the shower but this is changing. It's not a huge faux pas anymore, my Mom will also be hosting my shower (she offered, and she's also my Matron of Honor so there's that too).

As for the guests, everyone else pretty much covered it. You don't have to invite every female that's invited to the wedding to the shower, but every guest that is invited must also be invited to the wedding.