Bridal party trouble

Just because she didn't have you in her wedding doesn't mean she can't be in yours. Yes it was rude that she didn't have you in her wedding, but no one is obligated to have someone in their wedding. If she is someone you can't imagine not having by your side on your wedding day then go ahead and have her in your wedding. I wasn't in two of my bridesmaids weddings, but they were still in mine.

If you want her in your wedding, ask her. If you don’t, don’t ask her. Her wedding should have no bearing on yours.

Nope, don’t feel the need to include her—I wouldn’t want to get ready with her. Up to you if you want to include her in things, personally I’d be uncomfortable asking her to help if she wasn’t a BM.

A piece of advice I gave a friend who was on the fence about a bridesmaid because it threw off the numbers is this- years from now, looking at photos of the best day of your life, will you be more disappointed that you did not ask this person to stand with you or will you be disappointed or indifferent that they were standing with you? What she did shouldn’t matter for your wedding, keep it as simple as you want them to or not. They’re a good enough or important enough friend or not.

My FH was in one of his best friends weddings (makes sense) and I was relatively close with the wife. They invited me to the bachelorette party and then on the way wedding, asked me to announce the wedding party (no DJ) and welcome people into the reception/stand by the welcome book. It was super awkward for me. We don't see them much anymore but FH is still close to this guy so he asked him to be a groomsman in our wedding. He said yes and then said "If Taylor needs another BM, my wife would be happy to do it!" (Disclaimer: Didn't need another BM) SO I get why that was weird for you! Anywho, if you wanted her to be in your wedding, ask her! I wouldn't make adjustments just because she doesn't have the best etiquette. It seems like you were included, you just didn't have to pay for all the stuff associated with being a BM. You're winning! lol

View Quoted Comment Haha I actually spent more on her wedding than any wedding I've been in! I was still invited to all the stuff, and was even asked to help plan a lot of it because I used to be an event planner. I think that's why it's so weird for me; I'm pretty sure I wasn't in it just so that they didn't have to hire a day of coordinator. But you're right; I picture her with us, so it shouldn't matter that I wasn't in hers. Thanks!

If you love her enough to want her to be in your wedding, then of course ask her! But, if what she did really gets to you (I know it would bother me) then don't. It's completely your decision - as it was hers!

Wedding etiquette states that if you're still close friends with someone that invited you to their wedding/bridal party under 5 years , that you should do the same. Now everyone is different! I mean it's kind of sad that you weren't included in the bridal party. The same thing happened with my hubby (he was the best man) spent money he didn't have on the party. But now they're not that close and he's not in our wedding party because he isn't reliable and honestly has been a s***** friend. I told him he def won't be apart of the wedding party. It's honestly how you feel at the end of the day. Remember this is your wedding, you want postive memories not negative.

Personally if she's a very close friend and you'd like her to be a bridesmaid, I would ask her, regardless of what she did for her wedding. If she hadn't gotten married you probably wouldn't question having her as a bridesmaid or not, so I say just got for it

If you would like to move pass it and always planned on her being in it, I would include her. Don’t let others influence or suave you with their comments . However, if you’re hurt by it and feel it would be a cloud over your happy time.... just ask her to help with small tasks because she should understand. It’s about what you want.

I had a situation sort of similar to this. My friend got married a year ago and before she got engaged, always told me when she got married she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. After she got engaged, I found out through social media she has picked ten bridesmaids and I wasn't one of them. I was very hurt but didn't know how or if I should say something to her. About a month later, she called me and asked me to be an usher for the wedding. It kind of felt like a backhanded compliment, but I said yes. I was still expected to help plan and attend the bridal shower (the Bach party was a weekend in Vegas which I couldn't go to).


Now that I am the one getting married, she fully expected to be a bridesmaid. We have 3 on each side and I didn't make her or her sister part of the party. I know she was a bit hurt, but she is still in the 49 person guest list, and I dont feel I owe her anything.
Decide what is best for you. If you want her in the wedding, ask her.

"Wedding etiquette states that if you're still close friends with someone that invited you to their wedding/bridal party under 5 years , that you should do the same."

I have never heard of this idea in all my years of following wedding etiquette. Can you quote a source? What if the first person has a big wedding with seven attendants and the second person has a small wedding with two?

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I haven't seen that before either. Now my issue is that my FH wants his sisters in the bridal party, which is great, but now I'm at 7 and he's at 6. If I didn't have my friend in, we would be even.

View Quoted Comment

His sisters stand with him. On his side.