Bridal party plus ones....

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She explained everyone's SO will be invited she's saying she didn't give plus ones to the single people.

She's not excluding anyone's dates just not allowing the 5 people who don't have a BF/GF to bring a random.

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Right! Not a single person invited to my wedding received a plus one, but obviously people with SO's that are serious and that we know were invited by name. People are so quick to judge, like they're the ones paying for your wedding.

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And that would be fine. But they didn't decline. I guess they like spending time with me? And each other?

View Quoted Comment That’s fine and there’s plenty of rude things that you can do in wedding planning. She asked why etiquette dictates that your wedding party should receive plus ones and I, and everyone else, explained why. It’s up to her how she treats her own friends.

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I completely agree with this! The only exception I would make is if I invited someone who didn't know anyone else but everyone there is friends the people they are seated with. All SO's are seated together.

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You're really acting like my friends don't enjoy spending time with me/ each other. I don't know about your friends or who was in your bridal party, but my friends are making "getting ready" playlists and configuring what mimosa recipes we're going to be sipping at our makeup appointment and they're literally all excited for it. Reception and afterparty obviously SO's will be there, but stop acting like I'm some horrible boss when my friends actually LIKE hanging out together and getting day tipsy and getting all glammed up. Sorry if you didn't have the same experience.

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You actually didn't fully answer me you just went straight to judging and assuming I'm some slave driver ????? You didn't really say WHY it's etiquette just assumed that I'm being too extra because I'm realistic that they're gonna be busy? (Also literally not even busy doing work - mostly just hanging out it's just that there's a ton of us so H&M take all dang day.)

View Quoted Comment Can you please clarify when I said anything about the few hours it takes to get ready for the wedding? At absolutely no point did I say anything about that. It’s extremely common for the bridal party to get ready and have fun together, the fact that your bridesmaids are making playlists and mimosas isn’t anything special. The fact that you said your bridal party would be busy for an entire 24 hours before the wedding and won’t be “released” from their wedding duties until the last 2 hours of the reception is absurd.

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What duties do you think they have? Some of them, not even all, are helping me arrange flowers the morning before the rehearsal. I explained what they were doing all day- literally hair and makeup and nails. Maybe 24 hours was an exageration, I should have phrased that as "the whole day leading up to" does that work better for you? We're getting up, having breakfast, taking showers, and leaving to go get ready which is gonna take ALL DAY. And as Kiki and I have both pointed out, people who have significant others their SO's are coming, and I'm trying to find something to entertain them during the day so they aren't just sitting around, but most of those SO's are friendly with each other or have at least met, why would someone bring a random date to just neglect them with a group of strangers on kayaks all day? (I should also mention this is a semi- destination wedding and we have rented a beach house that everyone is staying in for free from Thursday - Monday, after Saturday night they have no obligations so they get two days of literal expense paid vacation. Feel free to keep acting like I'm so mean though.) Helping with light decorations and getting primped isn't extreme. The fact that we have like ten people to get through makes it take all day. It can't just be the "few hours" before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment It’s clear that you weren’t looking for an actual response, but just someone to support the decision that you already made, and it looks like you found her. Have a great night and happy planning!

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Also a point I think is valid - of the 5 people that aren't getting dates to my wedding... they also haven't asked for them. (And again two of them are literally in highschool but they're both groomsmen) So this whole thing literally doesn't even really apply to me and ya just coming for me for no reason. I was legitimately just wondering WHY this is considered the right thing to do when it just seems like who would want a rando just waiting around for them all day

I brought my now husband to a wedding across the country after dating for 2 months. I was a bridesmaid and we were all staying in a big house on the lake. None of my friends had met him yet. We kicked all the boys out in the morning to get ready and my husband was just fine hanging out with the other guys all day while I was with the girls. My friends were so excited to meet and get to know my then boyfriend now husband. I’m so glad my friend invited him and was welcoming and those people stood by our side at our wedding a few months ago. So I would say give them a plus one and leave the choice to them.

I suppose the most neutral answer to your question is that not all weddings are like yours. Not all wedding parties are friends and not everyone schedules things the way you did - I’ve never heard of sitting the wedding party so completely separely or having to take the entire wedding party away for more pictures at the end of the night. I’ll have my nails done before people get into town so I can visit with them when they get here. I doubt hair/make-up will take 5 hours. At my FH’s sister’s weddiing we were together for literally the entire time except the 30ish minutes they spent taking pictures, and I hung out with her bridesmaids’ husbands during that time.

Why don't you let them make that call? If they'd be more comfortable with a date, and they're being good enough friends to help you a whole 24 hours before the wedding even starts, you should be a good enough friend in return to not restrict them if they want a date.

I’ve always thought having a head table and seperating the bridal party from their dates was wrong ... but to have them not even eating in the same space ?? That doesn’t seem right

Real quick updates:

- Thank you to everyone who actually did respond with a real answer and not just a wave of harsh judgement.

- Because of actual genuine answers, i am updating my timeline so that BP can go eat with their spouses. That one segment was a mistake/ oversight on my part, I was trying to work things out logistically with the timeline and meeting basic needs (aka eating) and didn't think they'd mind because food and the antiquated tradition of the head table thing and also because several of them have access to the schedule and no one has said anything to me about it, it just wasn't something that had genuinely occurred to me with the stress that is trying to make a timeline

- It is insane to me how quickly people judged the type of person or friend I am because I expect my bridesmaids to get ready with me or because I don't want some rando two week fling guy at my wedding. There is not now and never will there ever be a reason for anyone to be so rude to someone trying to ask a question on this forum. You do not and you can not know someone's life situation, their friendships, their venue, their budget, etc. None of you need to be attacking anyone over things pertaining to those things. You. Do. Not. Need. To. Be. Mean.

- I am very lucky with the friends that I have that are actually excited to spend this time with me and would never in a million years make me feel like MY ONE day is somehow a burden on them. I am so grateful that they can share in my joy genuinely and don't see it as a "job" to be there in the most important moments for one of their best friends. I can only hope that you all are lucky enough for some people like that to come into your lives.

It's not an etiquette in my book. My 2 bridesmaids don't have boyfriends, they are friends with many people at my wedding sooo if they don't have a boyfriend before the wedding they will be a singular guest. I too agree with your speculation. They will be busy. Do whatever you feel is right for YOUR situation, devoid of people's opinions on "etiquette".

I just think to be polite, since they put a lot of work in & usually fly in early. Then they have someone to take to the rehearsal dinner & sit with at the reception & hangout with. I've been a bridesmaid twice & never been busy the entire 24 hours leading up to the wedding. Mine won't be either. They will have the rehearsal the morning before & rehearsal dinner the evening before, but plus ones & kids are invited to both of those. Then they will be busy the morning prior for getting ready, but after the ceremony are free.

I have been in a few weddings as a bridesmaid, and got a plus one in all of them. Never was I busy for 24 hours beforehand (tbh this sounds like maybe you are requesting a lot of your WP that isn't the norm...).

I have offered for my bridesmaids to spend the night with me at my parents house before the wedding, just for ease of getting to the venue, but one is married plus it is her birthday the day before my wedding so she has already declined and I respect that.

Also worth mentioning, at one wedding FH was not allowed to sit with me during the dinner and some time after, which included speeches, toast, prayer, first dance, parent dances, and this is why I will be having plus ones of the wedding party seated with them.

Your wedding party is supposed to be made up of your nearest & dearest. You should treat them well on your wedding day. I want my WP to have an amazing day, too.

I think the bridal party should get plus ones. They get to have some fun too, right? In our wedding, we are not having a traditional "head table" where the bridal party is separate from the rest of the guests. They will have their own "guest" table at the reception, which will have room for their SOs to sit with them at dinner.