Black Tie

View Quoted Comment What qualifies as a true black tie event? My wedding is coming up and I’m leaning more towards black tie than formal as far as dress codes

View Quoted Comment All of your early posts were related to what you want for class thes. And, family graduating from Villanova then getting married the next week brought us to the Radnor to stay 3-4 yrs ago, May, and I did not think they did black tie only events. Formal with those who wished in tuxes, borderline as to time since evening slots started at 5, and they did not offer a lot. Times change. Going back and reading the whole thread,
I think a lot of people have been stuck as we have, and everyone we know. Brides saying black toe because they want props for their wedding, people in black tie. But then they do not plan a black tie wedding. First you get a colored paper not formal invitation. They start too early, you walk in gown etc from the overflow parking lot, no valet, coats over chairs or in piles, no coat check, expected to serve your own food and carry it from a buffet, getting spills or fat drips on your clothes, Paper napkins in their colors, Sometmes durable not metal silverware, or chargers,, river rock in mason jars and vases ( fine for more casual service) or other rustic centerpiece, where there should be cut crystal vases and candelabra. Appetizers passed were half a main course serving. Single plate, not multiple courses, all canned music. And a lot of rather angry guests. ... Meanwhile, if a wedding is formal, not designated black tie, no one in a suit and cocktail dress need ever be embarrassed, as either is appropriate and either looks nice, semi formal to formal mix. Black tie also means less bare, club type gowns, elegance ok but not a slit or sequins for black tie which is more restrained. Only to find the whole wedding party is in nightclub or entertainent world event clothing, gowns not suitable for black tie. And tuxes of GM and groom which started as black tie suitable, and now have ladies dress colors as hankies, vest or cummerbund colors. So the bridal party is not even black tie. 🙂 We are all happy to hear that you are planning a real black tie event. Because it really os irritating when someone is pretentious and wanting a certain look, but not providing the promised party.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I guess I’ve just felt a little attacked by some of the people on here that have been saying It’s not actually black tie and that It’s not a nice enough place to make it black tie. Let me assure everyone that my family and I have thrown black tie events before and know how it is done. I was simply asking because of my fiancé’s family, but we talked about it and agreed on black tie, a nice suit with a black tie is also considered black tie. I came here for support and suggestions not that I’m doing something wrong. In the end it is my wedding and I guess I should do what I want. So thank you to everyone who has supported me and given me advice. 🥰

View Quoted Comment Multi-course meal, starts after 7 (maybe 6? I forget.), tableside white glove service, live band and not DJ, top shelf open bar, usually a grand ballroom/indoor venue, and valet parking (obviously provided by the host) are just some of the examples.


Black tie is a level of hosting not just a dress code. Our wedding was a little over $100k (in a HCOL area), but since dinner started at 5 and we had it outdoors, we couldn’t call it black tie. We also had a DJ, but had a live electric violinist that played all night with the DJ. However, I guess technically I should have had a live band instead of a DJ if it was going to be black tie.

I would read some of the earlier comments in the thread as they go in depth about what qualifies as a true black tie event. OP is planning a true black tie event and it sounds amazing!

View Quoted Comment I’ll say it again, your wedding sounds super fun and a luxurious night out for your guests— I can’t wait to see pics! 😊

It sounds like you've already figured out what you're going to do, just wanted to put a few thoughts out there.


You mentioned that his family can afford it, but that most of them would have to rent suits if you said black tie optional. It seems like if his family was that well off, they would already have suits?
Is your family more well off than his? Would they feel slighted, like you didn't really want them there?
If you're okay with people not going, then go for it 🙂 just read the room as far as your guests go.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much Karla that is so kind of you to say! 🥰

View Quoted Comment My cousin had a black tie reception. I had to rent a gown and fly to the destination wedding, then pay to get my hair done. The ceremony was in the afternoon, with a several hour gap before the reception, then we arrived at the reception venue which was a beautiful historic mansion and had a lovely cocktail hour. Then when we moved upstairs for the reception we realized it was a cocktail reception with seating for maybe 1/4 of the guests at a time. Trying to hold a plate and wineglass while standing in a full length gown was not anyone’s favorite. Also the bar ran out of beer, wine, and water. 😂 your story reminds me very much of that

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I read the thread and didn't see anywhere where you addressed that.

View Quoted Comment 😱😱😱 that sounds like a bad horror story! I can’t believe someone would have guests go through all of that and not put the effort it to actually make the affair black tie!

Okay Vicky

View Quoted Comment Oooof! Did they at least provide plenty of appetizers/food during the cocktail reception?? And how do you run out of water?!


I take it back— the wedding I attended had a signature drink along with the beer and wine. However, I saw the bartender using his bare hands to put ice in the cups and he had a dirty bandaid on one of his fingers!! So I opted to just drink red wine and bottled beers that night. Hahah

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I came back to this thread to apologize for being so aggressive; I'm sure your wedding will be lovely and that you will take care of your guests properly. Mazel tov!

View Quoted Comment They didn’t have an actual “bar” in the venue as it was a historic site, so the bartenders had pitchers of water that ran out. And there was definitely not enough food haha I do feel somewhat bad as she spent so much money on a wedding that looked absolutely gorgeous, but everyone only remembers it for the discomfort.


And good call on your part. Haha Also side note that my comment is at all directed towards the wedding that OP is planning, that sounds lovely and if you will be allowing a black tie and suit, I think that’s very reasonable.

Wow.. that sounds like an interesting evening! And thank you 😊

View Quoted Comment Does that price per person include everything? Just wondering because mine was well over $250 per person and we didn’t have anything like black tie. Maybe just California prices.

View Quoted Comment Low end, minimum food and drink, not basic venue or food and drink,

View Quoted Comment Try again, dog decided to say good morning and posted with a paw. Northern NE, lower than Boston or NYC, 250 per person is pretty much minimum food and drink for black tie, not venue or alcohol or any fees. Few big hotels, more resorts and large inns
I sometimes cook for catering, for a couple of places where food, drink, alcohol, and all fees as a package, run $450 p p and up. Rural areas, although anyone rich enough can do what they want, like most things we run lower than big east coast cities, and Seattle, but I have never lived in or priced So Cal.

View Quoted Comment Makes sense. I never know what that price per person is supposed to include. Lol! Not that it matters now. Wedding has long come and gone.

That 450 min, with usual 8.5-10.5 %meal taxes, is a thousand a couple, and except for a charity benefit, or work related, like someone who has occasion to go to State and Embassy Parties, lots of people rarely if ever go to one. And in cities where real estate is pricey, older cities start at double what around here would. This poster knows what old Philadelphia main line luxury costs. Often on WW, those debating about asking for black tie (vs formal) are elsewhere talking 15K-30K budgets and 150 -200 people and except a good deal, like getting catering and liquor free, it is a clue they are talking only the clothes, not the service.