Black tie vs semi formal vs formal?

Black tie, is basically just that. Men in Tuxedos and women typically in long gowns. Semi formal is men in suits and women in cocktail dresses.

The etiquette on putting dress code information on your invitation or elsewhere is that it should only be there if you are having a truly black or white tie affair or if there is something else they need to know (for instance, I have seen people with beach weddings tell their guests on the website that flip flops are appropriate). Telling your guests that the attire is semi-formal should be unnecessary- it's a wedding so hopefully no one should be showing up in jeans and a t-shirt.

Black tie means tuxedoes and gowns or formal black cocktail dresses. These tend to be Saturday evening affairs with top shelf open bar, plated dinner with multiple courses and a live band.

Semi-formal is cocktail attire, I don't think there is much of a difference. And to be honest, I am not sure where formal fits in there. I guess somewhere between black tie and semi formal?

As with any question on WW, every bride and groom is free to do what they want, regardless of the feedback they receive. There will be no arrests if you don't follow established rules of etiquette. However, if you are truly asking about black tie affairs because you are having one, there are certain rules of etiquette that should be followed. Prepare yourself -- it all sounds elitist, but it is what it is.

If you are hosting an authentic black tie event, you should include that information on your invitation. If you're going to add "Black Tie" to your invitation, it sends a message that you expect male guests to wear tuxes and female guests to arrive in formal evening wear (don't say, "Black Tie Only" or "Black Tie Required", simply add "Black Tie"). For those guests not familiar with the legitimate black tie atmosphere, they will assume that you want your guests to dress nicely. Some men may show up in business suits and ties as opposed to tuxes, and some women may not have shawls to top their gowns. Women may wear sequined, short cocktail dresses as opposed to evening gowns, and they may believe they are fulfilling the black tie requirement. If they do, a polite host wouldn't hold limited knowledge or incorrect interpretation against a guest.

Convention holds that a couple does not add "Black Tie" to their invitation simply because they want their guests to show up in formal attire. Hosts would only add "Black Tie" if they have gone to considerable effort and great expense to host a truly black tie event. To begin with, your invitation will be white or ivory, and they will feature black script. They are high quality invitations, and they are not adorned with flowers, mountains, poetry, photos, or any of the other beautiful graphics and colors available. They will not be DIYs off the home printer, and they will be delivered via post, not hand delivered. Technically, your wedding should begin no earlier than 6:00 PM. The reception should be the best of the best (valet parking, coat check, top shelf open bar all night, passed gourmet appetizers with significant variety, champagne served in stemmed glasses from a tray, live entertainment without interruption, genuine crystal stemware at the table, real silverware, china plates,white gloved table side service, plated dinner service, a good selection of gourmet dish entrees -- not pre-ordered on RSVP cards -- with multiple courses, an expert on wine/food combinations to assist guests in selecting which dinner wine to compliment their entrees and/or desserts, etc., etc., etc.). These affairs don't normally feature games, photobooths, candy bars, or oversized glasses and fake moustaches. They are very refined and very elegant. In other words -- no expense spared. True black tie events are rare. White tie events (as formal as it gets) are even more rare for those of us in the middle class.

According to "The Black Tie Guide", hosts can add "Black Tie Preferred" or "Black Tie Requested" to their invitations. I probably wouldn't unless I wasn't hosting something very close to the black tie event, but it is allowable. This will send the message to the guest(s) that you are asking them to dress in formal clothing, but if they do not own or cannot rent a tux, a dark suit and tie are acceptable for men, and a cocktail dress is acceptable for women. Remember, if you're going to ask your guests to attend your wedding in formal attire, the wedding has to match the request. Having a barn, lodge, or backyard reception is not a black tie event. Having a Sunday brunch reception is not a black tie event. Having an evening reception in an elegant venue is the place to start, but even then, if you're having a limited bar, a soft bar, a cash bar, or a buffet -- technically, it is not black tie.

Many frown on adding attire requirements to the invitations. The only time it is necessary is if you are truly hosting an expensive, black tie event. Otherwise, post pictures of your venue on your website. That goes a long way in getting the attire point across. Elegant venues, like elegant restaurants, are the places in which jeans and T-shirts do not belong. You can mention on your website (or through word of mouth) that guests are expected to wear cocktail attire, but unless it's truly black tie, I would leave it off of the invitation.

I'd like to add that I am in no way looking down on weddings that do not pass the black tie standard. Every bride, in my opinion, is entitled to hope that her guests will honor her by wearing something other than the jeans they would wear to have lunch with their girlfriends. A wedding is expensive. A wedding is a celebration. Black tie or not, I believe every guest should honor the couple but putting in a little effort with their attire. It's a simple matter of respect.

I'd like to add that a lot of people frown on putting "cocktail attire" because really it should be implied by most, but my DH's family is not the smartest bunch so we decided to add it so that people would not show up in jeans. I know some of his family would have too.

I attended a white tie only wedding once. I was honestly shocked with how many people did not understand what that meant or what they were supposed to wear. Some of the ladies wore the trashiest "cocktail dresses" they could find for $20 at Rue 21. I am not bashing a $20 deal or Rue 21, but unless you are a 16 year old attending a high school dance, anything you buy from there is not appropriate or long enough to fly at a white tie wedding. There were men who showed up in jeans and sweaters - like your dad would wear to Thanksgiving. Overall, I think only about 1/4 of the men were in tuxedos (mostly the grooms family) and maybe 1/2 were in suits. The remaining 1/4 of the men were in what I would call "business casual" to down right inappropriate for a wedding. The women were worse - maybe 1/4 of us were in floor length gowns with shawls/shoulder covers of some kind, and almost all the others were in super short or too tight dresses. I have also been to black tie cocktail weddings on Saturday evenings and people still dressed inappropriately.

"Black Tie optional" is usually what is asked instead of Black Tie. Black Tie means tuxedo and evening gowns, but since nowadays most men don't own a tux, you can do "black tie optional" which means men will be in the nicest suit they own or a tux and women will be in formal evening gowns or very nice/formal cocktail dresses. Black tie/black tie optional is the only dress code that should be included on an invitation.

If you're requesting black tie or black tie optional, you need to be hosting a true black tie event - ritzy venue, expensive, 5-star all the way.

If that's not your wedding, then semi-formal is more appropriate. Men in suits & ties, women in cocktail dresses.

The wedding website is a perfect place to put dress code information! I like the suggestion of putting pictures of your venue as well so that people can get an idea of the place.

Also, the time of day will dictate the formality.

Http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/etiquette-regarding-attire/91fe97ca573ca6bd.html Maybe this link will help a bit?

Centerpiece, that was brilliant.

Thanks everyone! Your answers are very thorough and informative, I really appreciate it! Definitely not doing a black tie event then, haha. I guess I'll just hope that everyone will show up semi formal. There always seems to be someone that wears shorts or something inappropriate at the weddings I've attended. Some people..

Centerpiece- That was a great response! Really informative and not condescending at all. I wonder what your opinion of "black tie optional" dress code is. I've seen people on WW say it's not a real thing, inappropriate etc., but it does exist.