Black Tie Preferred vs. Optional

Yes you can or maybe it is worded formal attire. For my friend's wedding a couple of years ago she stated that she wanted formal attire (maybe she said black tie attire).

I would say formal attire. Black tie isn't really optional, you're either having a black tie event (valet parking, band, multi-course plated meal, top shelf bar, etc.) or you're not.

Is it more formal to put black tie preferred or formal attire?

View Quoted Comment

Do you need all your male guests also renting tuxes? Black tie indicates that men must wear tuxedos and women must wear floor length gowns. As Caytlyn said above, black tie denotes a certain level of hosting including a live band, valet parking, top shelf liquor, and multi-course meal (think Oscar's or charity galas). Formal attire is men in nice, dark suits and women in cocktail or floor length gowns. The event you're describing sounds more like a formal event rather than a black tie event. Also, you traditionally do not put attire on the invitations. Black tie can be placed because it is informing the guest of the level of hosting rather than instructing them on how to dress. You may put your preferred dress code on your wedding website. The formality of the event is typically signaled to the guest by the location and date/time of the event (upscale country club on a Saturday night would indicate more formal), as well as the invitations (sophisticated, embossed detailing and the like). I had a Saturday evening wedding at a country club and did not mention attire anywhere, and everyone came in appropriate attire (men in dark suits and women in cocktail length or floor length gowns), as the details of the wedding signaled it to them.

The first rule to a black tie event is ensuring the event is worthy of the attire. Black-tie events require a very upscale venue with very opulent decor (think ballrooms and grand estates).
Here are examples of black tie Weddings:






They also require a plated meal with upscale food. Bar should be top shelf and free to guests all evening. Traditionally, a string quartet plays for the ceremony, a live band for the reception, and then a DJ if the couple is hosting an after party. There are typically upscale favors for the guests, which are oftentimes experiences rather than physical gifts (such as cigar rolling).

Yes totally! I think it's so classy! Just make sure it is very clearly communicated and people have time to get their outfits together!

Like others have mentioned, a black tie event is more than just attire/dress code... it’s a level of hosting. In reality, there isn’t really a “black tie optional” event— it’s either worthy of being called black tie or it’s not.


Just to give you some perspective on this, my husband and I threw a low six-figure wedding with multi-course plated meal (we served an option of filet Mignon, Chilean sea bass, stuffed chicken or gnocchi), we provided transportation for our guests, had a live electric violinist (who travels worldwide and plays at events for large Fortune 500 companies), open bar with top shelf liquor... we did a lot of the bells and whistles. HOWEVER, our wedding started at 3:30pm, was at an outdoor venue (San Diego Safari Park) and we had a DJ. Those things alone automatically knocked us out of being a black-tie event.
I’ve attended weddings that said “Black Tie Attire” on invites but weren’t. I’ve also attended a handful of black tie weddings and events... it really is on a different level. I’m talking white glove service, Dom for champagne, multi-course meals with filet mignon AND lobster. I’d honestly be pretty annoyed if I saw “Black Tie” on an invite and the level of hosting is not there. A lot of the times, you have to remember people will buy/rent outfits for events like weddings. It’d be pretty obnoxious to have to buy an expensive ball gown for what you think is going to be a fancy event and it turns out they’re serving you a buffet dinner.
Just my thoughts on this.

Every “black tie optional/suggested/preferred/welcomed” event I have been to has been full Black Tie level service where they just wanted to make sure no one felt required to buy or rent formalwear if they didn’t already have it. So, I wouldn’t ask for it unless I was certain the service level matched.

You most definitely can. There's Black Tie, Black Tie Optional and Creative Black Tie. Our wedding is Creative Black Tie where it's still upscale but the men have wiggle room for a bit of color.

We debated for a long time about what to say on our website for attire. Our wedding was held on a Saturday evening in a fancy ballroom. We had a full open bar with top shelf liquor, 3 course plated meal (guests pre-selected their entree choices when RSVP-ing), complimentary valet parking, live instrumental music for the ceremony, 9-piece live band for the reception, and many other bells and whistles. We probably could have called our wedding black tie optional, but we ultimately decided to list the attire as "formal" on our wedding website. We have a lot of friends in different financial situations, and we didn't want anyone to feel pressured into having to rent a tux or gown. Furthermore, we had guests RSVP on our wedding website, which is something that is not usually done for black tie weddings (we did this purely because it was easier to keep track of the multiple events, since we had both a large rehearsal dinner and a farewell brunch the following morning). So in our case, we felt that listing our attire as "formal" was the right thing to do. I do agree with the PPs that I wouldn't include the phrase "black tie" in any capacity, unless you are having a wedding fancy enough to justify the cost of all guests having to rent/obtain a tux or gown.