Black tie optional or semi-formal?

I understand wanting people to dress up but the dress code has to match the formality of your wedding.
Black tie option sounds too formal for your wedding. People will definitely think they have to wear gowns and tuxes.I definitely understand your concern about the cash bar. I would assume a black tie optional event would have a full bar.I think it is more appropriate/ less deceptive to guests to not say black tie optional.
Many people know to dress up for a wedding and when they see that it is being held at a country club they should understand how to dress.

Black tie also denotes a level of service. Valet parking, white glove service, passed apps, late wedding/reception, plated dinner, live band, etc. not just tux’s/evening gowns. Black tie optional says “dress up but we’re not paying for black tie service”.

Also full open bar with top shelf for sure. Your wedding does not match that.

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To clarify, it will definitely not be black tie. The most formal I would go is black tie optional. I am trying to decide between black tie optional or semi-formal.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’m saying. If you say black tie optional, that’s almost an insult to your guests, asking them to dress up but not providing service accordingly. Your wedding sounds semi-formal at most.

I think you are skipping the level that is most appropriate for you. You go straight from black tie optional to semi-formal. The level between which you skip right over is formal attire. That will be exactly what you are looking for. Guys will most likely wear a jacket, and if not at least a nice pair of slacks, button down and tie. Girls will wear a cocktail dress or long dress depending on the season. I would put “formal attire requested” on the invite.

View Quoted Comment Your wedding isn’t formal enough for black tie optional. Cash bar alone excludes it from being so. Don’t ask guests to spend a larger amount of money on clothes then also ask them to purchase their own drinks. Either find the budget to bring up the formality of your wedding or accept guests will dress to the current formality

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Is formal not black tie optional? Most of everything I have read has said that formal / black tie optional are the same thing. Will people interpret them differently?

View Quoted Comment I am personally not an expert but I view formal and black tie optional as slightly different levels. But I guess what I am saying is definitely do not use the wording black tie anywhere for your wedding. Like the others said it is not a black tie level wedding. Seeing black tie infers a level of luxury and there are expectations that go along with that. I would be furious if I had to go to a black tie wedding and pay for my drinks. Like others said people know how to dress for weddings based on the venue. But if you’re not comfortable putting semi-formal you can put formal and it won’t be as offensive as seeing black tie optional. Without knowing all the details of your wedding I can’t give a solid opinion. I just would definitely say don’t use the term black tie optional.

I am not a fan of telling guests how to dress... although I understand your sentiment. What I am doing is trying my darnedest to set the appropriate tone for our wedding with things like the STDs and Invitations. The wording, design, and style of the invitations, along with your venue will help your guests determine the level of formality of the event. That said, I know a lot of people put "black tie," or "black tie optional," or other dress code info on their invites.

However, if you put anything that even resembles telling your guests to dress up you need to be prepared to host a formal event that matches what you're asking. You CANNOT in good taste, dictate formal attire, and then have a cash bar. There is a good chance that if you request formal attire a decent # of your guests will go out and buy a dress, rent a suit, or spend some sum of money on what they will wear. So they are going to go spend money to wear clothes they wouldn't have otherwise purchased to accommodate you but you want them to pay for drinks? Not cool...

Have the wedding of your dreams, but have the wedding you can afford. Don't make cuts at your guests expense, make them at yours. Either push the date and save longer, trim the guest list, do more DIY, find a less expensive gown, etc... but don't dictate formal attire and host on the cheap.

My daughter put semi-formal on her invites. That usually means cocktail attire. Dress pants for the guys n party dresses for the ladies, church type dresses are appropriate too. She went with that too disuay raggedy jeans n flip flops.

You DEFINITELY can’t do black tie optional and a cash bar. Black tie optional is a formal event where guests are hosted very well, with a multi course meal and open bar. As a guest, I also assume that means I need to rent a gown. I think your interpretation of black tie optional may be off?

i would do cocktail attire. I would never wear a sundress to a cocktail attire evening wedding, I’d be surprised if many do.

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Thanks Kat, you're the only one who has really answered my question. I've never been to a black tie optional wedding and I was not sure what that would really constitute in addition to the dress code. I was just trying to figure out if black tie optional would be something that could work at my wedding or not.

If I read that it was formal or black tie optional, I would be pretty irritated by a cash bar, and I’m not even someone who really cares about that one way or another usually. Formal weddings require certain things, even if they aren’t black tie. In my opinion, if you expect people to be that dressed up, they likely have to buy new attire and you don’t even want to provide their beverages? Nope.

Black tie optional means some might opt for black tie and come in tuxes and gowns expecting a much higher level of hosting. Set the tone of your event with your STD’s, invitations, website, and word of mouth. My next daughter’s reception is also at a Country Club. Her invitations are traditional, formal, and elegant and included a wax seal on the pocket folder. There’s no question of the formality of her event. But her hosting will match that formality as well with a full open bar and a multi-course plated meal, dessert, and late night snacks. Keep in mind that the more you expect of your guests, the more you need to host them appropriately.

Semi-formal means suits (preferably dark) for men and cocktail dresses or similar for women. That's basically how I would dress for an evening wedding at a country club anyway and many people already own something appropriate. So, in a perfect world, your guests would be able to gauge the formality of the event from the venue, invitations, time, etc. And you would feel fine avoiding putting it on your invitations, which some say you shouldn't anyway. If you're planning to have a wedding website, you can put a note about attire on there (with explanation even) if you choose not to put it on the invitation. If you don't or expect men to wear tuxes, you should avoid saying "formal attire" or "black tie optional" as neither of those would fit what you want.

I think if I saw that a wedding was at a country club, I’d assume formal attire! I think that adding the term black tie just makes the event sound much more than it really is. I’d go with cocktail attire and based on that and the fact that it’s at a country club, hope that you won’t see much of the sundresses that you don’t want. With that said, don’t be too upset if you see a few!

View Quoted Comment “Cocktail attire” as Kat stated sounds more like what you’re looking for! I would definitely assume that means a nice cocktail/evening dress but no sundresses and a nice suit or at least a jacket and tie. Good luck!

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Black tie optional only means that the men have the "option" of wearing "black tie", i.e. a tux. The event is just as formal as a black tie event. A black tie event must have valet parking, live bands, multi-course plated dinner, full top shelf open bar, etc. The option refers to the men's attire either being a tux or a dark suit, not on the level of hosting. You are not having a black tie event if you require guests to pay for anything. Women's attire would not change. They would still be expected to wear evening gowns.

You cannot refuse to properly host a reception and expect your guests to properly dress for a formal night out.