Black Tie Attire

I always think of Julia Roberts in pretty woman going to the Opera!

I'm going to a black tie optional wedding and got this dress for like $30 at Ross. Was it probably a prom dress? Yep. Do I care? Nope!

Try rent the runway! You can get a gown without having to actually buy one.

I second the Rent the Runway comment. It's affordable and you don't have to pay for the gown! Have fun with it!

I definitely back rent the runway. In terms of where to start, I would pick a color and shape that you feel comfortable in (empire waist? strapless? long sleeves? ruching?) and go from there. At this point, your only requirement is that it's floor length so narrow it down to a garment that you would actually want to wear.

If it's a true black tie wedding, it's going to have a dress code of classic, evening formal wear. Men should be in tuxes or a black dinner jacket (not a sports coat or business suit jacket) with matching pants (with a single silk or satin stripe on the outer seam, uncuffed), a white shirt (French cuffs with cuff links), black vest, a black, silk bow tie, suspenders, and patent leather shoes. Women should be in evening gowns or a very dressy cocktail dresses. Just a head's up -- there are plenty of people who add "black tie" to their wedding invitations in error. While the couple may think their wedding is ultra formal, that doesn't mean it's actually black tie. If you're attending a black tie wedding, here are a few of the things you'll see:

Classic white or ecru invitations engraved in black script

A 6:00 PM or later start time

Valet parking

Coat check

No recorded music at the ceremony (usually a string quartet)

Full, top shelf, open bar during cocktail hour

A luxurious selection of passed apps during cocktail hour

Full, top shelf, open bar during the reception

Seating Cards

Lavish decor featuring top of the line florals, linens, fine china, and crystal goblets

Mulit-course, gourmet, plated meals with table side ordering and white gloved service

An expert on wine/food combinations to assist guests with dinner wine choices

Non-stop, live entertainment (a fill in band should be provided when the first band takes a break)

Those are a few of the things you'll experience. It will probably be the nicest wedding you've ever been to. You, as a guest, will have your needs anticipated. However, if you find out there is a buffet, the wedding starts at 3:00 PM, or the bar is in any way limited to anything below top shelf, open, don't spend the money on the tux or a fancy gown. A business suit and tie is fine for him, and I'm sure you know how to dress for a wedding. There is no reason for guests to shell out over $100 to rent a tux unless they are going to really get the genuine black tie treatment.

It makes me crazy that people throw around "Black tie" without realizing that THEY have a responsibility to provide a suitable experience (and is it more fun? no; I"m with you on the keds....)

Many of the details Centerpiece mentioned are present at most of the upscale weddings in our area (well, not the string quartet.....) but few invites I've seen have included 'black tie' and even fewer weddings have guests dressed in de rigeur black tie garb.

I agree that 'rent the runway' as a great idea. And unfortunately, he needs to rent a tux, unless he's going to wear one at your wedding; it might be less expensive to just buy one.

But I also agree with centerpiece; when you find out more of the details, you may tailor your own plans. Too many people slap that label on their reception with no clue about the expense of complying with it.

I"m so bad at getting dressed that I might actually pass...... if I'm not in sweats, I"m in my 'work uniform (every single wedding photo of me is the same......) When I get too far from that, I'm lost...

CP: Everything that you listed is why I'm pretty excited to experience this wedding. Most weddings in my circle are budget weddings (by NJ standards), so this will definitely be new to me. I'm not sure if it's TRUE Black TIe. I will have to report back after the wedding. The wedding starts at 4:00 PM. FH doesn't want to rent a tux and according to him, the groom told him that's okay? So I'm thinking it's not an extremely strict black tie.

I figured I should get a full length gown because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I think a black suit vs. a black tux is a lot less noticeable than being the only one wearing a cocktail dress.

I'm nervous to rent the runway, because a lot of those gowns are still pretty expensive and I don't even get to keep it.

Sorry Celia, I just saw yours too! I agree. I don't think this is true black tie. I feel like some people just put it on so guests will dress up. But if it is true black tie, I'm excited to be spoiled for the night.

@M, where are you? I know you attend black tie events. What do you wear?

From my research, everything centerpiece said is correct for attire. For women, you should wear a floor length gown that is not too bright (jewel tones, muted red, or black) You can also wear a tea length dress but it should be black. Panty hose/tights are a must.

Another vote for Rent The Runway! I couldn't find a full-length picture of myself in this dress, but this is what I wore to my last Black Tie wedding. Definitely wear a floor length dress. There may be others who don't, but you don't want to jump the wrong way and feel awkward at the wedding. FH will need to rent a tux!

Check out Rent the Runway! They have beautiful dresses for all occasions, and I think you could even type in Black Tie Attire, and they'll give you a list of dresses. They're also really great! They send you multiple sizes (just in case) and they're quick and reliable!

Thank you ladies!! I might have to take the plunge with rent the runway. I'm just so nervous to drop $100 and then not be able to use it because it doesn't fit right

JJ, email me and let me know where it is.

@JerseyJen I second/third/whatever number it's up to Rent the Runway. I've used the and it was great, but if it doesn't fit right I've heard they'll work with you to get a dress that does! And you get two sizes to begin with.

Burlington coat Factory has some great deals for black tie dresses!!!

I got my dress on sale there for $20 bucks & FH got his suit there for $100 I think its Marc Echo if I remember right. They have amazing deals if you look good

JerseyJen if it doesn't fit and you don't wear it, you can send it back for a refund! I think it's exchagne credit, but no worries if it doesn't fit. Often you can rent a second size for free. So if i'm between a 6 and an 8, i rent both for the same price.

Haha, I'm here.

I will say that men's wear is slightly more lax for black tie - while yes, traditionally he'd need a full tux with the satin stripe down the pant, etc., even SIL for her uptight wedding said if the guys had a dark blue or black suit, that was just fine. If the groom said that, he can probably get away with a really nice suit.

This is what DH and I were put in for the black tie wedding, and most of our friends did Rent the Runway for their gowns. This is what others wore to the event (despite people generally knowing in this social circle what black tie means, still not everyone was technically appropriate, but I think these people are!)

Also, this is totally random, but people think it's just A-OK to wear an old bridesmaids dress to these things. Of course you can, and of course no one will really care, but everyone can tell you're in an old bridesmaids dress. For these events, especially extra-high end, I think it's worth renting the dress!

I probably would've rented something like this:

https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/badgley_mischka/glisten_up_gown

@e, I didn't know they did that! That's reassuring. I'm going to look into it.

Haha! Thank you, m!! I can't click on the link because rent the runway is blocked? So weird. My sister told me to wear an old bridesmaid dress of hers, but I declined. It DEFINITELY looks like a bridesmaid dress. I'm going to look at rent the runway when I get home and try to go to some brick and mortar stores and try some gowns on. I will obviously post pictures when I decide!