Bio-dad threatens not to come to wedding if stepdad helps walk me down aisle

@Jessica...I get from where you are coming.

My bio dad had a major meltdown and threatened not to come if my stepfather joined us halfway. It is easy to say "Oh just do what you want!" when you aren't in the situation. My father not coming could mean his entire family not coming. Even my grandmother told my mother I was wrong for asking.

My stepfather had a huge impact on my life and I want to honor him. My stepfather has been in my life for over 20 years and was always there for me. Even now he keeps say "Whatever you want me to do I will do"

I love my father and I want him there. But it seriously hurts because he keeps saying he won't come if my stepdad walks with us. Even FH is pissed because I keep coming home crying.

Why not have them both walk you? One on each arm. They may not like each other but they are adults they can get over it

Thanks for all of the suggestions. I know that it's very early to bring the topic up since my wedding is a year away, but my fiancé and I are going on a family vacation with my bio dad and step monster in September so I didn't want this topic to be brought up during that time. I am not having a reception (just a dinner) so having one walk me down the aisle and the other dance with me is not an option. My bio dad brought up that he's the one paying for the wedding (unfortunately my step dad is unable to financially contribute). That doesn't matter to me though. I would gladly give him his money back if he would do as I said regarding giving me away. I even told him I would let him choose if he walked me first or second. He just doesn't want my step dad to be apart of it AT ALL and that's not fair to me when he was a crucial part in my upbringing.

I was suppose to have my dad and grandfather (mams dad) who raised me both walk me down the isle. There was no problem with this idea. Unfortunately grandad passed away last year so nanny and my dad will walk me down one on each side. Your Dad sounds like he is being stupid and pig headed about it. Why do you keep calling your step mother a step monster - it's a bit immature

It's horrible how other people's grudges can make them blind to what you want. Had a similar issue with my bio dad not walking me at all, nor my stepdad, cause I always wanted my brother to do it. Stepdad was cool, biodad is still mad and puts blame on my mom and stepdad. Just do what you want and let him know it's important to you. If you bend to what he wants you may regret it later on. It's hard, and I hope after getting over his initial feelings he will see what it means for you.

My 'stepmother' is trying to be in control of everything and making this a living hell for me. She wears the pants in her and my dads marriage. That's why I am referring to her as a step monster. I am already having a hard enough time with this topic (I'm mentally drained) and you telling me I'm immature is not really relevant to this thread. Thanks for your input, but please keep the negative comments to yourself. I thought we were here for support from other brides.

Nope, that's not how this works. You won't just get positive comments all round. Your talking about your Dad having issue with your step dad - your relationship with all four people here is relevant and I do think it's hypocritical for you to expect your Dad to show respect towards your Step Dad when you are not not showing it towards his partner.

I've been cordial with her. And I certainly wouldn't disrespect her to her face or talk bad about her to my bio dad. Bio dad and sm need to suck up their pride and deal with what I want for my wedding day.

@Jessica please ignore the negativity. Because I know where you are coming from I get it. I refer to my stepmother as Senorita Psychopath on occasion.

Unfortunately our bio dads wont get over it and we cannot force them. So we are stuck. I thought about just asking my brother to do it but that would piss my dad off too. My stepdad is being an adult. My bio dad is being a toddler, which is his usual state of being. And no I cannot just write him off...he is my father.

Stand your ground. You obviously love both your dads and want to include them both. Maybe have bio-dad walk you down the aisle and father-daughter dance with step dad? That's a tough situation.

My daughter had same issue she told both dad's. Bio dad freaked out got mad my hubby step dad..says I can sit out its OK. She said no its not ok..let him cool a bit. Write a letter explaining how you feel and why. Tell him it's not that you love him less but your blessed to be loved by both. Let him know your hurt and he can take a moment to be hurt but it's your happy day and your to old to listen to drama you understand he is hurt but your day should be your way. Be as nice as you can.. good luck..

If your bio dad is using money to leverage and you don't need it, I would offer to give it back. He needs to know this is important to you.

@MsDani same. Exact. Scenario. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this as well. It's truly heartbreaking. I didn't think that bio dad and sm would take it well, but I didn't think it would've escalated this far.

@Jessica - same thing - my dad totally refused to allow my step dad to join us down the aisle - and there were no grudges, I just don't understand. But, my dad is my dad - so I think I have to find another way to honor my stepfather. I don't know what to do yet.

You need to do what makes you happy. Don't be bullied by bio dad into not doing what you want. His personal issues have nothing to do with your wedding and if he is too immature to put his differences aside to make this day special then maybe he should sit it out.

@hecatehoney it has to be because of their ego and pride. But what they don't understand is that it is our special day to remember for the rest of our lives and we want it to go as flawlessly as possible. It literally takes 7 seconds for each father to walk me halfway down the aisle; it's not like I'm asking them to go and hang out, have conversations, etc with each other. They just need to get over it and abide by our wishes. This is a once in a lifetime moment.

You don't have to speak about how much you dislike a person to show disrespect. I'm fairly sure both your father and stepmother can tell your disdain. It's obvious.

Pay for the wedding yourself, that way your dad can't hold it over your head and his wife can't try to control everything. Tell your dad that you want both him and your stepfather to walk you down the aisle and if he refuses to participate in the way you have asked then he can just not participate at all.

Stand your ground!!!

@Jessica...if you figure it out..let me know...I will do the same for you.