Big wedding vs Small ceremony

We started planning the big to-do and then switched to a small wedding. We're not really saving much money by doing so, but hopefully we'll be able to give ourselves and our guests a much better experience!

Thanks for the responses, it's helpful to hear opinions for sure! We are both pretty introverted and I have a type B personality and planning and organizing is not my forte lol

windowschick and orchids: Have the plans for a smaller wedding been less stress even if it's the same amount cost wise?

I feel the saaaaame way

I'm in my second marriage now. I've had a big wedding and a small intimate wedding. Honestly, the smaller intimate wedding was far better than my first, big wedding. We were able to spend time with each and every guest, planning wasn't as stressful, etc... Good luck!

Going smaller will be simpler on all fronts. There still is planning involved, so don't be fooled into thinking you won't need to plan. But, it does simplify many things.

If you're really on the fence, consider doing both. Do a small intimate wedding ceremony with just a few select people and then do a big, fun reception. You could even have it on different days. The small ceremony (and maybe even lunch or dinner after at a restaurant) and then a big party a few days later.

I'm sorry I don't have advice but I'm dealing with the same problem. We want a small wedding of around 100 people because of our budget, but we have way more than 100 of family. So stressful putting together a guest list :/

We had an intimate wedding (32 guests, no bridal party) and it was WONDERFUL. I absolutely recommend it. We didn't have dancing but we did a Sunday wedding with dinner, open bar, and it was a fantastic time---and substantially less expensive.

@Jamie Chang I actually find that concept incredibly rude....that means you think I'm good enough to come to your reception and give you a present, but not good enough to come to your actual wedding? That comes off as SUPER gift-grabby to me.

I hear small is great. My mother had a small wedding in her parent's living room and then had a big party after with more folks invited. It was the 1980s though so maybe things were different then?

@widowschick, even with just parents, siblings, nephews, aunts, uncles and first cousins, my FH and I are at 175! The disadvantages of both of us having a large family!

@Stephanie, what I've always heard is invite those you can't see your day without, and my family, even though it's large, is very close knit, so we will be having a large wedding. It just depends on who you really want to be there to celebrate with you!

I was originally thinking smaller (70-100) due to budget restrictions but we found an affordable venue and caterer so now we are able to invite more friends and relatives than we originally thought (155). We are very happy about it! I am excited to share my special day with those that have supported myself and my FH. We have a lot of important people in our lives and his family is huge.

I was like Orchids. At first we opted for a big 150 person wedding with a DJ, large hall, etc etc. I think there are certainly pros and cons to both...but I am so thankful we have downsized to a modest 55 people. Shaving our guestlist down will allow us to have a nicer venue, minimize a ton of stress, have way better food, and will just feel more romantic imo. Our budget is also a lot more reasonable and realistic too.

We went from 250 to 25, moved the wedding from Missouri to Washington and moved it up by over a year. The stress went from moderate at 18 months out to NOTHING 6 months out. It's been amazing. We are still planning a big ol' party on our original date, but even with that, the stress level is next to nothing.

#TeamSmallWedding

We are having a small wedding (65 guests invited) and I wouldn't change it for the world. It is still stressful at times, but nothing you can't handle.

I'm totally, enthusiastically on team small wedding, and you can absolutely have all the bells and whistles you'd like. We do a LOT of elopements with a couple, beautiful dresses and tuxes, flowers, limos, photography and rings. There is no reason you can't do that!

You COULD do a very intimate ceremony and a big reception, but it doesn't really cut down on the planning; if anything it increases it because you're, in effect, planning two weddings...

Maybe I'm senile, but I don't get why wedding planning turns into such a full time job. Well, actually I DO get it; between the media and Pinterest, couples are brainwashed into thinking that if they don't over thing, over spend and over embellish every aspect of the wedding from engagement photos to personalized thank you notes, they're somehow lacking in personality and commitment. And that's simply not true. Sure, you CAN spend hours agonizing over which place card to buy but really, when it comes right down to it....who cares? Who cares about cute signs for the bar and the ring bearers, personalized aisle runners, chair sashes, and all the other detritus that has become 'required''' for a fabulous wedding. Pretty much only the people who try to sell that shit to you. While I remember the tone and atmosphere of my weddings once they are over, I could rarely tell you about any of those details (although my couple who arrived in a Ghostbusters ambulence? Yep....that, I remember....)

One of my absolutely favorite weddings was very recently; small rustic restaurant, 70ish people, one BP on each side, a fabulous, interesting ceremony (you knew that was coming, right? LOL) beautiful wild-ish flowers, a low key dj (no plasma tvs, no uplights, no "put your hand together cause grandma's in the house"), great photographers, a wonderful menu with house made wines and champagne. It was so organic, so lovely and so personal and I can tell you that the couple didn't spend every waking hour planning the thing. They found vendors they trusted, described what they wanted and let them run free. They didn't interview 10 vendors of every type; they didn't micromanage them; they paid for quality and considered that money well spent.

And there was no DIY. The couple lives thousands of miles away from the space they picked, virtually everyone showed up because what they picked was so compelling (and NYC at Christmas? It's great!)

We've done weddings with two guests in B&B's, 10 guests in public garden spaces and 50 in museums. And personally, I've loved them all.

I love my big wedding too, for different reasons, but if that isn't what you want to play for or pay for, go small! If you really want to cut your stress level, hire a planner or at least a DOC if your venue doesn't have a good one. And don't forget to consider your vendors as valued resources. Good, pro vendors can be invaluable in the planning. (My conversations with my couples cover every planning detail from timing shuttles and first looks to intros into the reception....I refer my favorite great pros all the time, and I know that when I see a vendor list full of my picks? That couple is going to have a great day.)

Jamie Chang That doesn't even really make sense since the reception is where most of the cost comes from. Tiered weddings are usually seen as rude, like AMW said.

We planned to have about 75 guests and my lovely husband got so excited he kept adding people! In fairness to him he does have an insanely large family on his fathers side. His dad is 1 of 16 children (his dad passed when he was 8). We were not able to invite all of his aunts and uncles plus cousins but we got all the ones he was close to. He also invited some of his marine corps buddies which i was fine with. So now we are up to 167 guests!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

My FH and I are giving ourselves both. Two days before actual wedding we will be having a small ceremony with just our maid of honor and best man! It is very much more of the two of us and what we want however since our families are paying for the wedding they want the big ceremony and the bells and whistle's. So we will be doing that on 28 October. But this way we can have a piece of what we want and it takes away the jitters of the big ceremony because we will know and it will be a private thing between just the two of us are made of honor and best man and still remain special. I know that doesn't work for everyonebut it's our dream and a way to have the best of both worlds

Catie- so are you doing a second ceremony for show for your families?

Tiered weddings are only rude when there are more people at the ceremony than the reception (except in church congregation invite situations....) BUT that being said, if your ceremony is going to be private, it needs to be JUST immediate family.

We went intimate. Originally planned for 100 guest, now it's only 15 including us. Less stress and more budget friendly! Good luck with whatever you decide!