Big wedding venue small wedding

Making the guest list and deciding on how many people was the hardest part for me and FH. It will be a process and will take some compromise. You both have a list, now edit it down to just the essential people and see how many that is.

You guys might be able to compromise a bit and end up with closer to 100 or something. I agree with Candace that it's best to write down everyone you can think of then cut from there. It's hard sometimes, but as long as you both can try and communicate the best you can what you want then find a middle ground, it'll all work out in the end,

View Quoted Comment Thank you Jessi, thats true I guess we need to go through the list and find some middle ground.

View Quoted Comment Hi Candace,


Thank you for this, im glad we are not the only ones experiencing this hard bit. It really is hard as even if you have a number in mind once you write people down its hard to cut them.

Was your total list 88 people when you were planning on 80, or did one of you somehow come up with 88 on your own side?

If your combined list was 88 and you planned for 80 thats really such a small difference. I dont really see where that requires compromise since you'll most likely get 80 or fewer in attendance anyway.

View Quoted Comment No so our plan was 80, the list I have is about 88 now but that's not including a lot of family and friends. My fh has now changed his mind and wants a really small wedding so less than original 80, but I feel it's not really fair and nor did he ask me my thoughts.

View Quoted Comment

Ah, ok. I see now. I dont think youre wrong for being upset, but I think you should sit down and have a real conversation about your wants, needs, and potential budget for the wedding. Could you stay with the initial 80 as a number but he can help create rules for how to cut people? I.E. havent spoken in 6 months, no plus ones, live a certain distance, etc. You could also agree that although you expect 80 you can send out 100 invites and expect that some people wont be able to come. Another option is to keep the wedding relatively inexpensive and forego a registry for a house fund and people can donate to that or a honeymoon fund instead. There should be a way for both of you to get the essence of what you want but you may need to compromise on some details.

View Quoted Comment Hi Elycia,
Thank you so much, this is so helpful, you raise some very valid points. I agree in sending out 100 invites with knowing not all will be able to make it. There is definitely a way to get what we both want without giving into too much. I think the main issue is him not doing much work on the planning so far. I have done the majority of the work and feel so invested, where as he initially said you can plan and bring the vision to life etc.
I do think we need a real sit down to discuss expectations for the wedding and show him how much stuff is so we have a realistic budget for a wedding. My thoughts were we save for the wedding once thats out of the way, we save for the house with the additions of any registry gifts we would ask for to people to put towards honeymoon or house fund.