Bestfriend & Step-brother/friend getting married same day...

Yikes! I would take relief in knowing that even if that's their preferred date, until they have put a deposit down on a venue it's not set in stone. Until then, I'm not sure what you can do.

My dilemma with not knowing for sure about their venue... is that I have to let my bestfriend know about RSVP's by the 14th.. 9 days from now. SO I guess if my stepbro and friend don't put a deposit down before then, I won't have any way of knowing. Just so frustrating. I'm a super planner so this has thrown me for a loop.

That's an awkward position to be in, but if you're already committed to this other wedding, then that's where I would go. Sounds like your stepbro might not even find a venue with only 6 weeks to go, and even if they do, it's going to suck. So I wouldn't miss my bff's wedding for that.

I'd go to the one that is set in stone. They've had the date set and planned properly.

If they ask, just tell them sorry. You made these plans a long time ago and will not disappoint a friend.

Wow, that is tough. I would almost feel more inclined to make sure I was at my step brother's since he is family, but if they don't have a venue yet and you already RSVP'd to your best friends, I would probably say no to my step brother's wedding for etiquette purposes. Although I'm sure you're extremely happy for them, you had already committed to a wedding that has been planned for over a year and if they're unwilling to change their date to accommodate their VIP's (which you should be one), than I would probably pass and send them a nice gift.

You already committed to attending another wedding that day. That’s the risk they take when they don’t ask vips to make sure the date will work. Go to your friend’s wedding with a clear conscience and enjoy it!

I'd have serious concerns that step brother and fiance will be able to find a venue so quickly. March is the beginning of wedding season in some parts of the country. I'd go ahead and RSVP yes to the friend's wedding and if step brother somehow gets a wedding together, wish them the best, but apologize for not attending. They know you have a pre-existing obligation. BTW, anyone who throws a wedding together so quickly and gets upset if someone can't attend is out of line.

To be fair, I suggest going to the wedding of one and reception of the other one. Honestly I would go ahead and RSVP for the friends wedding since her was set first and speak to step brother so there is no confusion.

I would go with the wedding you rsvp’d to. Your stepbrother and fiancé don’t even have definitive plans. What if you decline the first wedding then stepbrothers wedding doesn’t happen.

View Quoted Comment

Unfortunately, there's no possible way to do that with the locations being 3 hours apart.

I think you are going to have to pass on the stepbrothers wedding. It seems like he won’t be able get a venue on that date. Have they even sent out invites? If not, then as far as anyone would be concerned, there is no event on that date that you can rsvp to.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, that's what has crossed my mind and why I'm so torn.

Go to your Friends wedding you've already RSVP'd to. I'm assuming you've already made travel plans, hotel arrangements, etc, so go with your gut and go to the wedding you already plan to go to.

While Step-Bro and friend are in a very fluid situation and there's no point in planning around their uncertainty.

View Quoted Comment

I do feel inclined with him not only being family, but marrying a friend of mine. I'm thinking I will have to tell him with that day I just can't make it..

Thank y'all for all the advice. I think y'all are only clarifying my thoughts.. I just didn't want to seem selfish and inconsiderate with it being family. But with all the uncertainties.. there's really no way to commit to that (stepbrother's wedding). I know they'll be disappointed, but I feel they should have checked with immediate family especially planning a wedding like this so hastily.

While I don't think anyone is obligated to check with their families and friends when considering setting a wedding date, your situation is a bit different, as it's essentially 6 weeks away.

If I were you I would do the following-

reach out the newly engaged couple and congratulate them on their engagement and tell them that as excited as you are for them, you want them to know that you previously accepted an RSVP to another wedding for that day - you would love to celebrate with both of them but don't know if that will be possible as you haven't had a lot of notice and already have an obligation. (that's what an RSVP is to me - an obligation... if I got a reply and then people called me to change their mind... particularly for another social event, I would be offended and hurt... not like this is a funeral or sudden emergency)

That may be enough of a "hint" that they will consider pushing the date a bit to give guests (and themselves quite frankly) a bit more time to plan and prepare.

I wouldn't want to back out of an RSVP for a friend who had been planning for a year to accommodate an impetuous decision by someone else. It wouldn't be fair to the original couple.

I would just go to the wedding you RSVPed too, because they have everything planned. While your step brother doesn't even have a venue yet.. And with things so close.. They might not be able to get it all together in time. So they very well change the date anyway. This is just what i would do. Its completely up to you though.

I think step bro wedding will happen. Unsure why everyone is hung up on this lack of venue issue. Is it an issue? Sure. But it sounds like a backyard wedding to me since venues won't let you bring in DIY food, so I think it is reasonable that they can pull off a small DIY wedding in 6 weeks.

That being said, I would not go. Send your regrets and go to the wedding you have been planning on. Take the other newlyweds out to a nice dinner a few weeks after their wedding. You won't regret it.

I agree with everyone else; go with your gut and go to the wedding you already RSVPed to. I don't necessarily think couples need to reach out to every VIP before they choose a date, but they definitely need to realize that not everyone will be able to make it if they don't - especially when they only give people 6 weeks or less notice.

The fact that they don't have anything set in stone aside from deciding they want a specific date would also give me pause. Like The Nupitals said, they could just throw together a DIY backyard wedding without a caterer, etc., but until they have some kind of vendor contracted or a real invitation, it's very difficult to know whether or not they'll change their minds. That's the risk they're taking and you shouldn't have to be thrown for a loop because of it.

Just tell them that while you'd love to be there to witness their marriage, you unfortunately have had other plans set in stone for the past year and will have to miss it. You wish them well, send them a gift, and that's it. Maybe if enough people do this they'll reconsider their date; but if not, then they'll have to be okay with moving forward without some VIPs and that's on them.

I would go to the wedding that’s for sure happening and let your stepbrother know if they decide for sure that date you will definitely not be there. Maybe that will make them take pause to consider that that is short notice not only for you but any of their other family and guests.