Bestfriend & Step-brother/friend getting married same day...

Y'all are right.. I would feel awful to miss my bestfriends wedding having known about it for close to a year now. I mean it's literally been on my calendar since I got a save the date last June? but I knew the date before that. They came to our wedding so I would feel bad to miss theirs.

While I'm friends with my stepbrother's Fiance, in fact even closer with her than I am him, and they were both at my wedding.. I just can't not go to my bestfriends planned day, one I've already RSVP'd to (lastnight), when my stepbrother not only doesn't have a venue (which part of me doubts, but at the same time like the Nupitals said, I think they'll find a place whether it's a backyard or not..) but they haven't even sent out invitations yet because of no venue. What blows my mind even more is they even have a time set? with no venue.. Like even on the same day if they could get married earlier in the day it would work out to attend both.. But I wouldn't want someone telling me the time and date of my wedding.

I don't always think VIP's should know, but with it being 6 weeks away... I very much think if they expected us there that we should have known and been asked. So I think I'll just message them together and let them know I'd love to be there, but with it being that day I had a prior commitment that I cannot miss.

Thanks very much for the advice!! Y'all have reassured my gut feeling, I just wanted to more clearly have a decision and not be so torn. Maybe they will reconsider, maybe not. If not, we'll go see them and do dinner/gifts another weekend soon.

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@Becca

I didn't mean it a bad thing by the No ring situation.. Actually he or she didn't ask. They were not even really engaged per say, just planning a wedding... then they got engaged where he actually proposed with a ring. I was just trying to give a representation of how unplanned and thrown together this whole thing is..

View Quoted Comment You aren’t being selfish and inconsiderate at all! Actually they are the ones being pretty darn inconsiderate by planning a wedding so last minute and informing people of the date by using Facebook. They couldn’t even bother to call or at least text you as soon as they knew? What if you hadn’t seen that post?? Lots of people are probably going to have to miss their wedding because they aren’t planning it properly and you have a very valid reason to miss it, so I think you shouldn’t feel the least bit bad about it.

FOE(Family Over Everything)

View Quoted Comment I personally disagree. You are probably very lucky and don’t have anyone in your family who treats other poorly. Must be nice. In my book you only get so many chances before you lose my respect, family or not. Maybe family should get more chances than others, but putting them over everyone else all the time is foolish and can actually destroy your life if you don’t have family who deserve it. I love a lot of family members and am very close to my mom and sis, but I also have some family members who very selfish and actually downright horrible people. If I always put them before everyone else, my life would be absolutely miserable.

Now obviously I don’t know all the details about OP’s family but her stepbrother and fiancé are being totally inconsiderate and seem pretty selfish to me. The poor girl found out their wedding date from a Facebook post! And they are barely giving any notice. That’s ridiculous. If it’s important to them for everyone to be there, then they need to take others into consideration when they are planning their wedding. Planning a wedding last minutes and not giving people adequate notice isn’t fair, family or not, and they don’t deserve everyone else to drop everything and bend over backwards to come.

That's a sticky situation. I feel like you've been planning on going to the other wedding for awhile, and they have everything planned and ready to go. 1.5 month engagement with no venue even picked yet...not sure if that will even happen on the same day. If they pick a venue in the next 9 days, then you can make that decision, but if it's after the RSVP date to the other wedding, I think you've already committed to that, which is reasonable.

6 week turn around time is unreasonable, and quite frankly a rude spot to put their friends and family in. You’re probably not the only one with commitments. Keep them. Let them know you have commitments.

Stepbro’s event is unplanned, and unless I’m misinterpreting, you haven’t actually been invited yet? ...unless it was a FB invite or something that alerted you.

but this is on them. it’s not fair to guests and I would not feel bad missing it.
I mean I’d feel a LITTLE bad. But like, also not.

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I totally agree with you - that FOE thing doesn't work for, I am guessing, a whole lot of us... Being related is not a license to treat people poorly...

Why are you stressing over this? You RSVP'd to a wedding already..a wedding that is 100% planned. The other wedding is not planned and came about after the original. You attend the wedding that you RSVP'd to.

You have a proper invite to one wedding with an actual location and have already rsvp'd. I'd go with that.

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Thank you J, I definitely would not agree with FOE either..

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@McSkipper, I was invited to their previously planned courthouse wedding that they did not go through with, but yes found out the date through facebook via comment. However, I have been asked for our address and know I will be invited. I was just trying to get my ducks in a row before I wait another month and receive an invitation.

and you are exactly right... I'll feel a little bad. but also not at the same time because this short of a notice I just can't do anything about it.

I've made the decision to go to my bestfriends wedding, regardless of if stepbrother gets married that day or not.. My dilemma now is do I wait until I eventually receive an invitation for said wedding to tell them I won't be there. Or do I go ahead and message them and let them know that if they do go through with that date I will not be in attendance due to a previous commitment.. They know I know the date, and I'm not assuming because I know I'll be invited..

At this point I'm somehow hoping they won't be able to find a place that day to marry, but I also think they will get married wherever so part of me also thinks it will happen..

I would go to the wedding you already committed to. Explain the situation and apologize, but seriously? It sounds like they're wedding is being slapped together last minute and it wouldn't be a surprise to see that date slip. If you don't RSVP to your friend's wedding then you might not get to go to either.

Honestly, i would go with the wedding you have been planning on, just explain that to your step-brother ahead of time and hopefully he will understand. Plus they are sort of doing things last minute, and like others have said, what if they aren’t able to have that wedding in such a short time period. I feel like the other couple will get super upset being that you’ve known about their wedding for quite some time.

View Quoted Comment I personally think it’s okay to let them know now. Maybe some others won’t be able to come either and they will reconsider their date.

Tough decision, but you RSVP to a wedding that fully book. I think that would be the decision that I would take.

Yikes. If i already rsvpd id go to that one. People who are gwtting married should at least give a 6 month advanced notice to guests. Sorry you're caught between the two.

UPDATE: Brother and future SIL have found a church to get married in. Sent out invites.. but NO officiant.... and the county they live in, the JOP's don't do weddings. I told her last week I would not be attending if they were still going with that date. She understood and said it was planned so last minute and not what she wanted, but my brother insisted.. Way to think about family. Oh well. Part of me feels bad for going to miss it, but I also don't at the same time since they didn't care enough to ask VIP's. Anyways, thanks everyone for the words of advice! Helpful and put the reality of it into perspective. I can be happy for them without being there.

In most cases I go with the obligation I agreed to first.

Tell your stepbro that you already committed to another event? It sucks, but you couldn't have known you'd have conflicting events when you RSVPed to the first wedding.