Best Woman...?

You seem fun.. stuck on old gender roles too. I'd love to hear your opinions on other "non traditional" weddings.

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This thread is AMAZING. So many vio posts, by veterans, no less! Good job, OP, really mobilized the group tonight.

Also, Jesus. My FH is having a groomswoman he used to date back in the day. I have become very good friends with her. It's seriously no big deal, and the sister jealousy is totally creeping me out.

I so wish I knew you irl. I would LOVE to see this post on fb. #WW all rud bishes cause I ain't gonna let no chick stand next to my man.

Thank god my FW has all women in her BP! No men so, according to OP, I'm in the clear! Phew.

Sheeeeeesh, I just read through all this nonsense....OP, chill out. My man is having a groomswoman on his side and I'm thrilled to have her there. She was a groomswoman in FH's best friend's wedding too. It's 2017, it's his wedding as much as yours, and he deserves to have his closest standing with him.

Thank you OP, for the best "most fucking ridiculous" thread I have read on here in the three months I've been reading. Seriously, fucking classic. (And yes, I'm swearing just to piss you off.)

Oh yeah, go to (unnamed alternate bridal site) that will go well for you Why is your FSIL's vagina getting in the way?

Best shit i have read all night..

Jealous of his sister? Is this a real conversation right now? Holy shit, really? I wouldn't marry your ass if you ever acted like this over family members. Get it together. His family will and should ALWAYS come first.

Literally laughed out loud at "I'll stick with The Knot" Good luck with that...

Girl, you asked for feedback. If you don't want it then don't ask!

Also yes that is most certainly an overreaction. I get resisting her in suspenders in a bow tie but not allowing your future spouse to choose who stands by him is mean, plain and simple.

If he told you your MOH wasn't allowed how would you feel? Incredibly inconsiderate to both your partner and FSIL.

Since you did ask, yes you are over reacting. But if you're uncomfortable and FH actually wanted his best male friend then let him tell his sister she's a BM. I think the thing that gets under your skin is your FSIL in general. Sounds like she picked her place without being asked and that bothers you. It would prob bother me too. I'd have him have her be BM.

Wow. Okay...OP, I don't believe your question is clear evidence that you are a troll. After working in the wedding industry (and we don't book every client with whom we consult), I could tell you stories about the strange ideas some brides hold fast to, no matter how obviously questionable (or offensive) they are. So, whether you're real or not, I know that the mindset, as you've stated it, is not some rare anomaly.

Let's take it from the top; you have defined every shocked, disbelieving, and contrarian response to your post as "rhetoric". That's a word that used in lots of heated debates, and I have to wonder, at least half of the time, if the user of that word has some imperfect conception as to the true definition of the word based on solely on context, as opposed to its real definition. And, this is its real definition: "Language designed to have a persuasive or impressive effect on its audience, but often regarded as lacking in sincerity or meaningful content. Synonyms include bombast, turgidity, grandiloquence, magniloquence, pomposity, extravagant language". I'm not doing a Webster's Cliff Notes post, so if you're interested in the definitions of those synonyms, you'll have to do the googling, but the stated definition makes it clear that rhetoric is really about the verbal opera -- there is nothing genuine or worthy about it.

Now, if you could read these posts, almost all of them making the same point, how could just assume that every stranger who's answered you has merely done so in an effort to be insincere (i.e., dishonest), but noticeable? Typically, if the community members don't have a positive opinion on a thread -- such as, "Do you like my DIY centerpieces/my fake bouquets/make-up trial/gown?", they aren't going to engage in offering insincere words to the author of that thread. They either tell the truth, or they go back to the forum menu and look for another thread on which to comment. It's just not the way most of these ladies and gentlemen roll. If they are passionate enough to weigh in on this particular thread, to the tune of ten pages, it isn't rhetoric they're sharing. It may be shock, followed by their sincere beliefs, sans a sugary coating, but it's not rhetoric.

Moving on...I don't think someone can really overreact to something they clearly don't understand at a foundational level. You can't react (overly or otherwise) with true sincerity and without employing rhetoric, if the subject is something you clearly misunderstood from the outset. You're making huge assumptions about the impropriety of the way in which your FH wants his sister to be included in his wedding, and instead of seeing how that will benefit him, you're locked into a reaction that's based in a threat that doesn't exist.

I have little doubt, after reading your posts, that your FH and his sister absolutely discussed this privately, and their choice came to you slowly and in pieces because both of them knew that you would respond negatively to an invitation that belongs to your FH, and your FH alone.

You do know that there is a difference between the Best Man/Woman and the bride, right? There isn't a person on your guest list who will take their eyes off of you, the lady in the white gown exchanging vows with this man, and then look to his right, and think, "There's the real BEST Person! The bride is secondary." Who would do that, and why -- and I'm seriously asking you -- how could you ever reach that conclusion?

I don't mean to offend you, but I'm a lot older than you -- unless you're in your late fifties, and I've seen women who view the very close relationships between siblings as a threat. It's so sad, and it speaks of deep insecurities on the part of the bride. Your power will ultimately be your downfall. No woman wants to be her brother's wife -- not women who are not in need of intensive psychotherapy. Those sisters have a history with their brothers that predates the marital one, but could never outweigh the level of intimacy and unique, sacred love shared between a married couple. Frankly, even putting the two relationships to a competition makes me a little queasy.

If this is how you really feel, you will probably begin to have mysterious maladies when the holidays roll around and you don't want to spend the day with your rival -- his sister. Believe me, I've seen it, and everyone eventually figures it out. It will become a topic of conversation among his family, and as the years roll on, the family members of the groom begin to feel the weight of the isolation she's demanded of him, and they will try, successfully or otherwise, to grab whatever hours might be available for secret lunches or cups of coffee with their rarely seen sibling/son. Eventually, you will view all of his family members as threats.

You are embarking on a road that's nothing less than smothering...and eventually, a dead end.

This isn't about gender roles. This, for you, is about jealousy and insecurity. Unless your FH and his sister have a long history that should have been reported to CPS years ago, the problem is not theirs -- it's yours. You may have your way, for a while, but not forever -- and if you, by chance, happen to win the final battle, you can congratulate yourself for having put a lead wedge between two people who supported and loved each other when it really counted. I don't take that lightly -- we're all very limited, even the most popular of us, when it comes to building and nurturing our support systems -- and we desperately need them. I don't know why you'd feel victorious about adding a little more estrangement to the world, but if you do, then the work begins with you. This is your problem, and putting her in a "maid" position won't change their relationship to each other, not in their hearts, but it will change his opinion of you (perhaps mildly, at first), and I doubt you'll love what you've created when it comes to its toxic maturity.

Hey, if it's really a problem for you, I suggest letting your fh know. Have in mind that your fsil might feel a certain way towards you afterwards...also I'm guessing that she isn't so girly because she wanted to wear suspenders and a tux...if so, why not just let her stand next to her brother instead of next to you wearing a dress...which might make her uncomfortable

She may be his so called best woman but your THE WOMAN.

Everything Rachel said is on point. OP, please take notice.

I feel as though OP isn't listening anymore. I think she proclaimed that she was done with WW earlier in the thread

I haven't read comments yet but 10 pages in I'm sure it could be worth the read

But this is so offensive, OP. The fact that you are allowing someone's sex identify where they can and can not stay in a wedding party is ridiculous. I am in the same situation as you, except not nearly as close minded. My FH is having his sister be his Best Woman. I mean, if we're talking about sides-it makes much more sense that his best friend stands next to HIM on his wedding day, not my side "because she's a female". My grandmother wasn't thrilled about the "best woman" thing but she quickly got over it. But I think it's so great, she even went to party city and bought a big pink sequin tie for fun. It's HER BROTHER and she was there long before you and will never be a rival, I think you are so out of line and if you're so insecure about his sister standing next to him I'd hate to imagine what else you're insecure about in your relationship.

If you knew what you wanted and are "sticking to your guns", why even post this and ask for opinions?