Best marriage advice

I think the old "never go to bed angry" one is kinda b.s.

Sometimes people need time to cool off, forcing a resolution might be insincere. So I guess my advice would be that sometimes it's okay to go to bed angry.

I also love this Ogden Nash quote:

To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever you're wrong, admit it;

Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage really isn't hard (all the time). People who say it's hard and you constantly have to work at it are in bad relationships (been there, done that). So my advice is always remember that you're on the same side...and let the little things go.

A big one that I think applies to a lot of people is: Don't expect anything in your relationship to change suddenly because you got married. I feel like a lot of people go into marriages thinking that things you need to work on will suddenly get better because you are married. If anything, they'll be magnified. My coworkers talk all the time about a friend of theirs who just got married to a borderline drug addict. The girl was convinced that her high five figure wedding would change everything. Uh, no. Dude still loves the pills and now she wants an annulment.

Remember that marriage doesn't fix problems, it just makes them permanent.

I didn't really get any sweet happy advice. One friend said when things get bad, promise to commit to 6 more months because problems pass. My mother suggested a keep a savings account to myself...just in case. (She has been divorced 3 times.) My advice from my wopping 100 days married and nearly 5 years of relationship, show each other appreciation every day. A small "Thank you for doing the dishes." or "Thanks for picking up the milk." with a hug goes a long way.

Oh my god, @KM, THIS. I cant get over how people really think anything will change! That makes me bonkers!

You said "yes" to THIS. If it wasn't what you wanted, cause now you want to change that person, why'd you say yes in the first place? Pet peeve of mine. FH and I both were super clear on how, like, I'm not going to magically stop leaving my shoes all over the place and he's not going to stop being bad at doing the dishes lol.

@Amanda, I'm mentioning in my vows that I won't take FH's love for granted. It's such a easy thing to do, to be lazy.

I guess Jill, more advice I'd give is to live as if you need to earn your partner's love every day. Don't take is as a given. AMW is right too, it shouldn't be hard. My relationship with FH is the easiest one I've ever had. No drama, no huge blowouts. It's just love.

I think the best advice I've ever heard, is "Never be afraid to be the one that loves the most."

It can be really hard sometimes though, I think. Sometimes we don't even realize that we're keeping score or counting the things our FH/FW and partners do for us against what we've done for them. It's also probably the ultimate vulnerability.

You all are giving such great advice! And I agree with all of it, especially about the changing part, my brother married his long time gf thinking things would be different once they were married and now they're divorcing after 6 years of marriage...this is the one relationship I've had where I'm not sure if I'm the one who loves the most bc he treats me so well and is so thoughtful and helpful I feel like I don't deserve him, although he says he same about me! I know both of us expressing appreciation for the little things the other one does makes daily life much happier!

"Don't bring your work home" I can tell you there is nothing more annoying then listening to your other half spend at least 30 minutes EVERY single day complaining about work that day. You can't expect anyone to be around negativity that much and it not impact how they feel.

Choose your Love, Love your choice

Don't fart and blame it on the dog.

This was the advice my uncle wrote in our album:

"Always go out two nights a week. You on Monday and Wednesday, (husband) on Tuesday and Thursday."

H's grandpa gave him sweet advice when we got engaged. He passed away before we got married so H mentioned it at the wedding.

The advice was: "Just do whatever she says." Hahaha

Learn to compromise and pick your battles - not everything is worth fighting for (except your marriage).

I actually got this advice from an ex-fling whose parents were going through a divorce when he and I were seeing each other but it really resonated with me.

He said the reason his parents were getting divorced was because they had stopped choosing to love each other every day. Love is an action, and you have to make the choice to complete that action daily (just like going to the gym, cooking dinner, etc.). When you stop choosing to do something everyday, it becomes a chore, and *poof* your love is gone.

During the ceremony, the officiant (DH's uncle) addressed both of us individually with wedding advice. He said a lot of great things, but one thing that sticks out, that he said to both of us "X, don't ever give Y cause to regret marrying you." He said it to H first, and I was like, "yes sir!" Then he said it to me. It really cut to the heart. I think about it often, especially if I'm in a mood and want to gripe at DH. "Am I justifiably upset or am I just trying to pick a fight?"

I like these

Appreciate the simple things in your life together. Remain humble & kind to one another. I love the choose to love your spouse every day. It should never be a chore you should just love.

The one the I remember most was from my Priest, you have to give your relationship/marriage 100%. Always remember you get back what you put in. Before I was always told it's 50 - 50. Now I understand you need to give it your all as well as your spouse to make it through this thing called marriage.

Great post OP!! Love this thread!