Dedicated September 2020

Best Man Plus One

Analie, on March 6, 2020 at 4:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

My best man started dating this girl two months ago and he wants to bring her to my wedding in two months. I am very happy for him that he has found someone that he is fond of but I am worried she will not know anyone at the wedding. It has been set for the past 6 months that we will have a head table with my bm and moh but I kind of feel bad for her I'm pretty sure I will have to seat her with people that she doesn't know. The BM is traveling for our wedding and will be doing wedding duties with us like photos and things during the ceremony. Of course, I will not deny her from coming but he has mentioned many times before that she is not one to talk to people she doesn't know....which is everyone at the wedding. I am at a loss for words.

What do I do to make her comfortable or do I let them figure it out for themselves?


Latest activity by Andrea, on March 7, 2020 at 10:51 PM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I would explain your concern and see if he has any suggestions and if not then she will just have to figure it out. Maybe put her with someone else that doesn’t know many people. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Let them figure it out themselves! I would invite her, maybe she won't even come based on the reasons you mentioned.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed. You're not denying her the chance to come but not your responsibility. I have been to weddings alone and the bride did not worry about me being entertained nor were they supposed to.

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    She will be fine. Typically the dates of the wedding party meet at the rehearsal dinner, so she should at least have acquaintances.
    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Yeah, this is not your problem. As long as you make sure the best man understands the reality of the situation, it's his problem to deal with.

    • Reply
  • Hope
    Dedicated August 2020
    Hope ·
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    She will be fine. She’s an adult- she can spend an hour at a table with some great people.
    No worries!
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    My husband’s best man had been with his girlfriend for over 3 years when we got married and she didn’t come to our wedding. Both of them live across the country... we only had met her once and barely knew her. Best man knew he wanted to spend the weekend with my husband being there for him, and knew he would not be able to do that AND entertain his girlfriend. She would’ve been super bored. So she didn’t come. She would’ve been welcome to if she wanted... but it wouldn’t have been our responsibility to entertain her if she had!
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    She can figure it out herself. Just dont seat her with the geriatric or kids crew, I'm sure she'll be fine.
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    Just invite her. She's aware she won't know anyone there so she'll either smile and deal with it or she will decline the invitation.

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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    I was in similar situation when my FH was in a wedding. They made an effort to make sure I was introduced and got to know some of the other SOs of the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner. That way I had a few people to hang out with during pictures, riding to the venue, etc.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    It is super considerate of you to be concerned about your BM's new girlfriend enjoying herself, but that's really not your responsibility. It's up to the BM and his girlfriend to decide if it's appropriate for her to attend, assuming you extend the invitation.

    I would definitely mention your concerns and reiterate the amount of time your BM will need to be with you (and away from his GF) during the wedding day. They might decide its best for her not to attend, or that she'll be fine on her own. I have friends that aren't super social with people they don't know, but they also don't feel uncomfortable isolating themselves at parties. You could also perhaps encourage the partner of one of your other groomsmen to take her under their wing. If you do a rehearsal dinner and invite your wedding party and their SO's as is customary, your BM's GF will meet other people prior to the actual wedding itself, which might be enough to make her feel like she knows a few people when your BM is busy on the wedding day.

    Again, it's not really your job to make sure every guest at your wedding has their every desire catered to, but I think if you share your concerns with your BM he can decide what makes the most sense. This is of course assuming you are find extending the invite to her and don't have any other reasons (budget, planning, etc) why you wouldn't want her there.

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  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    I was only with my fiancé for 3 months before my brothers wedding that I was a bridesmaid in. He sat with my cousins, who he had never met, and had a fantastic time. I was with him all night except for dinner, it wasn’t an issue at all.
    She will be fine
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