Best Man inviting HIS friends to Bachelor Party

You don't handle it, it isn't your problem. If your FH really has an issue with it he can address it, otherwise you have to deal with the fact that 2 people you don't like will be affected something you won't.

@Blair I just know that no one who is not invited to the wedding should attend the Bachelor/ette parties because they are Wedding related parties, and people who don't even know the groom or don't like him [the one guy hates him] should not be invited and I don't want these people to assume they're getting a wedding invite and I am angry with the BM for just inviting people he likes with no regard to if the person the party is for even knows them?

Are you friends with BM wife? You could say something to her and get her to tell her husband what he did isn't ok.

This is something the fh needs to talk to the bm about. You need to get him to handle it if he doesnt want them there. You need to stay out of it. And i think with them being guys they arent going to assume they r invited and if they ask tell them im sorry but no. All you can do is support what your fh decides to do, talk to the bm or not. (Sorry if this sounded rude or mean, didnt want it to).

@Jennifer no the BM wife hates me, I think that she's having fun messing with stuff over our wedding. She's very close with my ex boyfriend from right before I got with FH and he is very bitter over our break up even 4 years later, and so BM wife still hates me.

@Amandaw FH is very bad about speaking up about anything and he really doesn't want to cause trouble with BM but also he has social anxiety and being surrounded by a crowd of drunk people that he barely knows or doesnt even know at all is going to make him feel really poorly for his entire party. He asked me to talk to BM about it but I 100% agree I should stay out of it... I just dont want FH to do his usual thing where he just shrugs it off and deals with it silently.

FH should tell his BM that he can't invite people not invited to the wedding (and shouldn't be inviting people FH isn't friends with, anyway!)

This really isn't your issue to get involved with the bachelor party

@futuremrs while I would normally agree, strangers make FH uncomfortable but so does confrontation so if I don't FH will just hide in a corner his whole bachelor party.

I get he doesnt like to deal with it but some things you gotta do. He needs to do it and the sooner the better. The more he waits the worse the situation will be. Why cant he just say "i appreciate the work you put in but you know i dont like big crowds. So i would prefer if we only have ___ at the party."

@amandaw I'm really pushing for that. He's told me now he's going to deal with it tomorrow which doesn't bode well though.

When is the party?

Wait, why doesn't it bode well that he's handling this tomorrow instead of convincing you to do this for him?

First of all, if you think there's a chance he's going to hide in a corner during his own BP because two guys he barely knows are going to be there (and their presence will completely overshadow the majority that he does know), then perhaps the more important discussion is, "Did you feel pressured into having this party when you really would have preferred to skip it?"

He only wants you to talk to the BM because you made him, a man with social anxiety, aware of a problem that didn't exist in his universe -- until you got involved in his BP and made him aware of a potential etiquette fail. Sorry, but that's the truth. Your FH had no hand in this, and if he wants to take one now, then great...but if not, please, don't embarrass him and call the BM on his account. This is as easy as him talking to one person -- via text, if necessary -- the guy he cares enough about to bestow the chief honor of BM. He can certainly have that conversation, right? He doesn't need to talk or see this other guys -- he never does, anyway.

So, he either leaves it alone (then, it's over), or he takes the initiative to talk to a close friend about two virtual strangers (then, it's over).

You are far too involved in this; your personal "heavy dislike" for these few guys, and the fact that you think your BM's wife is messing with you because of a four year old break-up you had with a ex-boyfriend, etc., Just move ahead with the bridal activities and leave it alone.

@amandaw the 28th of this month.

@Rachel it doesn't bode well because FH tends to shuffle things away to deal with later and proceed to ignore them hoping they just go away. And the two (there's more than two but he was only informed of names of two, number is yet unknown) will majorly affect his experience because there are only going to be 4 friends along for the bachelor party. It was supposed to just be the five of them. He does very much want the party but he wants it to be just his guys. He has very few friends so the 3 in the bridal party and one other are the only local ones. He's also being driven an hour and a half away in the best man's car for this party so he can't escape if he gets uncomfortable.

And I know the best man's wife is messing in stuff. She's admitted as much before. This ex went so far as to call child services on me with accusations of me abusing my son because he was angry I left him. I've already stated I am very much trying to let FH handle this situation but it's hard to get across how poorly he handles things if he's left to himself. He's handling some heavy depression right now over the loss of his older brother very unexpectedly and has social anxiety and his party is 7 days after his brothers funeral so sorry but I think it's pretty important he be comfortable and want to help him make some kind of choice on how he wants to handle this. He's only been out to see his friends twice so far this year and having random people invited to the one night he's supposed to be able to get them all together isn't right.

Listen, if this is how he deals with things then it's how he deals with things. He is a grown man and your partner, not your child. You don't need to make sure his playdates aren't overstimulating or that the other boys make sure he gets a turn. He knows all these things you're telling us about himself and he has chosen how to deal with it.

Delfina do you have depression or social anxiety? If I just let FH ignore his problems he will become a Shell who won't even be able to enjoy our wedding next month. It's not something I can just let go

Yes, I have bipolar disorder. It helps me to be able to take control of situations and know that the people in my life trust me to handle them.

And even at my lowest ebb, they'd never describe me as a Shell.

You need to let your fiance handle it. He's a grown man. You are making this a much, much bigger deal than it is and it sounds like it bothers you more than it bothers your fiance. If it bothers your fiance so much he will say something about it. If he doesnt, it's on him. Maybe he should see his counselor if you really think spending an evening along with 2 guys he barely knows will turn him into a "shell" by the time your wedding rolls around.

From all the comments adding extra information, it seriously sounds like there is either a control or trust issue here. There is more to this story, than just the 2 people you dislike showing up...

If the other guy hates him, why is he even going? Etiquette says no but if he doesn't mind then drop it. If he does mind then HE needs to talk to HIS BM and address the issue head on. He's a grown man and shouldn't have someone else dealing with his problems.

Good Lord. This is a cluster.

What's the real issue here?

Are you actually mad about the etiquette issue? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you're more irritated by the fact that the wife that's still close to your ex is involved and 2 people you don't like were extended an invitation.

He has 2 options: he can say something or he can leave it alone. Neither of those options involve you. You claim that he wants you to say something? Tell him no...you're not going to do it. He needs to have the conversation with the person he calls his best friend.