Best Friend of 10 years assumes she'll be moh

Yikes! I totally agree with your decision (not that you asked or needed validation, but i wanted to give it anyway!)....perhaps something like "I know you have a lot going on, and I wanted to keep the bridal party small. I'm so excited to dance with you at the wedding though! And we'll definitely have to get a few pictures together when we're all done up!" Gosh, I don't know, I'm just throwing out some suggestions. I wish you the best of luck in this possible confrontation and in your wedding planning process!!

It sounds to me like she isn't really a friend. She just uses you for what you can do for her. And then she gives you these short little pity dates that she knows she is already booked for, all because she wants to string you along for whenever she needs something from you.
I'd probably drop her as a friend all together. You said after going to therapy that you realize that it isn't the friendship you want. So why keep bothering to maintain this friendship?


I had a best friend like her but she was a little more toxic. We went out to our old schools bond fire, she ended up inviting another friend which I didn't mind but then when we got there she and her friend ditched me with their kids and ran off with some guys acting like they were 16. Then she was always putting me down for everything. And when I would call her out on it she would use the excuse I'm just looking out for you. Like for example I got a new car, it was a used car but new to me. She pointed out every scratch and dent on the car and had the nerve to tell me my tires are bad, when I watched the mechanic put new tires on it and they had stickers still on the tires. But anyways she thought she would be my MOH as well. I definitely didn't want her in my wedding because she would try and make it about her all while putting me down through the process. She also put me down for my engagement ring and didn't seem at all happy for me when I told her I was engaged. I wanted my mom she and I have become so close when I became an adult. Well my friend had the nerve to ask me if she would be the MOH and I told her I asked my mom. She took to Facebook to complain about how I ruined her bucket list and how she can't believe I took this from her. After that I called her and told her she wouldn't be in the wedding at all and well our friendship ended. I couldn't be happier to not have to deal with her anymore.
I wouldn't tell her that she isn't in the wedding, but if she asks I'd just say that you already have everyone picked out. I would be honest and tell her that you to are just not as close as the other girls.

I think in this case, honesty will be the best way to handle this. Wait until she asks you about it, and if she does just say you’ve already made your choice and asked your wedding party. If she asks more questions, just be truthful and say you have other friends you’re closest to. There’s a chance she will be mad, sad, disappointed but I would make sure to stick to your guns as I agree that she will make your wedding day difficult if she is part of the wedding party.

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Katie, oh my god! This is exactly that!

For one, I'm so very sorry she was in your life to begin with. That level of narcissism is too much to bear. Thank you for sharing!!

Lucy is definitely a little like that. I told her my boyfriend and I were taking a trip for our anniversary and how I thought it was THE moment, you know? During the trip, she kept messaging me and going "oh right! You're on your trip!" (I was right, it was THE moment, haha) When we came home and I texted her a picture of the ring on my hand, she replied with "ooh, the aesthetic!" and,, that was literally it.

Her next message to me was asking to see me over zoom to help her with her resume which she then asked zero questions about the engagement or anything.

I know I'm painting her in a bad light, but I honestly don't think it comes from a terribly malicious place. Through it definitely hurts the same. Like, I know for a fact that if we have a friendly conversation about this, she won't internalize it in the proper way and grow. She'll probably just think i'm a bad friend. And isn't that just the kicker?

“Lucy” is not a friend by your description. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you. You will feel so much better afterwards.


Be blunt if she asks. You are not required to invite her to the wedding as a guest either.

View Quoted Comment Oh wow you would think she would have congratulated you and wanted details. My fiance purposed to me with his grandmothers ring. My ring is his grandmothers and when I told other people their comments were omg that is such an honor, hers was I knew it, I told my mom the ring looked used.


Unfortunately people like this are always going to play the victim. Hopefully she never asks or if she does she is ok with the answer and understands.

She sounds like not much of a friend but just to throw a couple things out there. You CAN have two MOH's, there's no rules about that at all. Also if your sister is your MOH will there be other bridesmaids? If not, then that's a perfect reason to say "well I asked my sister and that's all".

Good luck with whatever you decide.

On the wedding day, you should have the best peoples around you. Without disguise. I think your friend Lucy is a masked person

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This exactly.

Tiptoeing around to protect the feelings of someone who doesn't care about your feelings helps no one. Be honest with her. She may freak out, end your "friendship", etc but that is her choice to make. Still with what feels right to you and don't be swayed into including someone in your wedding that you don't trust to be there for you.

Weddings bring out true colors. For our wedding, people stepped up that I didn't expect and some people I really thought would be there for me proved that the friendship was more one sided and I wasn't a priority. Lucy doesn't sound like someone who is going to make your day better.

First of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I think the first decision you need to make is whether you want to maintain this friendship after the wedding. If the answer is no, I would go with pure honestly and explain that you don't feel as close to her anymore and have been feeling like your friendship is very one-sided. If the answer is yes, then I would keep it simple and just say that you wanted to keep the bridal party small.

I was a bridesmaid for a friend from high school a few years ago and I think she expected reciprocity because she flat out asked me if we had picked our wedding party and then asked who we picked. She is a loyal friend, but we have a very complicated history and wanted to keep things small, but it was still not a pleasant conversation. Brace yourself, but remember, at the end of the day, this day is about YOU and your fiancé and you should surround yourself with people who support you and make you feel good.