Backup Bridesmaid?

No. Dont do this. That is rude and unthoughtful.

No, Jovina, please don't. If one or two or 4 of your BM's don't make it to your wedding, it will be okay. You don't have to have an even BP. At the end of the day, you will be married - and asking someone to be a back up bridesmaid is insulting. Save the hurt feelings and just be okay that if your numbers aren't even - it isn't the end of the world.

Oh God no. If someone flakes then leave it uneven. And why would you choose someone that is likely to flake out? If you are that close that shouldnt be a concern but if it is I would just have them as guest.

I am leaning towards no as well, it doesn't have to be completely even if someone flakes. As I was reading your post I was thinking about if any of my friends/family would be understanding if I asked them to be a backup, and couldn't think of anyone that would be totally cool with it, even my most easy going friends. So, unless you have someone who is 100% understanding, but you wouldn't really know that, I would elan towards no. It will be a great day whether or not the bridal party matches in numbers completely! :-)

Ok... First of all... 5 brothers?!?!?!?! Dear Lord I feel sorry for your FH's mother! Second, no. You don't ask someone to be a backup bridesmaid. That's incredibly rude. If they offer to step up then that's one thing, but you never ever EVER tell someone they're basically 2nd choice. There's nothing wrong with an uneven bridal party. Thousands of people do it.

Nope.

Just no. Leave it uneven. You're not staffing a volleyball team; you're picking people who you presumably want to stand with you.

I forgot one more thought... you COULD possibly ask someone to be added to the bridal party, not as back up but included the same.Then, if no one flakes out, you might have an extra girl, but if someone does, you are even. I think it matters more who you want, not how many (unless you have TOO many).

I wouldn't do it! That would be a good way to really hurt someone's feelings! =( if you want to ask the "backup" bridesmaids just to be bridesmaids outright, then definitely go for it, then just have extra bridesmaids. But if you don't want them to be bridesmaids no matter what, I wouldn't even mention it to them!

Please don't do this! How would you feel if someone asked this of you? I would feel used. IF you.did take this toutehave you considered - Who would pay for these "backup" dresses in the correct size? At what point would you pull.the trigger and buy the dresses and have them altered in time if someone flaked 3 weeks before? I have been to plenty of weddings with an uneven BP. It's nothing to worry about.

Ok, I haven't said anything to anyone...was just a thought. I was thinking it was odd to ask someone to be a backup in the first place (maybe order a few extra dresses and at the last moment if it does arise ask them to step in?)....but hopefully my BM's don't flake on me (cross my fingers).

To answer Kristina, my choosing was based on my friends that are the closest to me at heart. Someone that I trust and has always been there for me through thick and thin (even though they are hard to get a hold of sometimes). I know it was probably rude of me to ask...but I did as if they could commit to being by my side on that special day (which they both said they could) but my greatest fear is them flaking on me at the last moment and I'm left with having to fix things (what I mean by fix things is, let the emcee, reverend, GM, and everyone that's directly involved with the wedding party know that they wont be there).

I wouldn't have a backup bridesmaid and if they do flake out, I wouldn't ask someone else to step in either.

Having an uneven bridal party is okay! I am having one. I have 8, FH has 7. We aren't going to try to make it even because then he would just be picking someone random.

If someone flakes out, you just need to tell one person to handle it and they will worry about it for you. It's not something you should worry about now!

Just to add...the BM that I would ask to step in (I wanted her on my court if my other girls declined when asked) if need be (NOT going to ask ahead of time nor mention this btw) is already considered a member of the grooms family (one of the groomsmen's GF).

In Hawaii its different, I for one, if asked to step in because a BM didn't show up, wouldn't be offended in anyway. Family will always take care of family no matter the circumstances.

Thank you to everyone for their feedback, I really appreciate it.

When it comes down to it, I'm not asking anyone to be a backup nor will I ask anyone to step in. I'll just see how everything goes and pray that no one flakes.

Hopefully if anyone of my BM can't make it, they call me to let me know way a head of time. I guess that's all I can hope for.

Great job taking advice we like you.. please stay. Haha

Double post.

No. Either ask to two flakes to step down and ask the other two. Or keep them in your BP and hope they step up.

While I see your response that you won't have a "backup" in the wings in case someone flakes, I do have to share that when my FH got married the first time, he had a groomsman back out at the last minute. They also had the photographer pull out 2 weeks before the wedding. He was more than a little stressed. He ran into a buddy (not in the wedding) and was catching up and venting and his friend flat out told him, if you need a groomsman, I'm your guy. Tell me what tux to get, where to get it, where to be and when and I'll be there. While I know it's harder for women to get a dress etc. you might have someone offer to step up anyway!

While I see your response that you won't have a "backup" in the wings in case someone flakes, I do have to share that when my FH got married the first time, he had a groomsman back out at the last minute. They also had the photographer pull out 2 weeks before the wedding. He was more than a little stressed. He ran into a buddy (not in the wedding) and was catching up and venting and his friend flat out told him, if you need a groomsman, I'm your guy. Tell me what tux to get, where to get it, where to be and when and I'll be there. While I know it's harder for women to get a dress etc. you might have someone offer to step up anyway!

@Jovina if they flake on your special day then they aren't your true friends. If they commit then they should honor that. Emergencies happen but other than that they should honor their commitment.