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Just Said Yes October 2021

Bachelorette party without bridal party

Leah, on July 5, 2021 at 11:20 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 10
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Hi all! So my wedding is in October and we have foregone bridesmaids and groomsmen for simplicity's sake.



The one part that has been challenging is adhering to pre wedding event etiquette. I am fully aware of the rules against throwing your own pre wedding parties & that people are not obligated to throw them for me.
My future MIL and SIL have offered to throw a shower and/or bachelorette. My mom and aunt have offered the same. I do not want a shower, but would very much enjoy a girls night/bachelorette party. However, I feel like having a parent figure throw your bachelorette is not usually done? Is this rude?
I have one sister who is making a toast and being super helpful for all wedding stuff, but did not offer to throw a bachelorette (nor is she obligated to!). My local best friend asked about what I wanted for a bachelorette a while ago, and I gave a pretty vague answer and said "oh we'll figure something out" and it never came up again.
So between these groups of people...do I let the moms plan me a bachelorette? Do I try to get my sister or best friend to get involved? Or just skip these events and wait for the wedding to celebrate
Thanks in advance!

10 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on July 7, 2021 at 3:02 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I personally disagree entirely with the etiquette that stipulates that you cannot plan your own pre-wedding parties, if anything, I think it is more presumptive and burdensome for people to have to offer to do this than simply planning these yourself. These parties may be in your honour, but people plan their own birthday parties without issue, why should this be any different? I say, if you want a bachelorette, go ahead and plan it yourself.

    Otherwise, I don’t see anything wrong with having the moms plan your bachelorette but it really depends on what you have in mind and what they’re comfortable planning. For example, my mother is planning mine (with me) but she is an absolute party animal and I couldn’t think of anyone better to be in charge of the bachelorette.

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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    There is absolutely nothing that says your moms can't throw the bachelorette--how sweet!
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  • Lauren
    Expert July 2021
    Lauren ·
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    You can 100% help plan your pre wedding events. The rule is VERY outdated. Pick what you want to do and invite who you want.
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  • Llcool_Kay
    Expert July 2021
    Llcool_Kay ·
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    We aren’t having a bridal party either. My fiancé’s best friend offered to plan his. And he did great. I planned my own but my best friends really helped execute it. I say plan it and let your friends and/or mom and aunt help out.
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  • Sara
    Expert August 2021
    Sara ·
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    I didn't pick a MoH so no one planned anything for me which honestly I would rather plan it myself anyways. I hate putting that kind of responsibility on anyone! So I planned my Bach party but my husband's aunt offered to plan a bridal shower for me and I happily said yes!
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    You can totally plan your own, especially if you aren't having a bridal party! But I came here to say, I've actually attended a bachelorette that was planned by a mom and let me tell you, it was one of the most fun ones I've been to! She chose something really unique to do because there were people under 21 that were part of the bridal party who wanted to be involved, so we did a murder mystery themed dinner and took a limo to get there. We had the option of drinking there and we had an absolute blast. So if you're okay with letting them plan it, do it!

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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    I think that rule is more 'Don't plan an event and plan for others to pay for it' type scenario.

    Such as, Bride makes all the plans for the party but mom/moh/other friend pays for it. I think if you're covering your share it's totally fine to plan your own

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  • Viviana
    Dedicated October 2022
    Viviana ·
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    I think it's totally fine to plan your own pre-wedding events!

    I planned out my "congratulatory" brunch after getting engaged and I probably will plan my own bachelorette party as well (because I love planning things and I'm not a big fan of surprises lol)! I couldn't imagine my mom or my fiancés mom planning my party - it would be so awkward lol - but that's because they are very old school and conservative lol. But, every mom is different - only you know yours Smiley smile

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  • Megan
    Expert November 2022
    Megan ·
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    I’m in the same situation, I am only having my best friend in my bridal party and she lives out of state, I told her I didn’t care about a bachelorette party and shower. My mom has offered to hold my shower. My FSIL ( my fiancé step brother’s wife) offered to throw my bachelorette party too, but I already told her she isn’t in the bridal party just because it’s a sweet gesture but we aren’t that close so it just doesn’t seem right.
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    If no one is particularly interested, you have no guests! Saying to those who previously inquired, these 3 people and yourself have asked about giving a party. I would really like a shower ( or bachelorette, bridal tea which has no presents.)
    A tea is in the English meaning, a light afternoon or evening party with small sandwiches, really a light supper. There is a long tradition of bridal teas given by the bride herself, or her family, usually sisters, aunts, or cousins. No cost to guests or gifts given, so okay with etiquette which prohibits a bride gathering presents for herself. The point is social. And that people who want to give another gift may send it to the couple or give it along with the wedding gift, so those not fond of showers and gift opening showers have another choice.
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