Attire Etiquette: Asking guests to dress in a specific color

Annie f - it's funny that you point that out. FH was involved in a fraternity all through college and I asked "is this some sorority/fraternity thing that I just don't get?" Hahha. I agreed it would look cute in pictures and the poor guy hasn't asked for much throughout this whole planning process so I said I would sit on it for a day or two. But I didn't say yes right away for a reason.

If you word of mouth it, that's too risky. What if you forget someone and they show up in pink (not black) and feel like an outsider? Also- I wouldn't want it to stress you or FH out worrying if people will dress the part.

The feel of our wedding so far has been "show up, eat fab food and drink" (no bridal party, we are paying for everything on our own, no real diva tendencies here) so I would have hated to ask guests to do anything extra, which is what I tried explaining. I did not, however, think of the possibility of someone not getting the memo and feeling any type of way about that. I would have felt awful and been the most embarrassed. Thanks for pointing that out!

I wouldn't mind it ! My bestfriend had a all white wedding and she requested all guest to wear white as well. Only a handful of guest didn't abide and they stood out like a sore thumb. If I'm not mistaken the wording read on the invitation " Optional White Attire". If it goes with the theme , such as a white party or Halloween I don't see a issue with it.

But I will say I don't feel like black is funeral attire! It's classy and most everyone looks great in it. That feels a little dated to me.

I wouldn't mind it as long as it was easy like something black.

HOWEVER: Guests are in so few of your pictures! A few ceremony shots, some dancing shots, some dinner shots. But the vast majority will be formals or of you and DH. WE even did "formal" cousin photos at our wedding and no one matched and it looked fine.

@Tina BoBina, That couple should have quit while they were ahead! It was considerate to let the guests know to be prepared for the outdoors, but matching the venue???!!!! The last thing I'd want to do is blend into the woodwork

I wouldn't mind it. I was invited to an all-white pre-wedding party and the couple wore red. I thought it was nice. But, it might depend on the region. In Miami, wearing white is pretty common, so it was something most people probably already had.

I would find this odd.

There is a proper way to do this, and it's called a theme wedding/party.

For example, you could throw a "Black and White Wedding" and ask all guests to come attired in those colors (in that case, I would expect the bride to be in a red dress).

A fried of mind plans to throw a masquerade ball, so she can easily dictate guest attire.

I saw photos of a wedding where the entire wedding party and officiant dressed as fairytale characters (wizards, warlocks, the bride was a princess) but the guests were all dressed casually. Their wedding photos were incredibly strange with that mix of costumed and regular people.

If I didn't have a color dress that you wanted me to wear I definitely would not go out and buy a new dress just for your wedding. Don't ask people to do this.

Have couples really run out of things to worry about so they have to worry about this?

I think it's great to let people know if they're going to be outside, on funny terrain, or on the sand, but jeez leave it there.

Ashley, no.

You still can do it, but you look and sound like a selfish moron. Themed weddings, christ almighty.

Turns out you can call your party whatever you want, and still can't dictate the actions of other adults.

Honestly, I wouldn't really care. I own dresses in pretty much every color! Haha. But, I could see why people would give you the side-eye. We're asking for cocktail attire. That's it.

@Nastassia I think you just have to risk it. Is your dress still "bridal"?

Terrible idea. AND there will ALWAYS be someone that either didn't get the memo or didn't follow the memo. When we were looking at venues, they showed us pictures from other events. One couple did a black and white theme, one lady showed up in a RED dress. NO JOKE.

Thank you to the people who take the time to answer thoughtfully. I don't at all mind a little sarcasm or banter but damn lol some people are a bit much. Some of us are here to learn and don't claim to know everything, hence the need for forums like this.

"...easily dictate guests attire." I'm honestly not sure why anyone would be ok with that.

I really want to know who was "a bit much" for you.

I've heard of it being done more and more, but I also have attended a number of events where the dress is a certain color. It's not just weddings. I don't have a issue with it, but it's always been a matter of asking people to dress in Black or white. But the requests don't get more specific than that. If someone asked me to wear a outfit of a certain length, that would be harder to accommodate than black and white. As for pink, that's a color a lot of people don't own. If you are going to request that everyone wear a certain color, I'd go for something more basic.

Young cousin of mine posted pictures from a wedding where the grooms asked everyone to wear white. You know your guests and family better than anyone, You need to decide on what they would be ok with.

BTW- when I set up my wedding I was asked my about 10 people what color I was asking people to wear. So this may not be as taboo as some think.