Attendance for bridesmaids

I expect my bridesmaids to attend the rehearsal. Obviously if they can't I wouldn't fire them or anything lol. They don't need to stay for the dinner part but at least the actual rehearsal.....and the wedding

Yeah, you can't require attendance. And there is just so much shit to be AT these days.

BMs are expected to be at the bachelorette, which is often an overnight with a plane ride, the shower, the RD, and it doesn't end there. It seems they also have to go to at least some of: an engagement party, the being-asked-to-be-bridesmaids party, a bridal luncheon, shopping for the dress, watching the dress get fitted, picking up the finished dress from the fucking shop, the wedding party mixer, the horrible sleep-deprived adult slumber party the night before the wedding and the buddymoon.

It's a lot, especially for women who have busy lives. And if multiple people in their lives are getting married at once? It becomes their whole world and they burn out fast.

Required is too strong a word, want and encourage absolutely

I'm not going to lie I expected my local bridesmaids to be at the shower they threw and the bachelorette both of which were planned around everyone's schedule and budget (I won our bachelorette trip/staycation). I would have been disappointed if they hadn't come unless there was a good excuse (sick, sick kids, work emergency, family emergency, etc.) I did not expect the out of state bridesmaids to come to those or for the local bridesmaids to come to the one in my hometown.

All of my bridesmaids are invited to all events and they can chose what events they attend. Of course, except the wedding, that's the only event where mandatory attendance is required lol

I mean I can understand you WANTING them to be there, but you should absolutely not expect them to come to everything.

One of my BMs couldn't make it to anything prior to the wedding or even stay with us the night before because she's from out of town and has her own life priorities. I never once got upset with her and certainly never made her feel bad about it.

All that is required of bridesmaids is to show up for the rehearsal (if you're having one - so they know what to do at the ceremony the next day), then show up at the ceremony, on time, wearing the correct outfit. Anything above that is a bonus.

I'm not requiring mine to do anything except attend the rehearsal (as long as they have no travel complications; all seven live in different cities/states) and show up the morning of the wedding in the dress I decided on. They shouldn't be required to do more than that.

I'd love to have a bridal shower and bachelorette party and have everyone attend, but considering none of them live here I have to be realistic and know that my wedding events aren't important enough for them all to request off several days of work and pay to fly several times. That's just how it is. Even if people were here, you need to be realistic in that everyone has their own lives and may have things going on. If they wanna be there and it's a priority for them, and they have the time and money, then they will.

I wanted all my bridesmaids to attend everything , but they have lives too. Especially if they can't afford to participate in all of the festivities....

How kind to allow grown women to choose if they want to attend something that costs them money.

Attendance? Like it's school?

Get a grip kiddo.

I'm letting them come to whatever they can and want to. In fact my MOH is missing my bridal shower because her sister's bachelorette is the same weekend.

I live 200 miles away from my family/ where the wedding is. My MOH and a BM live in my hometown and 2 BMs live by me. There will be 2 bridal showers in my hometown and 1 nearish where I live. I've asked them each to make 1 bridal shower, it doesnt matter which. My bachelorette will be in my hometown and a BM is not coming bc she had family stuff, I'm upset because the date of the bachelorette was planned first and she has already bailed out of a few other things. My rehearsal dinner is Friday before my Saturday wedding and the 2 BMs that live near me I wouldn't be offended if they couldn't make it in time. Especially when I thought it was going to have to be that Thursday. One of the girls I teach with and I know we don't get many days off and she has volunteered to take Friday before the wedding off and I'm extremely grateful for that.

Nope... the only think I ASKED them to be at was a girls night at my house I arranged for them to get to know each other with MOH and even then it was arranged at a time when all 4 could make it and had some movies/games for their kids (MOH and one BM have a son and a daughter that are about the same age - both girls are 4 and both boys are 7)

Nope, not required at all. If they make it great, if not, that's totally fine too. I realize their world doesn't revolve around my wedding and that they have busy lives of their own.

If you are requiring them to be at every event then you should be paying for it if it is a cost associated with it.

Nope! They were all invited and they all came. If something would have come up, I would have been understanding. There are no requirements, but obviously they know these events are important and they play a big role in those events.

No. Not at all.

If they can’t attendmoat of these events that ARE important, then they basically can be replaced. Because you agreeing to be MY bridesmaid, you’re saying “yes I’ll be there for the Bridal shower, bachelorette party, bridesmaids dress fittings, rehearsals”. especially when I’m giving you the dates and times WEEKS/MONTHS in advance. There’s no excuse. I get if it’s last minute and you’re unavailable but if you’re aware and know the times - you have sooooooooo much to make arrangements and request off. I don’t mind replacing people 🤷🏾‍♀️ Don’t say yes if you can be apart of the bridal party events. That simple.

You can't require anything but the wedding, but it's rude on their end if they flake out. If you agree to be in the wedding, you are agreeing to the responsibilities that come with it. I understand if they can't make every event, but they should be making an effort. At the bare minimum they should be in the loop and making the rehearsal unless they have a really extenuating circumstance, since the rehearsal is needed to make things run smoothly on the day of. (If it's just a dinner not an actual run through of the ceremony, than it becomes optional). I would never agree to be in someones wedding unless I really wanted to be a part of it, and would make all efforts to show up when needed, within reason. (Obviously if you live out of state or something then that's a different situation also)

I required the wedding rehearsal and wedding only because they need to know how the ceremony is gonna go and those details. I expressed how important it was to me to have them at other events, but those were optional - as life comes up. You unfortunately cannot dictate their lives, but you can express to them how you want them to be there.