Assign duties to wedding party?

You can ask one of your bridesmaids to make sure your veil and dress train are looking good during the day... ask someone to hold the rings. Ask someone to speak at your ceremony. There's a bunch of non offensive "duties" that one would ask of their bridal parties.

Oh God no. Anytime the word "duties" and "wedding party" come together these forums explode! I would ask maybe for "favors" on the day of... and I asked a while ago and it's not anything that would require a whole lot of extra work on anyone's behalf.

--Before everyone goes and tells me I'm an awful bride, here's the thing- they've all asked and wanted roles in the wedding. It's not a novel concept for me, I always asked my friends the same when I was in their weddings. So, before I get my head virtually chopped off this is what I mean- one of my bridesmaids will have my head piece which is actually her headpiece (it's my something borrowed) and she's going to help me switch from veil to headpiece. She then offered to hold on to the veil. The other has her son in the wedding as a ring bearer, and she's appointed herself in charge of the little ones, the ring bearer and the flower girl... That takes a HUGE stress off me. (Can I tell you I love my BP?) It's little stuff like that, mostly logistics that we've talked about. I appreciate anything they do at this point. Actually I appreciate it even more because they are really wanting to help much more beyond the "get the dress and be sober." Well, except for the one who is MIA- lol. We'll see what happens I guess...

Here's to hoping this doesn't ruffle up too many feathers-

Love you too, Magill! I'll divert your demons any time!

@Anna B, there's a difference between your wedding party VOLUNTEERING to do things and you TELLING them to do things, whether they like it or not. It seems like you aren't treating your wedding party as employees. No one has a problem with that. However, there are way too many posts where the bride wants to ruin friendships because the bridesmaid didn't want to take a day (or days) off work to hot glue gun together some ugly centerpieces or some other nonsense.

ETA: spelling

I understand that, but it's still assigning them things to do- the only difference is that they are asking. I still have to find things for them to do to feel included without crossing the line. My response was addressing that difference.

I know WW has a task for "assigning duties". I think the problem is that for some people part of the "duty" is planning the wedding- whether that involves hot gluing stuff or whatever.

My wedding party consists of those I'm closest to and they asked/told me they wanted duties. Well rather they wanted to know what to do and they know I have OCD/anxiety and like things in lists/order, so they wanted me to assign each one their parts.

Don't think of it as assigning duties, think of it as asking for favors. Your bridal party should be your closest friends and family, and if you need something--and you truly need it, you're not just trying to outsource for cheap labor--then ask for a favor. But don't ask for anything you would not gladly do for a friend at her wedding. Also, remember these are the people you want to celebrate with--- and if you "assign them duties" all night they won't be on the dance floor with you!

So.... I asked my MOH if she wouldn't mind being secondary point of contact (doc will be numero uno) for my vendors... I asked her though (no assigning) and she said yes. She thinks she should be doing more for me but I'm like what? I'd like her to hang out with me the night before that's about it. Her "duty" is to be my best friend which is all I need.

You do realize that Wedding Wire is identified as a computer software company -- one that was created because the CEO saw a niche -- getting vendors to pay advertising dollars to potentially connect with random brides and grooms. That's what this whole site is about (No, Virginia, there is no Santa Clause). The forums? If you think they're the big money maker on this site, think again. Advertising packages are the big money maker, and they aren't cheap. They aggressively seek them (I know that, for a fact). WW hires people to write content that will appeal to every bride, etiquette be damned (well, I think they advocate thank you cards, so there's that...), so take it for what it's worth, OP.

As far as your question, raised because you "got attitude" on your last post and are back for an appeal, "since the new age brides can do everything what duties am I assigning?" The answer is simple, new age brides (just like their old age predecessors) can do anything they want, if they can pay for it. And guess what? All of those "duties" you think you can hand to your friends? Well, there are people, people called "vendors", and they'll do them for you with a great attitude, on time, and far more beautifully and professionally than any of your beleaguered BMs (a/k/a FRIENDS), will do them. The catch? Well, like everything else in this life, you gotta pay for what you want, or you have the option of doing it yourself.

I think the idea is you shouldn't treat your BMs poorly because it's your wedding.

At the same time, I'm definitely asking my moh for help with my train and to do a toast as an example. If she didn't want to, I would understand but I'm certainly planning out those details and requesting her involvement.

I think people get into trouble when they assign "duties" like, you must throw me a destination bachelorette trip and you must diy my wedding with me. That's just not reasonable and the bride comes off as unappreciative.

I've actually wondered why the apps checklist includes this as well.

People on these forums get very uptight very quickly when sometimes people have legit questions.

I don't think any "duties" need to be assigned other than maybe discussing with a family member about what to do with your dress or gifts or any day of plans your BMs need to be aware of like being at the venue a certain time