Asking someone to be a non-bridesmaid

Honestly, I'd pass. It's a nice sentiment but if you're going to start dictating what they wear then you might as well just have a bridal party. I'd write a heart felt card telling them how much their friendship has meant to you instead.

Asking someone to be an attendant in your wedding is an honour, if you're not having attendants, then you don't need to "fill the gap".

If you want attendants, have them. They are not obligated to throw you parties and you are not obligated to accept them. If they accept being attendants, then you can tell them how to dress, not so much as guests.

I don't get the point of this.

Just have them as guests.

They are already special; they're invited. There shouldn't be levels of 'specialess'.... every guest should be one you want there because of their place in your life.

Don't make it any more complicated than it will inevitably get. Take the photos, take time to tell them each how much they mean to you, but if your goal is to simplify, this is going in the wrong direction.

I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding. how can i invite him as "just a guest" to my own? that's why i think there needs to be a happy medium between "just a guest" and "wedding party".

I skipped the bridal party, and had similar feelings as you. I did mention to them that I was choosing not to have a BP. I also don't hesitate to tell them how important they are to me. My absolute best friend (would have been MOH) was bummed until her sister got engaged. Then she was relieved lol. I'm still taking photos with them, and my BFF will be with me all morning (she really wanted to be, and I'm so thankful for that). I did decide to get her a few gifts to say thank you.

This sounds like "runner up" stuff. Either they're you're wedding party, or they're guests. If you're eloping, then there's no BP. Receptions don't have attendees that are more meaningful than others

I don't see the point in this. If you aren't having a bridal parties, just invite them as guests.

I only had my sister stand with me, and DH had his brother.

When I got ready my best friend was still there, and she came to all of my pre-wedding events without any title other than amazing friend.

Asking them to wear something specific means you're basically asking for a bridal party.

It's not payback time; you do what you want to do without, "well, they did this, now I have to do that..."

And if someone feels like "just a guest".....they don't belong on the list.

If they are special enough that you don't feel they can "just be guests," then have a bridal party. This sounds more like you want the perks of one without paying for the associated costs.

If you aren't even having a public wedding ceremony, I don't see how they would be at all upset if they aren't asked to be in your wedding... because you aren't having a wedding ceremony/bridal party. I think you're creating a problem where there isn't one.

By saying that there aren't levels of "specialness", then can someone explain why you have a bridal party at all? not a criticism, just trying to understand how singling out particular friends to stand by your side isn't indicating that they are "more special" than others.

i'm not sure what "perks" i would be receiving by telling a few friends that they would be standing with me had we decided to do something more traditional? i mentioned i have no expectations for a shower or bachelorette party.

i do agree about the dress code, so would forego this idea.

I was originally planning to do this when we were planning to elope and then have a party with family/friends. I think it depends on your friendships. My girls are more like sisters to me and they all said they were getting matching dresses even if I only had a Party. I wouldn't ask them to buy dresses or anything but maybe mention the blue idea and see what they think.

Invite everyone to the wedding. People do this all the time without BP's; my wedding last night did. 'Frankly, I'm on the fence with BP's at all.....

When you consider the amount of money it costs to be in a BP, and you see the trauma posted here (I'm not saying you'll be like this....), the broken expectations.....

it really just makes things more complicated and for them, it's confusing.

I would skip and just invite them as guests.

I'm only having a MOH for my wedding, no full bridal party. I told my other closest friends that I wasn't having a bridal party, so that they wouldn't be hurt thinking that I had one and they weren't included. My MOH is planning to throw me a bachelorette party and will be inviting those other friends that would have been in my bridal party. I'll probably give them some type of little thank you gift if they attend.

I think your idea of asking them to be your "something old" is cute. I don't see anything wrong in honoring your closest friends in a different way than a bridal party.

If you want them to be distinct from guests, ask them to be in the bridal party and be done with it. There is no practical difference between what you are proposing and having bridesmaids.

Lots of people are wedding party members in a wedding and don't ask the bride or groom to be in their wedding party. If it were tit for tat, the same people would be in every wedding party.

It sounds to me like you are more concerned about hurt feelings than actually having a bridal party. You are ok with them not being there at all if you decide to elope, but if you have a larger wedding, you want 8 people by your side??

"if I was a having a wedding in town I totally would have asked you to be a bridesmaid." I don't understand the purpose of what you want to do. If you're having a reception/celebration, you could ask them to get ready with you. And ask them to be in pictures with you. No I don't think its ok to ask them to wear something specific.