Asking SIL with disability to be in wedding

Usually siblings are in the wedding, anyway, so it wouldn't be too strange. Also, someone would be having to assist her regardless, right? So where will that person be the day of the wedding? Could they be her attendant for the night? I know it might be an extra person, but that person could also take her home if she gets tired, grumpy, etc... I work with people with disabilities. It can be done.

Also, thank you for saying "intellectual disability". It's a new term and a lot of people have yet to adopt it. Just nice to see it

So first off let me say I have a son with mental disabilities so I am coming from this from a very biased point of view .

You wrote that your FH has always said he would love to have his sister as a bridesmaid. To me that speaks volumes about your FH and shows what a remarkable and wonderful man you are marrying. I am going to be blunt now, make it work. This is the man you are pledging your love and life to if this is that important to him do it. You can have uneven bridal parties. That shouldn't be an issue. Regardless of if she is in the wedding or a guest someone will have to care for her, so I don't see the point there. She is a member of his family, and soon to be yours. Have one of your bridesmaids go down the aisle with her. Let her be a part of this special day for her brother.

I would ask her. Who cares if your bridal party is uneven and it means a lot to your FH. Besides she has feelings and would probably be upset if you didn't include her.

All of what Ali said. Part of the wedding is about families unifying. It seems like it would mean a lot to your FH and most likely your FSIL. I would definitely ask her to be in your bridal party. ETA: His sister is clearly a very important part of his life, and this could be an opportunity for you and your FSIL to bond and grow closer.

Who cares is the sides are uneven. Honestly is it would mean that much yo your fh i say go for it. Btw i thinl it is a testament to how great, mature, and family oriented your fh is and those are traits worth celebrating and encouraging.

Put her in the wedding.

Yes! She can totally be on the grooms side too

But definitely include her somehow. Your FH sounds like a thoughtful sweet person.

Thank you all. I think I was thinking about it too much. Especially because he has 5 sisters and I have 3 of my own. It literally just isn't in our budget or venue to have each one of them there as bridesmaids. I think I was starting to think it was wrong of me to be asking her purely because she has a disability when not all of the others will be in the wedding even though I'm probably closer to some of the others. FH will also not be having my brother as one of his groomsmen because they aren't close (I had actually planned on having him as one of my bridesmen since he is important to me more than he is to my FH).

Must add I have suggested to my FH that he has her on his side while I have my brother on mine and he is against it.

There you go. Your brother could be your bridemen and his sister could be his groomswomen. You both will be able to pick whoever closest to you to stand by your side on your big day.

I think it will be beautiful!

Thanks Lynsey. I completely agree. I understand she is family but like for my brother I don't even want him on my FHs side because he is there for me. But I'd be so excited for FH to have her as his groomswoman. She is perfectly lovely, I just think she too would see it as a pity invite when she would know I'm closer with one of her sisters that won't be a bridesmaid. I just need to try again to see if he would be willing to reconsider her as a brideswoman!

I would definitely include her and agree with what everyone above said, if it's important to your FH then it's important to you too

I agree with @Elphaba and @Ouida. I mean, if you aren't particularly close to her, he should have her on his side. It'll be more special for them as siblings to share that bond, I think. And if you have her on your side but not his other sisters, I feel like that's a little too much of a "she has his sister because she has a disability" feeling. But that's just me. I don't have any of FH's sisters in my BP due to budget and not having particularly meshing personalities with them.

I think you should both get to decide the people that you are closets to. Or just have all the siblings and make it the worlds biggest bridal party. If she has four other sisters she will most likely get to be a bridesmaid more than once so I don't think she will be missing out.

I promise you, that her being in the wedding would mean more to her and to your FH, that her not being in it means to you.

If it is important to him to include her, suggest she be a groomswoman. I think it would be good to find a way to include her (and the rest of the siblings) - attendants on both sides, ushers, readers, etc. I couldn't imagine including one sibling and not another.

Why doesn't he want her as a groomswoman?

Why doesn't he want your brother as a bridesman?

Why can't she be a grooms woman? I feel like if you're not close to get at all it will seem weird/ like you're only asking her because of her disability, which could be really insulting. Absolutely have her be part of the wedding party- she can wear the same dress, etc as the BMs but each of you should have those you're closest too in the party.

I have a question...my niece is the same, she can't walk, talk, or basically do anything for that matter. I want to have her in my wedding as a bridesmaid (my brother and my other niece will walk her down). I know my wedding is supposed to be all about me and my husband, But I want her to have a shining moment as well as us. I grew up living with her and she is my #1 girl, my best friend! Could you give me any ideas on how to incorporate her into my wedding other than just being a bridesmaid? Thank you