Asking father if he will be helping pay

You don't, if he offers then awesome but plan on paying for it yourself until you get money on your hand

If he doesn't offer, I wouldn't bring it up. I do get that it's hard with divorced parents, especially when you're not close.

My parents actually specified wedding contribution amounts in their divorce agreement, so I knew 15 years ago what they'd contribute. That being said, I refused to take my mom's money and instead she's covering the hotel rooms for my siblings.

Per usual I have the UO. Lol. Ask. If he says no, keep it moving. You're not expecting him to pay, but asking him based on childhood memories you have (if you feel the need to justify asking). You can say that there's no pressure. You know your relationship best. If you think your father is going to have a "how rude. The nerve" type of response then don't ask. But if he's laid back, he'll just tell you yes or no. I come from a family that if we need something financially we ask as a last resort so asking for money isn't easy but nor is a big deal. And no, I'm not saying you, me, or anyone "needs" the money for this cause. It's just that we can't know all of your family dynamics. My advice is based on my family dynamics.

Next time he asks about your wedding plans (where you are getting married/what food/size/etc.), say "I'm not sure, we're trying to decide on a budget before planning anything." If he says "oh good I wanted to talk about that!" then you likely have some good news coming your way. If he doesn't say anything, you have your answer, so just politely change the subject.

personal anecdote: My parents didn't say anything about paying so I assumed they wouldn't. We started planning a very small wedding. One day my parents were talking about all their friends coming. I said, "we really don't want to spend that much on the wedding so no family friends." The looked at me so confused and said, "Wait, why would you be spending a lot? blah blah blah" They had just assumed they'd be paying even though they never offered or said anything lol.

Lyla that was perfect! Thank you so much for sharing!

In some families it may be clear they will pay for the wedding. There is an advantage that they then can invite the guests they want -- often celebrating the marriage with longtime friends. That earlier post showed the parents expecting to pay but never mentioned it. Then some couples, especially getting married later in life, want to be more independent and remain in control of the planning.