Asking father if he will be helping pay

I wouldn't ask him for money just wait until he offers. But in my culture we have sponsors so they made it clear who is paying for what right after the news spread.

We didn't ask/expect anyone to help us. If our families offered and asked us to talk about the details so they can call dibs on what they wanted to pay for or talk about how much they can contribute, then cool. I think asking may put someone in a position to feel obligated to something they may not financially be able to commit to.

Maybe I was super rude, but I just asked how they wanted to do it? If they were willing to help or not. I have a very good relationship with both my parents and they were glad they didn't have to bring it up! I just said, "I'm starting our budget and I was wondering if you guys were wanting to help out at all?" They seemed fine with it!

You don't ask, that's rude!

You should never ask. Pay for your own wedding.

People will offer you money if they want to offer you money.

You don't ask, even if they are your parents.

But just remember: money comes with strings attached.

Natalie i must be the only one who doesn't think what you just said was SUPER WEIRD! but i get where you are coming from. I have a very close relationship with my parents, too, so i would not feel weird asking them that.

unfortunately, they aren't financially strong, so i am paying for it ( and my fiancée)

My parents adamantly refused to pay for the wedding. It was kind of funny. I didn't ask but my mom just started talking about it being an unnecessary expence and neither she nor my dad were into big productions. That's fine though. I think she needed validation and I'm kind of relieved because now she has no say over the guest list (yay small weddings!)

For me his parents and my parents met together and made the decision to pay the costs of the church, catering, bar and reception venue. They told us at a family meeting when we set the date and paid the downpayments for the church and reception venue. We are responsible for everything else.

You don't. You dad is an adult. He knows how to give you money. Don't count on it until you have a check in hand.

Don't ask. It's rude.

@Natalie, my mom and I have an especially close relationship where we are very blunt and honest with each other without any recourse or negativity. We talk about all sorts of things that are usually taboo - hell, we even did our estate planning together lately. I've never met anyone else with that kind of relationship but you and your parents sound like one of them. I think that kind of relationship trumps a stranger's perceptions over appropriateness. If OP has to ask how to ask though, it's not that kind of relationship.

I'd never ask my dad.

I would never ask for money from my parent. It's up to you and your FH to pay for your wedding.

I guess it's rude to "ask," but I also grew up eating other people's leftovers and not writing thank you notes unless I was forced to, etiquette be damned.

I think politely asking if he would like to contribute is fine. It's different than demanding. If I hadn't discussed with my dad, I'm not sure he would have told me about the $20k that he had saved for my wedding. But my dad is weird like that. You know your parents best. Do what you feel is right.

I never asked because we plan on paying for our wedding. Recently, my mother called saying she had been waiting for my call to request for funds bc she wants to help, even if it is a small amount. I graciously thanked her for her generosity and said I would never call her for money. Ultimately, not attempting to have that convo with my mom disappointed her bc she wanted me to bring up that topic. I think talking about your plans with your dad will give him the opportunity to offer or even start thinking about it but I wouldn't expect it to happen right then. I know if my dad was still here, he would need some processing and planning time before committing.

Why would you ask? If they offer is different, but you should plan your wedding with your own budget not everyone else's

We don't have a very great relationship which is why I feel so weird by it. But growing up they always made little remarks about when I get married how things will be. I am the only girl of 5. I'm sure this was more of my mom than my dad saying those kinds of things. If they weren't divorced I would know what they would want to spend together. He is the type of person if you don't ask you don't know. I don't feel it would be rude to ask if he wants to help pay for anything I just am nervous about it. I'm having a very small wedding family only. 40 ppl tops. I love crafts so this is a diy wedding. I have the money set aside that we want to spend. I'm not worried about having the money to pay for the wedding because I know that my mom and her family will make up for what I can't pay and I can pay them back. (That would only be worst case in an emergency) my family is the type that we always help each other. We are very close. Sorry this is long. I also appreciate everyone's point of view and feedback!

I asked my dad if he was going to buy dress or if it was something I needed to budget for. THE ONLY reason I did that is because years ago he had told me that when I got married he would pay for it. When I sat down with them to work on my budget (they helped me figure out how much I needed to save for each area) I simply said "hey dad, did you still want to get my dress or should I add it to my budget. I'm okay with either way."

I haven't asked him if he's going to help me with anything else and I'm not going to either.

ETA: I only asked because I needed to know if the money that I had planned for the dress could be used for other categories or if it needed to be saved for the dress. If we hadn't discussed it years ago, I never would have asked now.

I would definitely have a conversation with him about it especially if their have been conversations or things said before that would make you feel like he would want to contribute. My FH and I plan on paying for everything ourselves and I don't expect my parents to help, my mom is already doing our engagement pictures and letting us use her backyard for the ceremony and my dad said he would grow a bunch of extra pumpkins, gourds, and other decorations for us to use.