Asking bridal party with gifts

You should know your friends. As soon as I got engaged, I told my best friend "by the way, you are my maid of honor" and that was it. She said "just tell me what you need!" I did clarify that she could decline if she wanted but she was like "no way, I'm there" but we kind of always just assumed it would be the other and so that's the way it was. I did not give her a gift or a card or an elaborate proposal of sorts.

American society is super materialistic and society/consumer companies are always coming up with ways to make us feel like we need more stuff and stuff is the answer to everything. That's why "promposals" are a thing and "will you be my bridesmaid?" gifts have become a thing. Why do something simply and inexpensively on it when there is consumer money to be spent?

You don't have to do it if you don't want to, and hopefully the girls you are asking to be your bridesmaids will "get you" and understand whatever you decide to do. I'm not the type of person who is going to have a half dozen parties for my wedding (engagement, bridal shower, bachelorette, rehearsal, wedding ceremony, reception, morning after brunch) nor am I the type to have flip-flops, sashes, tiaras, t-shirts, and robes that say "Bride" emblazoned across them. It makes sense for your asking style to reflect your bridal style and what you are expecting from your maids. I'm a low fuss bride and my MOH only needs to get a dress, show up, and give me advice via texts. I don't want showers, an extravagant bachelorette, or have super specific demands, therefore not giving her a gift wasn't a big deal. If you are a bride expecting your bridesmaids to help you pick out your whole outfit, you want them to buy and wear specific expensive dresses and shoes, you expect them to help you plan, and want them to organized and attend parties for you and buy you gifts, etc, then I think a gift is appropriate. I also think its really important to have clear expectations of your maids and have a conversation about how much of their time and money will be involved before they commit to being in your wedding. Too many people get wrapped up in the idea and then stressed out after, when maids don't have enough time to help the bride, or the bride expects them to spend hundreds of dollars on the most hideous and unflattering dresses they've ever seen.

Other things to consider: Giving gifts can put more pressure on the person being asked to commit, and being a bridesmaid can be expensive and a lot of work. Some people would probably rather not, but I think it's more difficult to say "no" or have a frank conversation about it when the bride already bought you a present. Plus in the excitement of getting a beautifully wrapped gift, someone may say "yes" without really thinking it through or without a deeper conversation happening.

Whether you gift or not, I think it's good to not expect an answer right away, and give the maids at least a week to think about it and for you and them to talk about what you envision their involvement looking like before anyone makes a commitment.

If you are using your wedding party as an opportunity to get to know your FSIL better or are thinking of including someone you don't know as well, and you weren't planning on doing gifts, then I'd err on at least giving them a thoughtful card as a part of a bigger conversation about asking them to join your bridal party. That way it seems like a really intentional ask, and you aren't totally bucking their expectation if they are the type for whom gift giving/receiving is the norm.

I didn’t get gifts to ask. I just texted “hey. I’m engaged. Wanna be a bridesmaid?” Lol. I have gifts for them for the actual day though.

I didn’t give gifts when I asked. I’m buying them something to give them at the rehearsal dinner, but definitely not when I asked them.

Everyone asks on their own way. You can even get them a small card and personalize it and I’m sure they’d be grateful

I'm only having my best friend as Matron of Honor, and my fiance's 3yo daughter will be our flower girl. I'm planning to buy my MOH some nail polish in one of the wedding colors and send it to her with a gift note being the "proposal."

I didn’t do gifts. Just had a conversation telling them how important they are to me and asked if they would be my moh/bm. They all were ecstatic. No gift necessary. But I do plan to get gifts for them when the big day comes as a thank you.

So this is how I asked 3 of my girls! The wine glasses came from the dollar section at target so it was $1.50, each, socks were $3, wine was $2 and the nail polish was $1! 2 of my bridesmaids don’t drink so instead of the wine glasses I did a coffee mug and one of those iced Starbucks drinks. Those were about it the same price. I also got them bride tribe make up bags from Amazon for $4 each.


You don’t have to spend a lot or even anything! I only did because it’s something I have fun doing. 4 of my BMs knew that they were going to be BMs before I even asked and had already told me or implied they would love to do it. One of my (potential) BMs I haven’t actually asked yet and she just had a newborn and 3 new step kids and is in the military, so she has a ton on her plate. Before I give her the gift I’m going to talk with her about it first just so there’s no pressure to say yes! For my sister I just gave her the gift and asked At the same time because she knew it was coming. I get why PPs said it can be a bad idea to do gifts or do it in groups, etc., but it’s kind of a know your crowd type of thing. FH asked all his groomsmen together with gifts because he knew that this would be the most fun for all of them.

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Do not feel pressured to do this! I called / texted people, and they all had already assumed since they are close friends family. Save the money and buy champagne with it instead to drink together as you get ready!

I am currently in this process as well. I did see manny cute cost effective ideas on pinterest! you should take a look.

View Quoted Comment This is such a mature & refreshing comment, thank you!

I did gifts. I got them each a bracelet, a bag, and a stemless champagne glass. I also made handmade cards, each one custom to the person. I don’t think it’s necessary, but it was something I wanted to do and I think my people appreciated it. But really it’s whatever you want to do and if they are offended they probably shouldn’t have been in the wedding in the first place. But being in a wedding is a decent financial burden so I think you should at least give thank you gifts.

I was going to do it. My mom talked me out of it. Saved me money.

I just made my matron of honor box! I truly am for the gift box- comes across as you put effort like you put effort in your friendship. It’s super thoughtful and I think your friends will appreciate the little gifts. If you keep the gifts small such as a coozie, personalized mug or glass, and a wine stopper - you can for sure keep it under $25. Hope this helps! Added my photo for inspiration ❤️

I didn't do a gift when I asked my party. However, I am going to be buying them jewelry for the wedding day as their bridal party gifts.

I didn't do a bridal party proposal box. I personally think they're silly and over the top. I'm also not one to give a crap what the norm is.


I just asked them if they would like to be in the wedding..and expressed how I felt. They will get gifts the day of the wedding.

I had a party with bridesmaids and groomsmen, we gave each person a small gift and also provided food and drinks for the party. I thought it was great to get everyone in the wedding party together since not everyone knew each other. I don’t see the need to go over the top for this, these people are already the closest people to you.

I put my bridal party in a group chat titled bridal party 😅 to be fair my bridesmaids are my two sisters my cousin and my best friend so it was well discussed before hand

It is not required! I did because I wanted to and most of our party is family. But I have yet too be in a wedding where it is required.

I think the bridesmaid proposal box fad thing is a bit weird... I've read some of what people gave as boxes in the convo and those sounds very sweet though... I think it depends how you go about it. If it's some contrived thing, it seems very impersonal and just additional stress for no reason.
My SIL just asked me straight out and I was so happy. Nothing else necessary. But then after a long day of setup day before the wedding (it was a very DIY wedding) she gave all her bridesmaids a sweet thank you card, cute satin pajamas, and a gift card. It felt more like an appreciation for our effort and commitment, which we had put in at that point.
In the beginning, your bridesmaids haven't even done anything yet. Lol 😅