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Super June 2012

Asking a Bridesmaid to step down - UPDATE

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Sara, on January 12, 2012 at 11:09 AM

Posted in Planning 23

A couple weeks ago or so I posted about how one of my BMs had fallen off the face of the planet (I haven't seen or spoken to her since early November) and how she wasn't responding to any calls, texts, emails, etc.... Well, Monday I left her a voicemail telling her that I needed to talk to her about...

Well, Monday I left her a voicemail telling her that I needed to talk to her about the wedding and I needed to hear from her by Wednesday and I once again expressed concern that she was MIA and told her we missed her. Well, she never called. So I spoke to my FH when he got home from work and he put his foot down and said that she was causing unneccessary stress and that she is no longer a BM and that it is a mutual decision so I shouldn't feel bad. So we typed up a long message to her and sent it. She responded almost immediately via mesage saying that she was upset and she understood and I thought that was that...well I went to bed and my phone started blowing up with FB messages from her telling me how insensitive I am for kicking her out and how all CONT

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23 Comments

Super June 2012
Sara · on January 12, 2012 at 6:36 PM
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If things had worked out as planned with this BM no I probably would have not asked someone else. We had planned for a briddal party of 6 (1 MOH and 2BM, 1 BM and 2GM).

It wasn't a decision that was made lightly, but it's reached the point where we need to order BM dresses and I can't plan a day for us to go if she wouldn't respond to any form of communication I wasn't going to hold things up any more than they already were. I just don't want my girls to have to go through what I went through with my sister where we had to pay a rush fee for our dresses.

Plenty of people have had to replace bridal party members for one reason or another, if someone asked me to replace someone I wouldn't feel like a second choice, I would be flattered just to be picked since I feel it takes a certain level of trust to put someone in your bridal party.
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Master April 2012
krisalicious · on January 12, 2012 at 7:23 PM
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Sara, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about your decision. I'm sure you agonized about it and I think it was totally reasonable. My expectations of a BM are to get the right outfit and show up on time. If someone doesn't respond to you for 2 months and the dress deadline is coming up fast, I think they're taking themselves out of the bridal party. So I wouldn't feel guilty about what happened with this girl.

I would still feel differently about asking people to replace other people....I asked the core people I wanted around me without regard to the WP being even or having a certain # of people. So based on that, if I asked someone after the fact, it would be an afterthought. If you chose your WP for different reasons, I can see how it would be different. That's just my perspective.

I hope your planning is stress-free from here on out! Let us know how it goes with your other friend!
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Super June 2012
Sara · on January 13, 2012 at 1:26 AM
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The other girl accepted and couldn't be more excited :-)

Unfortunately, I don't think things ended as well as I thought with the BM I asked to step down. I noticed tonight that she unfriended my FH, me and the rest of the bridal party and all of our friends. That seems childish to me to tell me everything is fine and that it's probably a good idea and then pull a "look at me" type thing like this. I loathe drama. If this is how she wants to be fine, but I'm not going to indulge her temper tantrum and call her. This is not how you get attention. I'm done with it and I'm about thisclose to taking her off the guest list all together.
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