Asking a Bridesmaid to step down - UPDATE

She ever wanted to do was help and how it wasn't fair that I was doing this and how she's been busy and sick and yada yada yada. She said she never received any of my calls or emails or texts and I shouldn't hold her responsible for not responding.

I politely responded and told her the email address and number that I used (which she confirmed were correct) and simply stated that I need someone reliable who can return a simple phone call and how I've had other people try to contact her as well to no avail. Finally after an hour or so of back and forth she did a 180 and said that it was for the best and she wishes me luck and I probably wouldn't want a "fat bridesmaid anyways" since she's trying to conceive. I already have one pregnant BM so I don't know how to take her comments. She hadn't told anyone that she was trying to conceive (last we heard her relationship with her husband was on the rocks). But anyways its done, we seem fine I guess we'll see how it goes

I commend your fiance for helping you make a tough decision! She'll get over it...she's just upset because she thought she could get away with doing nothing but still reap the benefits. You called her bluff so she's embarassed. Just move forward with your wedding plans and don't stress over this petty stuff Almost 5 months away!!

Sara P. ~date twin!! ~good for you and for your FH! You def made the right decision, stinks that it's less than 6 months til your wedding - been there two- we actually lost a couple so now we have 7 couples and came super close to losing my bff who is also one of my MOHs- but we got it all squared away- best of luck and I'm sure you would kick it in high gear if the situation was reversed, shame on her.

Thanks ladies! It was really hard to do, I'm not a confrontational person at all and I don't like making people upset...but it came down to her or me, I didn't want to get down to the wire and have her be late or not show up at all...June is coming up so fast!!!!

Oh wow, that's so sad she was unsupportive. How did she NOT get any of your emails, voicemails, texts, etc...that just doesn't make sense and it makes me mad knowing she's lying. Well at least your stress with her is over and done with. You definitely did the right thing and if I were you I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty. Good luck with the rest of your planning!

Yikes.

Is that behavior totally out of character for her? Funny that she got the one final message, but none of the others.

@Kris I thought the same thing. The response was almost immediate too (within 5 min) People who can't take 2 minutes to return a call, email, text whatever is a new big pet-peeve...seriously I have lots of stuff going on too (I work full time, go to school part time, work out 5 days a week and am planning a wedding!) and I still make time to return all my calls and messages, it's just plain rude....

I love when people say I never received your calls and your texts like really??? you know damn well you did! you just chose to ignore them! but yes better to get things out of the way now - no more stress! good luck with the rest of your planning

Isn't it crazy how you never hear from someone unless you tell them something they don't wanna hear? This happened to a friend of mine - she never heard from one of the BM's until she started talking about her not being in the wedding and, oh! She responded and immediately got pissy with her and got all kinds of offended.

I don't understand why people can't be more understanding about things like this and say "You know, you're right, I've been busy, stressed, etc. thank you for giving me an easy out"

I can't be mad at the decision and in hind sight I don't think she is either. In reading this I think that she really has a lot more going on then she is letting you in on. I hope that you can still be a friend to her while you are planning for wedding. Happy Planning

I can actually relate to this. We had a bridesmaid that (at the last minute) said she could not afford to be in our wedding- this is understandable, only she had known for 4 months how much everything cost and for those 4 months, she had told me she was getting her dress the following weekend. She ended up not getting it and once she would have had to "rush" her dress and pay MORE money, she said she couldn't do it. Then she turned around and said it was MY fault for ordering the dresses when I did.

Needless to say, we no longer talk.

Afterwards, we started "recruiting" for a replacement bridesmaid. I immediatly asked my cousin and she agreed...and I (still) haven't heard from her since. I had 2 other girls VOLUNTEER to be my bridesmaid and once I told them the price of the dress (<$100) they "disappeared".

We have found a replacement now. Thank goodness. But I guess by going through all of this, you find out who your friends are.

It sounds like it's for the best. If she is trying to get pregnant she may be on hormones or something that made her more emotional or irrational than normal. Hopefully it won't impact your friendship though. Good luck!

You did the right thing and the FH is a good man for helping you along the way for sure!!! =]

Thanks everyone :-)

Now I'm just hoping her replacement says yes so I can get BM dresses ordered (its the last thing I have to do!!!)

My advice on this (since I couldn't write anymore on my last comment) is don't let it bring you down. It's just one person. There are so many other important aspects of wedding planning that losing one person, overall, won't be that big of a deal. She is the one missing out, you can still get that fairytale wedding that you want without her (:

(Just to add my two cents)

Sara-there is NO doubt that your FH doesn't love you and isn't looking out for your best interests. He can tell that you were stressed out and helped you make a difficult decision. :o)

Although its an unfortunate situation, it was one that had to be done to keep the planning moving. I'm sure (no matter if they may say it or not) your other BM are happy that she is no longer involved. I was a BM in a wedding that had the same situation. It slowed everything else down, all because one person didn't want to come. My friend dealt with the same hurtful comments as you are. The person did end up still coming to the wedding and all was ok, but sometimes things work out for the best.

Thanks for all the support ladies I really appreciate it! I've been very stressed out about this, my other bridesmaid and MOH haven't been much help with planning but at least they have legitimate reasons (1 is pregnant and due at the end of February with her 1st child and my sister/MOH is planning her own wedding which is in March).

Thankfully my Mom has been my rock through this whole ordeal and has been super helpful and so has my wonderful FH :-D

I would not replace her. How long ago did you ask your original WP? I always feel like asking someone to fill in is kind of like telling them they're a runner-up friend. I wouldn't want to be a replacement BM. That's just me though.

IDK. Maybe I just have low expectations but I didn't ask my WP based on their planning skills.....I don't expect them to help with wedding planning. I feel like that's mine and FH's job.

I agree with FMRosemond, I feel like she has other stuff going on. Hope your friendship isn't damaged irreparably over this.

Happy planning!

@Kris, it's not so much the wedding planning but the stuff around it. No one stepped up to throw a shower my aunts are doing it, and none of the BMs offered to help even though my aunts were trying to plan from out of town. Both BMs originally wanted to do a bunch of DIY projects together for the wedding and make a girls day of it but nothing...

I replaced her not because she was unwilling to help, but because she was unreachable, I hadn't seen or spoken to her since Nov. 7th despite numerous attempts to contact her, I need someone more reliable as part of my BP, God forbid I kept her and she didn't show up to the wedding or something lol

The girl I am replacing her with was going to be a BM originally but she was applying to grad school and wasn't sure if she would be available, however she didn't get accepted this semester so now she's free so she's not really a "runner-up"

I wasn't directing that towards your situation in particular, I just feel like I see a lot of posts about removing BM's who aren't helping to plan, and I don't understand that mentality.

With your other friend- once you found out she was free, were you planning to ask her whether or not your original BM stayed in the wedding? I can see how that situation is different from asking someone else completely, but I still think it depends on the timing. Again, not trying to be snarky. That's just how I would feel.