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Expert November 2020

Are we crazy for doing a cash bar?

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Cheryl, on May 19, 2019 at 4:08 AM

I know, all of you are collectively sighing and 🙄, but hear me out. Below are the reasons why we think this is a good idea:
1. Several guests have been to rehab for alcohol addiction and some should.
2. FH's parents are in their mid-70's and are very Southern and very conservative. I already got a stern talking to that a wedding is about the ceremony and not a big party from FMIL. His brother was married in the church and served punch in the basement after. 😳
3. Not knowing what to expect for an average bar tab for 100 people, we don't think we can't afford it/would rather spend our money elsewhere.
4. We got engaged in February and planned for 6/20/2020, but then at the end of March, I lost my job. FH is out of work because we left DC for the new job in NC in January. He works a part time side hustle. I make 3 times what he does so now it doesnt make sense for him to find a job because we'll likely have to move again for my line of work. There isn't much of a job market where we are for what I do.

(Wedding planning is the only thing that keeps me positive these days. Thank God we didn't book anything yet.)

So, on a scale of 1-no one will come to our wedding, how tacky is this and how do I break the news to our guests in a tactful way? I could be persuaded to do beer and wine only.

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42 Comments

Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:41 AM
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Thank you for this advice. It was very helpful. I don't think people realize how much waste happens.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:46 AM
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Thank you, Denise. I appreciate the reassurance. Good luck in your planning.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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That's good advice. I definitely don't want people getting lost!
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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Thank you! I appreciate your help.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 19, 2019 at 12:01 PM
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The majority of couples on this site are paying for their own wedding. I’m also in my mid-thirties and completely aware that job loss is always possible. If I lost my job in the middle of wedding planning, I’d postpone the wedding before I’d ask my guests to pay for part of the party. That’s just how I was raised. That doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate about you losing your job. It just means our solutions to that situation are different.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 12:10 PM
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The job loss is only a factor in our decision. We were thinking cash bar before I lost my job. We don't want to pay for sloppy drunks at our wedding. That's not classy. We discussed postponing the wedding, of course and even if we do, I still don't think we'll ever want to pay for it. I'm not having a rolls Royce, or a bachelorette, maybe 2-3 bridesmaids and groomsmen whose attire will be off the rack. We aren't extravagant and over the top people. I think people either view weddings as over the top opulent or slim bare-bones wedding. We are striving for something in the middle.
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on May 19, 2019 at 1:11 PM
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My reception venue is a Riverboat, they have a cash bar and I have already told my guest that. I’m more than happy to pay for their tickets/meals, but I will not provide alcohol. As most of my guest which is only about 20 people (and bringing their kids), don’t drink to begin with. So the ones that do drink they are fine with paying for their own alcohol. I don’t see it as tacky to have a cash bar. To each their own. This is your wedding so don’t let anyone’s opinion stop you from doing anything.
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Expert June 2020
Emly · on May 19, 2019 at 3:28 PM
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I just don't see how postponing your wedding makes any logical sense just because you cant afford to buy alcohol.. Honestly if that's your main concern when you're planning your wedding you should reconsider the reason for your marriage.. A wedding is not or at least should not be about the alcohol its a celebration of two hearts coming together. Providing water or punch should suffice and if anyone would like an alcoholic beverage they are more than welcome to go buy it themselves. They are still treating their guests even if they don't find it necessary or in the budget to pay for them to drink..
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 19, 2019 at 3:43 PM
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You’re confusing why I’m getting married with why/how I’m hosting a wedding. I’m getting married because I want to spend the rest of my life with my FH and we decided that marriage was a step that was important to both of us. That’s why I’m getting married. You don’t need to host any guests in order to get married so one has nothing to do with the other. When I host people- at my home, at a shower, at a birthday party, and yes at my wedding- I host with alcohol. I have since the first time I threw a party at my own place when I was 22 and I always will. That’s my take on it. Parties in my social circle include alcohol. You don’t need to agree with me and OP doesn’t either. I simply said what I would do if put in the same situation.
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Expert June 2020
Emly · on May 19, 2019 at 4:07 PM
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That's not what I was implying but thank you for your input. I can see where your coming from and respect your opinion although I do not agree. I just think there are much more kind words people can use to Express the way they feel about a subject (I'm not referencing your comment(s) just about this topic in general). Negative comments about postponing such a big event can be very hurtful for those of us who cannot afford what other consider "mandatory ". Either way it's a celebration of marriage and everyone will have a good time regardless..
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on May 19, 2019 at 5:52 PM
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Do what you feel is comfortable.
We recently went to a wedding and it was a cash bar only, soda was the only thing supplied.
For our wedding next year we are having a certain amount of wine and beer, thats the package our venue recommended...our venue didnt even offer an open bar.
Once our wine and beer is gone...it turns into a complete cash bar and we are not paying anymore
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Dedicated August 2019
Rebecca · on May 19, 2019 at 6:05 PM
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Do beer and wine! If I was a guest, I’d like to have a glass of wine with dinner.
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Beginner August 2020
Mariah · on May 19, 2019 at 7:00 PM
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I'm doing a cash bar as well. It is not your response to buy drinks for people. You are already spending a ton of money on everything else so if someone wants a drink let them buy their own. I was given a price of $1000 and hour for 100 people. That is way too much money to spend on top of your other expenses in my opinion. Ultimately if that's what you want then do it! It's your day and if someone complains remind them who's wedding they are attending.
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Master October 2019
Laura · on May 19, 2019 at 8:01 PM
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I 100% agree with Kristen
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Savvy August 2019
Short-Vitosh2019 · on May 19, 2019 at 11:29 PM
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This the most amazing thread for this question! Most people get so cranky about a cash bar. Putting off the wedding until you can afford an open bar seems insane but so many people say that. Were supplying our own alcohol BUT if we were in a venue I'd be doing a consumption to cash. Been to cash weddings and had no problem with it.
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Devoted October 2018
Nicole · on May 19, 2019 at 11:35 PM
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My husband and I had our wedding last October at a brewery. We had a day wedding and we had a cash bar. We paid for soft drinks and juice but guests paid for beer and wine. BBQ and donuts were provided for food. Our wedding was definitely unconventional and that's what we wanted. We had the ceremony outside the stables at Anheuser-Busch and the reception in the biergarten. It was a 12-4 wedding on a Sunday. Most people had a great time and we heard no complaints about it.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on May 20, 2019 at 12:38 PM
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Here are MY opinions (so they aren't correct or anything anyone has to agree with):
1. Cash bars vs. open bars will not deter alcoholics from drinking. They will drink regardless, just like they did when they were an alcoholic and had to buy it themselves.
2. This is your wedding, not your in laws. It should reflect the style wedding you and your fiance want.
3. I'm sure the venue could help with this estimate, or google has plenty of calculators.
4. You can also do an open wine/beer only or open up to a certain amount, then cash after.

We have only been to one cash bar wedding (my fiance's stepbrother). They had a very low budget, and a few recovering & current alcoholics. All the alcoholics still drank, they just brought there own alcohol or purchased it. It was annoying to spend money on alcohol, but didn't deter us from going or celebrating their marriage. Although, we drank less and didn't stay as long as some open bar weddings we have attended.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on May 20, 2019 at 1:16 PM
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You’re welcome. Glad to help.
Don’t postpone your wedding just because of alcohol. There are options. Along with limiting it to beer and wine, consider keeping the reception short. 3-4 hours in stead or 6 or more. That will cut the drink cost quite a bit.
People who love you want to be there to witness your joy on your wedding day. People who refuse to go unless they have endless hard alcohol are not the kind of people you want to share your day with anyway. Get the dress of your dreams. Your loved ones are not going to think you’re “rude” for having a beautiful dress on your wedding day, but not getting them drunk at the party after the ceremony.
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Super September 2019
Paula · on May 20, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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I personally don't like the idea of a cash bar, if you could swing it I would do the beer & wine, or just do an early afternoon reception of cake and punch with possibly a champagne toast.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on May 20, 2019 at 2:51 PM
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Not a fan of a cash bar. if you don't want alcohol, don't have it. But also, don'y expect me to subsidize your party because you don't want to pay for it. Beer and wine only is fine, you don't need a full bar. We had a full bar and there was ONE drunk person out of 118. That person was my mother, and would have been drunk regardless of it was an open bar or not, and she doesn't even drink more than twice a year. You won't prevent people from getting drunk at your wedding with a cash bar. Why do FH's parents get to dictate your wedding?
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