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Expert November 2020

Are we crazy for doing a cash bar?

Cheryl, on May 19, 2019 at 4:08 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 42

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I know, all of you are collectively sighing and 🙄, but hear me out. Below are the reasons why we think this is a good idea:
1. Several guests have been to rehab for alcohol addiction and some should.
2. FH's parents are in their mid-70's and are very Southern and very conservative. I already got a stern talking to that a wedding is about the ceremony and not a big party from FMIL. His brother was married in the church and served punch in the basement after. 😳
3. Not knowing what to expect for an average bar tab for 100 people, we don't think we can't afford it/would rather spend our money elsewhere.
4. We got engaged in February and planned for 6/20/2020, but then at the end of March, I lost my job. FH is out of work because we left DC for the new job in NC in January. He works a part time side hustle. I make 3 times what he does so now it doesnt make sense for him to find a job because we'll likely have to move again for my line of work. There isn't much of a job market where we are for what I do.

(Wedding planning is the only thing that keeps me positive these days. Thank God we didn't book anything yet.)

So, on a scale of 1-no one will come to our wedding, how tacky is this and how do I break the news to our guests in a tactful way? I could be persuaded to do beer and wine only.

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42 Comments

Latest activity by Catherine, on May 21, 2019 at 5:36 AM

Dedicated May 2017
Kristen · on May 19, 2019 at 5:05 AM
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I would not do a cash bar. It is very distasteful. We did a pay as you go and the tab only ended up being $800. You should at least do beer and wine.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 19, 2019 at 5:19 AM
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1. People who are in recovery are going to relapse or they aren’t. Having to pay for drinks or having them free isn’t going to change that.
2. I’m assuming that given their conservative nature and the fact that they don’t believe it’s a party, your FILs won’t be too thrilled about alcohol being present no matter who is paying for it
3. Can you ask your venue what the cost is per person or what the average spent on that many guests are. Typically you can estimate people to drink 2 drinks in the first hour, and one drink per hour after that.
4. I think that if neither of you has full time steady income, I would postpone the wedding before worrying about the kind of bar you’re going to have.

Ultimately, regardless of your choice your guests will still probably come and they won’t complain to your face about having to pay for their drinks. That doesn’t mean they won’t be annoyed though. Beer and wine is a fine compromise if that’s something you two can afford.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on May 19, 2019 at 5:53 AM
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I'm a fulltime bartender. We serve wedding parties a lot. You would think I'm planning on hosting a full bar at my reception, right? NO WAY!!!! I know how much those drinks are overpriced. I also know that when they are free for your guests, they will put their drink down, walk away, then just go order another one. They will take a single sip of something, decide they don't like it, toss it in the trash (or just leave it full on a table), then go order another drink... on you. Why not? It's "free" to them.
A single shot of hard alcohol is as strong and can be even more expensive than a whole beer or glass of wine.
I'm having an open beer and wine bar. Beer and wine are fun and social without getting people plastered quickly and without costing $10 per one-and-a-half ounces.
For our friends who want something stronger, we'll be having an afterparty at a local pub. Live music and a full bar. People will buy their own drinks and limit themselves to what they can afford.
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Super July 2020
D · on May 19, 2019 at 6:09 AM
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Try the beer and wine approach. While it's true weddings are about the ceremony, the reception is about everyone. And find out how much it is for beer/wine or full open bar. Where I live the difference isn't that much, nor is the bar to start with but I tell you what is...a cash bar.
Some places will even have prices for 2 or 3 hours of service then switch to cash.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 19, 2019 at 7:22 AM
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1. How does a cash bar change this? If an alcoholic is going to relapse, they're going to relapse, it doesn't matter who pays for the drinks.
2. Are your FH's parents getting married or are you? This is your wedding and not their decision to make. Also, if they're not happy about alcohol being served at the wedding, what difference does it make who pays for it?
3. Find a bar service that charges pp instead of doing a consumption bar and you'll know exactly what you're spending.
4. I would postpone the wedding until you can afford to host all of your guests properly. Lots of people will tell you that alcohol isn't a necessity and people can pay for their own drinks and blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, you're hosting an event and your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets to pay for anything. Beer and wine is a great compromise that you could, hopefully, fit into your budget a little easier while also keeping your guests satisfied. People aren't going to skip your wedding because you aren't having an open bar. They likely won't even say a word to you about it, but no one is thrilled about going to a hosted event and paying for themselves.
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Super September 2019
Denise · on May 19, 2019 at 8:05 AM
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We aren't even doing alcohol. No bar, no champagne toast. We are having a dry wedding. Except we are telling people that they can bring their own. FH and I just don't have the funds for that. But it's ultimately your decision. Tacky or not, do what you can afford. Don't put yourself into debt over this.
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Dedicated June 2020
Lauren · on May 19, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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I’ve been to dry weddings and weddings with cash bars. I disagree that cash bars are tacky, with one caveat: make sure your guests know going in. I went to one where we weren’t told and no one had cash so we all had to leave the site (no ATM!) to go get cash. Just put a note on the invitation or your website or something. But I see nothing wrong with a cash bar, limited bar or no bar at all. It’s your wedding, do what you want.
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Master October 2017
karen · on May 19, 2019 at 9:25 AM
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I do not like cash bars, I don't think they stop drunks. Not providing even beer or wine, you may find people bring flasks, run out to their cars, etc. Not good.
My advice is to look for a venue where you can provide your own alcohol. I would still have a professional bartender to prevent overserving. It will still be much cheaper than the usual open bar.
I agree with the PP, that with a typical open bar, many guests will waste drinks. Another option might be to provide drink tickets.
Whatever you do, please put it on the FAQ part of your website. If people need to bring cash, they should know.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 19, 2019 at 9:25 AM
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I don't have a problem with anything as long as your guests know beforehand. I've never been to a dry or cash bar wedding. It's not a common thing in my area or social circles. I have been to a wedding or two with limited options like wine and beer. However you have your wedding is up to you! The only issue I truly see is when a bride spends 1800 dollars on a dress and then doesn't want to shell out money for her guests because of her "budget". Again, to each their own, but I think that's borderline rude.
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Master October 2017
karen · on May 19, 2019 at 9:33 AM
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Absolutely, give notice, and keep things in proportion. If the bride has an expensive dress, large bridal party, hair and makeup of the bridal party, expensive bachelorettes, etc. and than a cash bar, I would think rude
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 19, 2019 at 9:39 AM
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I don't think there's anything wrong with doing a cash bar. If a lot of guests aren't going to drink, why waste your money when it could be better spent elsewhere? That being said, I understand your future in laws are very conservative and your FBIL did his wedding a certain way, but it is your wedding, not theirs. If they don't want to drink, they don't need to drink. If you're concerned about addiction issues, a dry wedding is always an option, and fancy non-alcoholic drinks can be made.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on May 19, 2019 at 9:56 AM
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Making it a cash bar won’t prevent it from being a big party, and sure won’t prevent alcoholics from not drinking lol. If anything, the people who have drinking problems are probably more likely to buy it on their own at a cash bar than other guests would be.
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VIP July 2019
Summerbride77 · on May 19, 2019 at 10:06 AM
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Agree with this. We’re doing an open bar because we wanted to and we could afford it. But I’ve been to plenty of weddings with cash bars or limited bars. If fact most of my guests are surprised we’re doing a fully hosted bar. It’s definitely a know your crowd / region thing. It’s wonderful if you can afford it but not the end of the world if you can’t.

I will add though, as previous posters said, a cash bar isn’t a guarantee that someone who’s a recovering alcoholic won’t drink. But you’re other reasons are valid.
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Master October 2017
karen · on May 19, 2019 at 10:11 AM
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I think fancy non-alcoholic drinks are silly for anyone over 21. They are not going to take the place of alcohol.
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Expert January 2020
Toni · on May 19, 2019 at 10:16 AM
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Cash bars are common in some places and uncommon in others. You should know you guests and know if it will be a deal breaker for them. I’ve been to cash bar weddings and I’ve been to dry weddings at least with a cash bar you’re giving some people an option to even have alcohol. That being said make sure you have it on the wedding website (if you’re making one) invite or RSVP so people don’t get blindsided
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Dedicated July 2020
Courtney · on May 19, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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I went to a wedding where they had a consumption to cash bar. They paid for a certain amount of alcohol and once that was met it turned to a cash bar. You shouldn't have to break the bank just because people want to drink for free all night! Do what makes you comfortable but be honest about what guests should expect!

Weddings are expensive, your friends and fam should be going to celebrate you and your FH not going for free drinks!
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Devoted May 2020
Lizbeth · on May 19, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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Lol imma not serve beer or alcohol at all and I won't tell anyone and I won't care... I don't want the family getting drunk and making idiots of themselves. This is our wedding not a simple party, enough said. And tacky? I don't care. Distasteful? I don't care.
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Master October 2017
karen · on May 19, 2019 at 11:23 AM
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I think a consumption to cash bar can be difficult. People who know what is going on may grab 3-4 drinks and sit with them. Far better to do drink coupons, so no one gets to take them all. JMHO
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:32 AM
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What does pay as you go even mean?
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 19, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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Obviously, if we have to postpone we will. That's why I said it's good that we haven't booked anything yet. Any decision I can make that doesn't require a deposit, I'm trying to make now because I have the time. I'm a corporate lawyer, so I will be very busy once I'm working again. We don't have a ton saved up because of me paying my law school debt. I've only been practicing for 3 years so my income has been pretty low and we lived in the third most expensive city in the country. I honestly didn't realize how mean people would be about this or I wouldn't have asked. I just surprised.
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